Cheating Husband?

Question

Okay... My husband cheated... I found out... I filed divorce... I don't know if he is still talking to his girlfriend.. yes it was more than a one night stand... He wants to work it out... But it is not just about him cheating... He disrespects me, I thought I wanted to work it out, but the more I see him. I am finding myself not attracted to him, not happy with him. I know that out of all of this I am going to be happy, healther and life a good life. He says he wants to be apart it. We are going to counseling and the counseler and most of "his" friends are telling me to be patient that he will change???? How long can I be expected to see this divine intervention? I am not looking to get into another relationship, but I just want PEACE, he creates a lot of drama, arguing and problems. How do I tell hime, his iranian.. and basically told me he will NEVER let go???? Advise please...

Answer 1

If you are in counseling with him, you could be sending mixed messages. Counseling is for people trying to rebuild a relationship but deep down inside you want out. Its quite normal that you lost something for him during his infidelities, but what you lost was much more. As far as how long do you have to wait to see some changes? It could be "forever" and only YOU will know if this guy is worth "forever".
So Congratulations! you have learned a few things here that most people don't learn at all. 1) Its a thin line between love and hate, (you're at the crossroads). 2) Just what did it mean when you said "For Better or For Worst? Your situation explains that clearly.

You can't control him never letting go, but you do control your desire to let go. Honesty is the best policy, its your only option.

p.s. Don't expect another person to bring you peace, this is something that only you can do. Once you find your peace, you can invite someone (him) in to share it with.

Answer 2

You said he disrespects you, causes drama, problems, & arguing . . . in addition to adultery ? It sounds like your heart has decided & you are seeking someone to validate your decision. First, you should be shown respect & discussions can be had without arguing & fighting. His friends have nothing to do with it - of course they are siding with their "buddy"... (you didn't mention what your friends have to say . . . is that b/c he doesn't allow you to have friends.....? ? Life is entirely too short to live your life with someone you don't love & with someone that doesn't treat you with respect, appreciation & love. Just b/c he wants to be a part of your "future" - doesn't make it so. You are obviously unhappy & were even before this adultery. It was just the proverbial icing on the cake..... the "i'll never let you go" part concerns me greatly. {has he ever been physically abusive?} You need to consider your personal well-being & safety prior to telling him it's over. I*** Just so you know: IF he's abusive - statistically when the woman tells the abuser she's leaving or right after she's left...is the most dangerous time. **
Talk to your family & friends & let them know that you will be needing a place to stay for a bit til you get on your feet. File for divorce, then meet "him" in a public place (restaurant) & tell him that you are moving out, that it is over, that you don't want any problems, you've tried to work things out - but it is much much more than this single incident of adultery...that there's nothing he can do to change your mind, you want him to move on & be happy..etc.etc. & have someone waiting for you at the entrance, once you've said what you need to say - tell him goodbye -excuse yourself & leave. & Make sure you stick to it! If he threatens you or begins calling you, stalking you, etc., go to the police..don't wait. no second chances with that kind of behavior.
Good Luck.

Answer 3

Did you actually went thru with the divorce. I believe in working things out, but also believe in being happy and if he is not making you happy.

Have you seen any change in him since he is being going to counseling. If not do you want him to be part of your life? If not go thru with the divorce and file a restraining order against him. We all deserve to be happy and be respected, if he can't offered that then why stay with him.

I wish you the best.

Answer 4

You said that you are finding that you are not attracted to him and not happy, and that you will end up happy with a good life. Don't stay in this marriage just because he and his friends think he will change. You already have changed and your feelings for him are different. He did disrespect you and even if he tries, you may not forgive him for the affair. If you don't want to be with him, then don't be. He had his chance and he messed up. The counselor can help him get over you.

Answer 5

First of all, people don't change. It would be interesting to know if you had kids. If you do, I would suggest as long as you are not being verbally abused or physically abused you try to work it out for their sake. Of course you've already been emotionally abused. If there are no kids and from what you are writing he's saying hewon't let you go, that is a threat. I would suggest you divorce. Be smart and careful about it. I would remind him that he already let you go when he decided to sleep with another woman (I'm sure that wasn't in your vows) I hope you do get the peace you deserve. In a year you'll forget his name....

Answer 6

Only you can truly know whats best for you. If you filed for divorce but are delaying it til you know for sure, with counseling, etc., then feeling the way you do then go thru with it and move on. You can get restraining orders to keep him away from you if needbe. But it sounds like you have made up your mind so go for it and be done with this guy and someday find someone who will worship the ground you walk on. Good luck

Answer 7

just get divorsed. its seems pretty clear you are not happy. once a cheater always a cheater!! no offense to your race or culture, but thoes types of men do not respect women. they think women are put here to service them. (im white and married a white guy, but i deal with middle eastern people all day long at work, and trust me, they have absolutly no respect!!!) if you feel youll be happier and healthier without him, then get out of the situation. if he says hell never let go, then file for a restraining order. that sounds a little crazy to me. good luck!!

Answer 8

Run.... get out and find happiness elsewhere.

Also I agree with the first answer posted, your counselor is paid by the hour and that tells me a lot!

Answer 9

You were loyal to him, he decieved you. Counselors can help those that want help. You have to make yourself happy. If you are not happy and you know this, then do what you have to do what makes YOU happy. If your husband can't let go...then he should about that before and kept his penis in his pants. You deserve better.

Answer 10

Children? If so do what they need to have a stable home, move out and get a lawyer? No Children and you want to fool with him it is just two adults so play games.