In everyday life I am a confident, bubbly person but at work i am not. I am scared of making mistakes. i failed to excel in media relations despite being a good writer because i lacked the confidence to develop key relationships and call journalists. I was bullied at work by management and that dented my confidence further. I fear going back to work because i dont know how to deal with senior staff when they begin to bully me.
I am not sure that any self-improvement class or self help book can help lift my confidence. i worry that have a insecure personality and that cant be helped. I see people with less ability but bags of confidence do well, yet i cant get past my own fears.
Can i change? is it possible to learn REAL inner confidence??
2007-02-28 08:34:30 · 14 answers · asked by Chimera's Song 6 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
i do go to church, i am a christian have prayed many times about this
2007-02-28 08:43:09 · update #1
wow great answers everyone, thanks!!
2007-02-28 08:52:23 · update #2
hi, to me! i am not at work @ moment i was made redundant 2005 although i took them to tribunal and we settled out of court
to imogen sue, i am from uk
2007-02-28 18:31:00 · update #3
well first of all girl congrats that you have a good job....however you are smart and beautiful. they bully you because they hav insecurities of there own that they do no want to deal with.
If you dont make mistakes how are you going to learn from things that you know not to do again, you are humans and we all make mistakes..im not confident myself however I know i am confident enough to not let people bully me and put me down for the good work I do.
Also look at how you go the job Im sure there was some confidence there as you did get the job.
STAY STRONG YOU ARE DOING A GOOD JOB IF YOU MAKE MISTAKES SO.. WHAT ITS NO THE END OF THE WORLD AND YOU HEN KNOW NOT TO DO IT AGAIN
2007-02-28 08:46:33 · answer #1 · answered by me! 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Real inner confidence, is something individual to each person. It is something you can work at with yourself without the need for self help books.
Try to start with taking a nice long shower/bath to relax yourself, then slowly dry/dress (put on your best outfit - et this ready before - preperation is the key to success) yourself trying not to think of anything, not even etting dressed.
Do one or two of the following a day:
1. Then find yourself in front of the mirror, look into it and imagine you are your own boss (forget about your real boss for the moment), talk to yourself, interview yourself - asking and answering questions relavant to your job. Do this for a good ten minutes every couple of days - alternate.
2. Sit down with the telephone (make sure it is off the hook so you don't get a nasty shock) and call up one of your journalists, talk to yourself and ask and answer the sort of questions and conversation you would expect (and not expect) to have with the journalist.
3. try this with the enlistment of a friend or family member - i.e. have a friend/family act as your boss, or even as you. Try doing the journalist activity over the phone with your friend being the journalist or you.
It sounds silly but it really does work, you will feel a little stupid at first but it does build your confidence, and soon you can start testing your new found confidence out at work.
Hope it goes well for you. Good Luck. x x
2007-02-28 17:00:43 · answer #2 · answered by truelylo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Success will breed confidence. Start out small in your everyday life. When you encounter a problem, take it as a personal challenge to resolve it on your own.
Think through the problem thoroughly and develop a systematic plan of attack which includes alternate solutions if the first option fails.
Then, implement your plan of attack with all of the gusto you can muster.
Hopefully, you will succeed magnificently. That one success will lead to others if you apply the same diligence to the resolution plan.
If you fail, don't give up. Just go back and systematically analyze why your plan did not result in success.
Apply these lessons learned to the next problem you encounter. Eventually, if you are diligent, you will begin to be successful at a higher rate.
This success will eventually breed enough confidence that you can then apply these techniques in a work setting. They will work just as well there.
Good luck.
2007-02-28 16:48:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I suffer from exactly the same thing!
The best thing that works for me is acting like you are confident. I know it sounds so simple but if you pretend that you are confident you do actually start to feel confident because if you can convince people you are confident they will treat you better (sad but true - unconfident people get trodden on way more than seemingly confident people).
Next time you feel nervous try walking tall and smiling. When you are on the phone try and remember that calling people is a good thing and can help you in life - people on the other end of the phone aren't out to get you. And when people bully you try and take the upper route - don't give in to them just be polite and professional, act like you don't care.
It's amazing what a bit of acting can do for your self esteem - you really start to believe it yourself!
Good luck!
2007-02-28 16:50:26 · answer #4 · answered by Pol 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It is not self confidence you lack but the ability to stand up for your rights. No one has a right to bully you at work. If you perform your work to the standars required there should be no reason or instance.
I know it is easier said than done but you must feel the fear and do what is right at that moment anyway. If you express yourself calmly and appropriately I really see no problem.
Forgive me if I point out my opinion of american women who can be grating to the nerves. You are not one of those, are you?
2007-02-28 22:44:59 · answer #5 · answered by Imogen Sue 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure you can become more confident. remember confidence is just acting...its not real and real inner confidence can take time to grow and its best to start working on that too now.
youre a good writer but dont get intimidated by your work colleagues...youre a person too and have every right to be confident, express yourself and stand up for yourself. youre just gonna have to be stubborn and focused to overcome this problem and soon you will shine!!!! :-D.
seriously dont be afraid of making mistakes.... if you dont be afraid then you wont make many.....
just reach for god and ask him for stuff and try at the same time... he'll make you shine in no time if you try so dont fear going back to work....have courage!
gud luck
good luck
2007-02-28 17:47:31 · answer #6 · answered by Curious Girl 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Watch videos or movies that portray the confidence you want. Then just copy them. Pretend you are confident. Act like you are confident and then you will become more confident.
If that doesn't help, maybe see a counselor who can help you as you go along. The counselor can help you and give you pointers. Then as you progress, work out furthur plans of action.
2007-02-28 16:46:03 · answer #7 · answered by watanake 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Just ignore everyone. If they bully you, show that it doesn't bother you. Focus on something you want to accomplish at work. All you need is focus and you'll hopefully get some more self confidence.
2007-02-28 16:44:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
People who do not make mistake means they are not working
So, atleast be happy that you are creating mistakes
Please ignore the people who are bullying you. So if u want self-confidence to build in you, its should be within you.
2007-02-28 17:04:48 · answer #9 · answered by dancingdoll 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Best way to become confident--- Make loads of mistakes and then the fear of making mistakes will go away bcoz u will and ur colleagues will be habitual of it.
u dont make mistakes its the worry that gets u and its the self conscious that makes u make mistakes.
2007-02-28 16:51:06 · answer #10 · answered by Help me 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋