Cant stop thinking of ex.....?

Question

I am married and my husband is a very loving husband. The thing is that I can't help think of ex because i had the kin dof passion with him I am missing with husband from day one. There are certain things I love about husband and certain missing things from ex. I wish I can mix them. Sometimes I feel both are my types in some way and sometimes none is my type fully. Sex is bad with husband and was very good with ex. How do i cope with this. All i want is to be in love with hubby and forget past. please advice....

Answer 1

Hmmm... Seems to be a hard one. But... past is past. Just don't do anything crazy and kindly ask your husband to fulfill the other things you're missing.

Answer 2

So basically what your saying is you only loved your ex for the passion and you only love your current husband for "certain other qualities"....my guess is you should have never married either, you obviously aren't happy with out one or the other qualities you are looking for in a man. You settled for either, or.

Marriage is a very serious commitment when your where about to get married didn't any of these thoughts occur to you? You need to stop dwelling on the past. And if you feel that sex is much more important to you and you wont be able to stop comparing your current husband to your ex then I suggest you seek counseling.

Answer 3

Your ex is your ex for a reason. You obviously weren't compatible enough with him to stay with him. There's also the phenomenon of the "grass is always greener on the other side."

If you don't have passion for your husband, there are problems ahead for your marriage. But passion can be cultivated, so all is not lost. Sex in marriage can be better than any other sex because you get to know the other person's body so well and you can become completely uninhibited. The relationship in other areas has to be good too. When the sex isn't good in a marriage, it usually means other things within the relationship aren't good either. When that happens, people's minds start wandering to old loves. Work on problem areas in your marriage outside of the bedroom and also work with your husband to make your sex life better for both of you.

Answer 4

That is a tough situation and I feel for you. All I can say is this...

What about your husband attracted you to him in the beginning? What things do you love about him? If you were to make a list of the best things about him, what would they be? (I'm not saying announce them to the internet, I'm just saying think about what they would be)

As well, what were things that made your ex turn out to be an ex? What factors made that end?

A good marriage is more than sex. Yes, sex is an important factor (and seems more important when it's not very good), but try and think about what things in your marriage you cherish that don't involve sex. What are other valuable components to you partnership?

Passion is wonderful, but often fleeting. Lust is great, but it is not love. And often, in our minds, the past seems sweeter because there are no problems or troubles like there are in our present relationships.

Perhaps you can help him to become a better sexual partner? Men generally like to make their women happy in bed, so maybe trying to encourage him to do things you like more would be a start? There are many books for couples to enhance their sex lives... try amazon.com.

Try to think about all the reasons you love your husband, and why you chose him to be your husband in the first place and maybe that will help you.

Answer 5

You know the thing with human beings is that we will have a good husband, not perfect though but a good man that is extremely rare to find in this day and age and we want to throw it all away, for what?It is after the whole drama explodes all in your face you will start wishing you did not hurt your husband so much, you will start wishing if only you could have made more effort to be a good wife to your husband.
Anyway, I have something that can help you if you really want to disconnect from your past lover.
Get this dvd by Dr Juanita Bynum called "No more sheets", it will help you break your entanglement from your past and move on with your future.

Answer 6

I have been in that situation and before i got married, i told him i just was not in love with him anymore, i left and went back with my ex and am sooooooooooooo happy and so is my ex. I was never happy with my husband to be just thinking about my ex all the time and i had to make a decision and yes sex had alot to do with it too. I almost felt like i was gonna cheat on my husband to be if we stayed together so i let him go.

Answer 7

It sounds like you're not happy with your partner. My question is why did you get married to him? You really can't have the best of both unless you see both, which is not a good idea. If you can't improve sex with your husband, and you really try, then maybe you should seek counseling, or let it go. But here's another thing to consider. If your ex was so good, why is he your EX? Good Luck.

Answer 8

Then you need to forget about the past. You are not being fair to your husband at all. Would you like it if he had these same thoughts about a woman in his past? You are the only person who can control yourself. If you start having the thoughts immediately shake them off and think of a loving thought about your husband.

Good luck!

Answer 9

when u open new clean paper, do u return to the dirty one. when u open new paper u must to make sure that must to forget the past, because when u thinking about ex, u like cheating your husband.. when u compare him with less than him..
dear look it's hard i know but u must to control yourself, and find the positive things in your husband and forget the negative, because u just thinking so much about the ex, and it's killing you, but u are strong and u can make it, when u thinking about the ex, say to your heart this one is better come one, and do something else, then your will forget him... it's nothing in your mind to control it, but if u believe u can.. ignore that feelings inside u.. because to compare it's make you feel in trouble that's why... better for better life.. good luck dear

Answer 10

Not any one person can be all that we want. No one is perfect enough to fulfill all our desires and needs. It is obvious you married your husband because of importnat traits you admired. You are learning to not appreciate him for the reasons you fell in love with him. Try to remember just what it was that made him so special to you.. And remember, YOU too are not all the things he wants, it would be impossible. So, he too might be thinking, a little of his ex and a little of traits you have would make for a perfect match. Just something for you to think about.