Help Im 19 and pregnant! What do i do?

Question

Im 7 weeks pregnant, and extemely confused. I didn't tell my parents yet. I' ve only been with the father for 3 months, but its been a great 3 months and, i love him to death. Every time i think i make up my mind, I change it. After discussing positives and negatives with my boyfriend I was pretty sure that I wanted an abortion, but I don't know if I could actually do it. On the same not I dont know if i could raise a child either. Im also not to fond of adoption. My boyfriend and I are mostly worried about the money situation, well that , and the loss of free time. I just lost my job and I am currently looking for another one, and he barely makes enough money to support himself. Im also scared that if we keep the baby we'll some how fall out of love. I know it's my body, and in the end i make the decision, but it's one hell of a decision to make alone. HELP!

Answer 1

this is such a tough question.... but then... life is pretty tough at times, isn't it..

I mean, you start getting an idea of where you are.... where you wanna go... looking, feeling good... and wham... you lose the job.. or boyfriend.... or like you.... find out you are going to be a mommy..... okay... it is freaky isn't it... to hear I mean... even when you think it instead of saying it.... you think... no... I can't be.. I am not ready.... it isn't time... not fair... I want to travel... have a career... live? I know the first time I was pregnant, that is what I thought.... I thought; my mom... she looks like one.. acts like one... not me!? what do I do?

well... you could abort.... but you would still be "mommy" a mom... the mom.... and yes, lots of girls and women alike can and do abort and live with it just fine... but, the words you typed? "if I could actually do it" leaves me thinking that baby would haunt you forever... actually, baby would not..... baby would have forgiven before life began for him... for her? it would be your own self haunting you....

you are right... in the end you are the one who will live with your choices... I am so very glad you opted to take input from others before taking that leap... one by the way steeped with "faith"........... faith in you... in your future.... in the mommy that is there... that is one way.... it would be tough, you are so very right.... it would be iffy.... probably.... but I believe that inside you is a great a mom.... one ready for any challenge.... you just need to weed past the emotions that pull at you.... the ones called fear, doubt...... because they have always held people back from their own greatness....

the reality part that is where the fear comes from.. money.... that is something that comes and goes.... I say it almost flipantly.... I have lived with and without money........ and thru it all I had family... and thru it all a smile from a child was worth more than time to myself to party... a hug and I love you.. given from any of my babies is worth more than all the money in the world....
money can be made.... money can be saved.... it is not what is important in life... I know, it is the evil means to the end.. how do you provide a good home.. food without it? well.... it is not easy, I know.... but, it all comes together.... and in the end... providing a good home? is more about the love, warmth, family..... and it sounds like your parents might be just that.....?

in the meantime....if you do not feel moving back to mom's and saving for your little growing family is an option? then, I have paid into this system/government for more years than I can remember.... it is there to help young and old alike..... it is there for the people in their time of need... like you... my money, your money.....everyone else's too, I know... but of "mine" that I have paid throughout the years? there should be enough to help out... assist with food, shelter if needed at some time...
no.. it is not something you want, I know... but, it is there to give you a leg up? go to the social services and get the health insurance... look into WIC for yourself and baby.... look into college even.... states have scholarships for pregnant women especially.....

and take things one day at a time... or as my mom told me more than once (while I panicked at having a second baby.... when I had just left the father of first and second?) take it one day, one hour... or one minute to one minute if you have to.... don't plan any further... and take a leap of faith in you... I did... it is why you are here hon....
I think it is what all mom's to be do.... believe.... have faith.... and try to not look too far down the roads of what might be...
as for the part of time? do what all parents do... steal it.... lol... borrow it... plan and build for it when you are older and can appreciate it even more.....

well, that is one way....

the other is the way of adoption... or termination..... and those might be the best for you... as you said, you have to make it.... I think it would be just as hard, in different ways if your is one of them.... but? as a mom, I can say if my daughter chose either? I would stand by her... I would be hurt she did not ask me to help by adopting her baby.... but, I would understand as well.... and give her the strength she needed.... so.. I guess what I am saying? talk to mom.... oh, she might cry... I know I am.... lol.. I know, how silly is that... I do not know you... but, what you are going thru... what so many go thru... it is hard... and.. well.. guess I am just a sappy old lady? ;>
your mom might be upset... feel she let you down... or something... might even yell? (if she is a yeller.. she will vent?) yep.. even as an adult... you still get the "mommy treatment" lol....
but, she will be there with you.. for you.... and whatever way you go? she will be right there.....

I hope this has not put you to sleep there? ;>
it is my downfall, talk too much...
I hope this answer makes enough sense and helps out too....
if I can help out more... just email... I may only have words? but, I got them in spades? ;)
good luck there

sorry... I did not read any answers prior to answering.... I just did and would like to add to mine? I hope you are not listening to anyone who is telling you it will fix (or even not fix) other things wrong in life.... babies do not.. they do have a way of bringing people close even closer.... but not making sure moms/dads stay together.... I doubt you are thinking along that, but.. in case... and also... there are plenty who can not live with abortion; I am one.... I would not be able to live with me if I did it... that does not mean you could not... or that others could not... every situation is different... every person... and every reason for every choice.... so, please... do not listen to the "do not do it cause I do not think you should" do not do it IF YOU do not think you CAN..... adoption is a good thing for many... and might be an option for you... again... that is where the "your choice" part comes into play.... you asked for help though.. the only I can give is to offer you the advise, and knowledge that say; you CAN and would/will be the greatest mommy and the woes and worries will fall into their own place... given patience and time.... I know, I believe it.... and all I have seen is the question you put up... tells me though you are thoughtful, intelligent... and caring.... and you question... and you have doubt.... which shows maturity in a way you would believe.... anyway.. wanted to add it... long again... sorry? :(
good luck again... best

Answer 2

I had my first child when I was 21. When I got pregnant I was extremely wild, and the father and I had split up a few days before I found out I was pregnant. It has been hard raising a child as a single mom. I was able to get help from my family after they decided not to disown me.lol. For me abortion wasn't an option, not my thing. I knew I would keep the child no matter what.
I, my self am adopted. That can be hard sometimes too, but I know my biological family and know that I wouldn't of had much of a life had I not been adopted. But keep in mind there are a lot of families out there that can not have children that would love to have a baby and would give it a wonderful home if you chose not to keep it. Keeping my son was the best decision I ever made and I know I always have some one on my side no matter what.
This child is a part of you, it always will be, you need to decide if you can live with out that part of you happily or not. Could you give up the child and never think about it again, never wonder what it could have been like. There is a lot of help and resources out there for single moms. I would be glad to help in any way I can. Send me a message some time if you would like to talk more. Good luck.

Answer 3

Okay, so you and I are a lot alike. I was 18 when I met my husband, 18 when we were engaged (just 2 months later), 18 when I got pregnant (2 weeks later) and 19 when I had my first baby. For me it was hard to tell my mom and it was even harder deciding what to do with my baby and at the time boyfriend. I knew after a few days of thinking about it that I was going to be happy with my boyfriend forever and I knew that once I saw my baby for the first time I would be in love with him for life. two years later I am still happy and I have a new 6 week old baby. So it can be done. But the is another side to this story. i have a very close friend who met a guy got engaged got pregnant and was left at the alter and she is now a single mom who struggles with money and is pregnant again. So with saying that know that is can go either way but you need to do what you think is best I did and my friend didn't. If you think that you and your boyfriend can make it good, if you think you will love your baby good. Know that eaither way it will be hard but I think that keeping your baby would be the best thing in your mind even though you are young, it also might take a while to realize how perfect your life can be. But talk to friends, talk to family, talk to a professional, I think you should talk to your mom the most, and the answer will be right in front of you.

Answer 4

Personally, I think you're too old for an abortion. I'm not a fan of abortion in general, however, I think if you're 15 and still in school, it may be the only logical solution. If you decide to keep the baby, you will have to accept the loss of your social life and both you and your boyfriend will have to step up and find better jobs. I do wish you'd rethink your position on adoption. They can be very creative these days. You can even have an open adoption where a nice stable couple will raise your child with you as a part of it's life. Then your child will know you didn't abandon him and you won't have to live your life wondering where he is and whether he's ok. It's really a win-win situation. Please consider it.

Answer 5

First, talk to your parents, you need their support. As a 54 year old woman, I have life experiences. I used to think abortion was okay, until I found out that a baby's heart starts beating at about 21 days after fertilization, so to me, abortion is murder, unless it is performed before the heart starts beating, which means it's too late for you.
Knowing someone for three months does not a long term relationship make. Having a relationship with someone is a job in itself, not to mention the job of raising a child. At your age, the odds of your relationship being long term is low, add a child and it's nil. Anything that is worthwhile is hard work, at your age, you are just now learning about life and the struggles that you will have to deal with, along with how to deal with them. Scientifically, your brain has just now gotten to full formation (18), so in a way, you are still a baby yourself.
In the scheme of things and hopefully, you will live a long healthy life, that being the case, you are still too young to care for a baby. You want your baby to have everything it can to makes it's life happy, healthy and wonderful. Right now, you can't provide that, not even if you and your BF marry.
There are so many couples out there that want to adopt and an open adoption can mean you have the option of being around and seeing your child grow into a happy, healthy, well cared for, productive adult.
I know it's the hardest decision you will ever have to make. But love sometimes means giving something up because it's in the best interest of the child and to a degree, your best interest.
Do some research on the net about what the consequences of different choices may bring about for you and your baby, such as; abortion, keeping the baby, and open adoption.
Personally, since I have been around for half a century + and I've seen a lot and heard a lot of stories about young girls becoming pregnant and the different options available, I would recommend you find a wonderful couple to adopt your baby. Remember, you get to choose it's parents and have your medical care paid for and then see your baby raised by two wise people who love your baby as much as you do. Or you may decide not to be in their life. Adoption gives you the best choices available, whereby the other choices seem to be mostly detramental. To be honest, anything other than making this choice of adopting out, would cause pain, heartache and stress that could be a defining factor in the state of well being for you, your family and your baby.
These are my opinions based on the things I've seen go on in my life and around me. You have a hard decision to make and I pray it is the right one. You and your baby will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Now, one other thing that is bothering me is I won't know what decision you have made and I can get very wrapped up in things like this, especially because I never got to have a child and wanted one like nobodys business. Maybe when you pick the best answer, you could let us know if you've made a decision and what it is.
I have attached some web sites for you to get started with, I think they may be helpful to you. Please check them out, they will answer some questions and give you some things to think about regarding what decision you make.
Good luck and God bless you.

Answer 6

hunni i have just turned 18 like on the 13th of feb and tomorrow will be 13 weeks i have been with the father for 2 years and 3 months and this was a planned pregnancy . i cant say i know how you are feeling but i can relate. my friend was pregnant and still with the guy not for very long tho they way i got her through this was to think about what she really wanted in life were she wanted to be in 3 years time what goals she had for herself and wether a baby would fit into the plans she was 17 at the time and wanted to be a dancer so no a baby didnt fit into her scheme of things she didnt have the money to raise the child or the emotional stability. im not telling you to go one way or another tho i think if u think your descision on abortion through you wont regret it . if you beleive 100% its the best thing for you at this present time you wont regret it. look at it this was its not a baby yet its just an embryo the size pea, its not even classified as a fetus yet. although if you were to carri out with the pregnancy the chances are with haveing a life growing inside you u will fall in love with it .the other thing is if you like to go out and party and stuff u may end up regretting that later inlife theres no guarentee that the father will hang around .. what ever you decide make sure its from ur heart and make sure you have thought it through long and hard. be strong sweet heart.

Answer 7

As terrible as this situation sounds right now, it can get better. When I got pregnant at 19 my sons father insisted I have an abortion and if I would not I could leave. I packed my stuff and left, I could have never gone through with it. It was hard for a few years, we lived off $600 a month and that was for rent, food, diapers etc, everything. Well today I own 3 businesses, live in a beautiful home, and have 3 ownderful children I could not imagine life without. All you need to do if focus on your life and on the life of you baby and you will be just fine.

Answer 8

Some of you are acting like she planned to get pregnant. Accidents happen. Condoms are not 100% effective.

Anyway, I know you said you're not fond of adoption, but since you are not financially stable enough, I think you should consider open adoption.

Taken from the website:
Open adoption is about choice. We believe that the best home for your child is the one that you select—after all, who knows better than you? You will not only know who the adoptive parents are, you will choose them.

Our adoptive parents know that it takes strength for a woman to put her child’s needs first, to give him or her the best start in life. They have a deep and abiding respect for their child’s birthmother. If you decide to stay in your child’s life, you can answer any questions he or she may have. Even if you choose not to have ongoing contact, the adoptive parents have seen first hand how much you care. They'll make sure their child knows.

Also, the key decisions in the adoption plan are made by the birthparents and adoptive parents themselves—not the agency, a lawyer or a government entity. Experienced counselors help birthfamilies and adoptive families come together in a way that works for everyone.

Women choose open adoption for a variety of reasons. Many know that they will be great moms someday, but are not ready to parent right now. Others already have children and decide they are unable to care for another child. We have worked with birthparents from the ages of 12 to 44. Each one has had her own reason for choosing adoption:

• She wants two parents who are eager and ready to become Mom and Dad for her child.
• She knows that raising a baby is not a good way to fix a relationship that is not working.
• She and her partner are together, but are not ready to raise a child.
• She is not ready to be a parent, but wants to always know how her child is doing.
• She wants to complete her education or start her career.
• She decides that open adoption can give her baby the best start in life, and she is determined to choose the best family.

Answer 9

Abortion is the wrong way to go about it. My friends have had them and they regret it now and all they think about is the what ifs?...Just ride it out, you and your boyfriend will be fine, I'm pretty sure that you guys will start to take things more serious now that you are pregnant. Just save money and get a job till you can't work anymore. If you guys are both determined to provide for this baby you will do what you have to do to make it happen. I'm sure that there are churches, family members and friends that would be more than happy to help you out. Just don't abort your child because for the rest of your life your going to be going what if?

Good Luck with the decision

Answer 10

If you dont think you can handle an abortion dont do it. If you and your bf are really in love having a baby will probly not change that. You might fight a little more (a baby puts a lot of stress on you) but having a fight doesnt make people fall out of love. You can consider adoption if you're comfortable with that idea. I got pregnant by my now husband 4 months into our reationship and we got through fine (with a little help from our parents though). He has a good job now and I dont even have to work (I love being a stay-at-home mom-gives me more time with my daughter). Tell your parents, they can help. I was scared too but my motherly instincts kicked iin as soon as I had her. She is the most important thing in my life; I love her more than anything. Whatever you choose to do, I hope it works out for you. Good luck. (Btw you will have less free time but its worth it).

Answer 11

hello, i am now 22, and i have a 4 year old, and am ttc our next child, i am not married, but i am still with my 4 year olds father, we now own a house, and he has a great job. there are places that can help, if you want to email and chat with me you can, if you are in ontario canada, i can help you out even more... there are placest that you can go to about once a week/month i can't remember, it might have been twice a month, and i got vouchers for food, and prenatal vitamins. the food bank will also help you out if you need it. you only have until you are 10 weeks to have an abortion unless you decide that way due to the babys/your own health. Personally if i was you, go ahead and have the baby. i did it when i was only 17, and i finished high school. if you do fall out of love, he will have to pay child support, so don't worry!