How do I tell my husband that I want a dissolution?

Question

My husband and I have had a rocky 10 yrs together, mostly good but the bad is what scares me into living the rest of my life feeling trapped. He acts like he is trying to make an effort to do more and he finally got a job, but after 1.5 yrs of working 2 jobs myself just so we can survive because he can't find work has worn me down. I honestly don't know if he could make things better from this point on. Too many things were said that I can't forget. I realize he was in a major depression, but calling your wife a slut, ***** and 2 bit whore in front of family members makes it hard to say I love you.We are both young and could start over, but there is a house to sell and credit card debt. He threatens to divorce me at least once a week, but I know if I am the one to finally call his bluff he will act totally astonished and play the victim. Do I just suck it up and go through with it, or wait it out a little while longer. I just hate wasting time when we could both be happier apart

Answer 1

Everyone deserves to be happy. You didnt say if you tried marraige counseling. You did say he was making an effort. If the love is gone than its gone. Do you have kids? You need to think about what staying with or without him would do to the kids. I dont think you will be able to find the answers you are looking for on this site. I think you need to talk to him and a professional. Good luck

Answer 2

I am not an expert but in my case I stayed 6 yrs longer then I should have. After I looked back I wished I would not have wasted those last 6 yrs and would have gotten started on my new life quicker.. It is very hard but not impossible to start over. It is a mess at 1st but it gets straighten out in time and you will feel like 1000 lbs just got lifted off your back

Answer 3

Ten years and he can only express himself by referring to you as a vulgar description of a part of the female anatomy? Oh...and he can't find work?
My dear girl....why do you find it necessary to ask what you should do, especially here? Its clear that you aren't a simpleton. Its also clear that you aren't afraid to enter into and stay in the work force and make money to support yourself and your lifestyle. Marriage is a two way street. A man who refers to his wife in the presence of others...let alone in front of you...in such vile and barbaric language is no man. Its also pretty obvious that he has no respect for you. i can tell you this...if I even used, let alone call my wife a Charlie Uniform November Tango I'd be singing soprano for the rest of my life. If she allowed me to wake the next morning.
Why don't you boot this cur to the curb? You seem to have a lot going for you. Of course you realize you'll never be rid of him. Men like this see you as a great item to abuse, have sex with, cook and clean for him and in essence degrade you because this is apparently the station he has placed you at in his life. If you walked he'd follow you because he's too sluggish to make it on his own. I guess it would be correct in saying that you've also enabled him and he seems quite comfortable with that. Once the meal ticket/sex/maid/verbal abuse magnet is gone...he'll panic. Forget the depression crap. He has to make the effort to pull out of that or get the help he needs. But he seems rather comfortable using you as a doormat.

I hope I've made my point clear to you. Remember this....after today you can never say you were never told.

Answer 4

It's not going to get any easier. Sit your husband down and tell him that if he threatens a divorce one more time, you WILL take him up on it. The ball is in his court. Then follow through.
You didn't say if you have children, but if you do, remember that you are teaching them how to behave in a relationship.
You've proven that you can take care of yourself, now don't be afraid to make the move. It's not going to be easy, but worth it.

Answer 5

Life is entirely too short for all the unhappiness and drama. Move on. The right guy is out there.

Consult an attorney and get the ball rolling. Then just be honest and tell him it is over. No game playing...no drama...just over.

Ba-bye

Answer 6

true life its 2 short the only reason will stop you not to leave him right away if there's kids - as a men our duty to make it up and make our sweet lady life full of joy and 2 work hard growing that love.. from your letter i think you are not after the money or if he work or not you are searching for the real love with that lover treat you as a lady as a queen ,, which you missing
JUST LEAVE HIM & FOUND YOUR LIFE
wish you a happy life

Answer 7

Don't worry about the house & credit card debit, something can be done about them. If you are serious about divorce, move out and serve him with the papers the same day. That should send the message loud & clear.

Answer 8

It sounds like you've already made your decision! I think after 10 years, if he hasn't gotten his act together, and is treating you disrespectfully, there isn't alot for you to stick around for.
His attitude is probably bc he can't find work and feels inadequate.
Is there a particular reason he can't keep a job? Talk to him about what you're feeling, and give him a timeline and goals to achieve if you want him to stick around and prove himself.

Answer 9

You are so worth it to have happiness in your life.. It sounds like you have made your decision already... Personally if it was me I would wait for him to bring up the *D* word and when he did I would say.... I think you right, and go from there... If he is using the D word that much it sounds like he wants out too...
Wishing you happiness...

Answer 10

The house can be sold to pay off the debts.
Life is too short to be miserable.