feeling detatched from baby?

Question

I'm 33 weeks prego and I keep waiting to feel some sort of bond with my baby but i just feel like there's an alien inside me...
has anyone else gone through this? I'm worried that i wont bond with my baby when he is here.

Answer 1

Don't worry. I am 35 weeks and have times when I feel the same. There is such a huge increase in hormones that these feelings are very common although not often talked about. I think films like Alien have not helped at all which is a shame.

Find yourself some quiet moments to talk to the baby. I do this when I'm in bed or in the bath. I rub my stomach and wait for the little kicks. I ask the baby how they are and tell him/her how nervous I am about the birth. You may feel a bit silly at first but it does help you feel like the two of you are in it together.

If you have any ideas for names try them out and think of the baby with the name rather than just this thing inside you.

Unborn babies are really alert and responsive to when is going on around them from an early stage - they can hear your conversations and music. When you're listening to music or the theme from a TV show talk to the baby and include it - again you may feel silly at first but it is nice.

Don't have the expectation of bonding with the baby as soon as it is born. It can take weeks or months and this dosn't make you a bad mother, it's just your raging hormones.

I just remind myself how lucky I am to be able to have a baby and be gentle with myself when I feel a bit down - we are completely normal, just being honest about the way we sometimes feel which will make us great mums.

Answer 2

In our society it is expected (especially if you're a "good" mom) that you will instantly bond with your child at the moment of conception. Reality? No way. Very few women feel an instant attachment although very few women will admit this. We feel that if we admit that we aren't bonded with the baby that we're bad women and worse - bad mothers. I'm only 21 weeks along and feel exactly the same way. When I first started feeling movements I was actually creeped out by it. It seems and feels really weird to me knowing there is something growing inside me. When one of my girlfriends had her baby she felt like a horrible person because she didn't feel instant love for her daughter. It took some time. Maybe some women do instantly bond, but I suspect that if most women were honest (at least to themselves) they've felt some apprehension on some level.

Don't worry about it - you are perfectly normal and you will love your baby in time.

Answer 3

You are normal. I think a lot of people expect to feel a bond. Hollywood has kind of put that into our heads, and because of guilt, a lot of people don't talk about it either.
I was like you. I was glad to be pregnant, I wanted a baby, but I just didn't feel that bond I always heard about. Even after she was born, I saw her, I felt it and it was almost like it was happening to someone else. I held her and snuggled her and nursed her, but I just didn't have that Feeling everyone said new mothers had. My daughter was about 2 weeks old. Every one had finally gone home. My husband was at work and I was alone with her. I had just finished nursing her and she was sleeping on the couch. I was just sitting with her and looking at her. She was so pretty and she was such a quiet baby. And it kind of hit me. She is MY daughter. I am her MOTHER. I started bawling. After that day I really started to bond with her and she is still the most precious little girl to me. Don't worry. It will come in time. After talking to other people they had similar feelings. Sometimes it takes a while, but it will happen.

Answer 4

This can be very normal. Things will change when the baby comes. Talk with your doctor about how you feel, you may be feeling something akin to postpartum depression because of the hormones and your doctor can help. Have you put your nursery together? Have you washed and folded all the clothes? At Christmas, it doesn't feel like Christmas until the tree is up and sometimes, its hard to feel like you are a mom until you have the nursery ready. I am 22wks pregnant with my third, I haven't put my nursery up yet and it is really bothering me. Don't worry too much, you will have a real baby to hold and take care of soon, no more imaginary baby.

Answer 5

I felt the same way with my second child. I was so afraid of being a mom to two kids. When she was born, that all changed. There is an instant bond. And, if you do feel the same way after the baby is born, don't hesitate to ask for help. Post partum depression is something a lot of woman go through.

Good luck

Answer 6

I didn't feel close to my baby when I was pregnant--i felt more like she was a parasite living off of me--

When she was born, I immediately thought she was perfect--but I still didn't quite have that "bond".

Sometimes it takes a while. For me, after about 1-2 weeks I definitely was in love with her. Give it time and don't worry!

Answer 7

My friend had a difficult pregnancy - throwing up so much that she needed a prescription for it. Needless to say she was anxious to give birth to her own little alien. Some people's hearts melt when they first lay eyes upon their baby, but for others - like my friend, it didn't kick in right away. Her advice to me, being 3 months behind her pregnancy, was not to feel bad if I didn't bond immediately with my baby. For her, it came later, when she had some time to recoup, relax and familiarize herself in her new motherly role.

I'm sure given time, you will be just fine. The important thing is that you already have concerns for your child and that is a good motherly instinct.

Answer 8

Everyone is different. I felt very bonded during pregnancy and then when my baby was born - I felt like I didn't know who this baby was - it wasn't the baby I had pictured. He was the "perfect" baby, but it didn't seem like he was mine. For a day or two I actually felt sad for the baby I didn't have in my belly anymore and had to "learn" to bond to this "new" baby that I was holding in my arms. I was actually ashamed of these feelings and kept them to myself. Talk to people who you love and try not to worry.

Answer 9

You're normal! I don't feel overly "bonded" with my baby yet either (I'm 27 weeks)...you can't expect to magically connect with this little human you've never seen or held. I know my sister just had her 2nd baby and was saying how weird it felt because she knows her first baby so well; knows his personality, his moods, his actions...and the new baby was like a little stranger she knew nothing about...but everyday she learns his personality and connects more and more.

The bonding and connection will come! But don't feel bad because you don't have it yet!!

Answer 10

You may feel an instant bond with your baby when he/she is born or you may not. Alot of women don't have an instant bond with their newborn but that doesn't make them any less of a mom(some women will not admit it) Do a search on yahoo(or google) about women bonding with their babies I am sure you will see several stories.....I've read several in the American Baby magazine