My husband and I have a 10 month old. The first grandbaby for everyone. My husbands parents are divorced and now both are remarried. This makes 3 sets of grandparents!!! Is it rude to not be available if my father inlaw calls every other weekend 1-2 hours before arriving??? It seems as if they are calling every weekend to ask if they can come over. When we tell them we have plans, they will try to come over before or after whatever we are doing. This really puts my husband in a very sticky situation. His father does not take no for an answer.
We need a solution. We feel like we have to stay away from home to have any time to ourselves. His father also likes to let us know that he is bringing "gifts" for the baby and they are just gonna "stop by" to bring them over. We could care less about the gifts just PLEASE RESPECT OUR SPACE
2007-02-28 07:00:11 · 18 answers · asked by dfisher412 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Had the same problem..no matter what you say to them they will be hurt and possibly angry with you...the only way we were able to fix the problem was to move 200 miles away from all the grandparent's....it limit's how often they can just "drop by"...if moving is not an option you may have to risk talking to them about it. good luck!
2007-02-28 07:21:20 · answer #1 · answered by Erinyes 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like the "first" grandchild! Regardless, you and your husband will be in the same situation yourselves,and believe me,sooner then later. As your child grows,support from any "grandparent" is very helpful. Now,your baby is little,and soon you will be wanting to go out,who better to watch your child! Did you not know that children who are raised with an attachment,nurturing grandparent,aunts,uncles,on a regular basis- ARE the most productive,responsible children? It DOES take a "village" to raise a child. So just as excited as the two of you were waiting for the arrival of your child, both your parents were even more excited. One day, you will both know exactly what I am talking about. Enjoy this,just set a "time-table" and let everyone know! Tell them, just like the "baby" needs "rest" so do you. Assure them, that as their grandchild grows, so will the visits. Promise them that they will be the first to be asked. Remember, without their love, the two of you would not "exist" and you would never have made this child! Be nice... they won't be around for much longer,I know,I am a grandmother,and when they are gone,you don't want to be sorry.
2007-02-28 07:19:29 · answer #2 · answered by peaches 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, they should call at least the day before to see if you have plans, and respect your wishes. It is tiring having a baby at home. It is nice that they want to see their grandchild and give them gifts, however, they are being rude. It's like they're in competition with each other to see who can get to see the grandchild the most. Have you ever thought about not answering the phone/and/or having an answering machine. They may think you are not home then. Also, maybe plan some time away from home and go to a motel together, or on vacation. It will give them and you some space from each other.
2007-02-28 07:07:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband needs to be more firm with his father about the impromptu visits. If he tells his father flat-out that you need some quiet family time, for naps or adult time while the child is napping, or just for family cuddles. Tell them that they are interrupting the time that the three of you need to bond -- perhaps that will help a bit. Or screen your calls when you declare it to be "family day" just for you three.
I'm sure the grandparents are just being very enthusiastic about the new baby, and are very interested in him. Try scheduling a few longer visits at your own convenience as a way of making up to the grandparents that they can't just drop by whenever they want.
2007-02-28 07:05:10 · answer #4 · answered by Jarien 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can relate to demanding in-laws. My husband's parents live 3.5 hours away and our visits last for the whole weekend since we have to travel or they come here. Whenever we have a free weekend, they expect us to spend it with them.
It's really hard to put your foot down when it comes to parents that are not your own. You know how to handle your own parents, but it's hard to tell what might really upset them. It sounds like your FIL is stubborn and, perhaps, clueless. Maybe you can try to arrange visits with them beforehand and tell them that you'll be busy for the week or weekend, so they know it's not appropriate to barge in. (Not that you really want to visit with him... but still.) Do you have Caller ID? Would he still come by if you didn't talk to him on the phone first? I know it's kind of rude, but I would see what he does.
Good luck, girl! I know how hard it can be! Hang in there! I just got done typing my MIL a 3 page letter! Ha ha! If all else fails, give that a try! :)
2007-02-28 07:10:01 · answer #5 · answered by Heidi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no fix to this problem without hurting someone's feelings. Just be glad that your child has grandparents that want to be in his/her life. Your baby won't be a baby forever, so let them have their fun while it lasts. Heck, instead of having them come by your house, if you are comfortable with it, drop the baby off with them. That would give you & your spouse time together.
2007-02-28 07:29:47 · answer #6 · answered by mark my words 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to tell them exactly what you have told us. You're only just now getting used to being a family and it is not very nice to just drop in at a moments notice. Be nice, but be firm. Set up a schedule or let them know you have plans in advance. If you don't start now it will only get worse.
2007-02-28 07:10:36 · answer #7 · answered by Alchemist 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
copy your question and send it to in-laws anonymously...they'll recognize themselves surely...
grandparents are a blessing. Your child is lucky to grandparents
that care enough to take the time... you too in time will learn to appreciate this fact. when the child is older let each set of grandparents take the child for a day... It will make memories for the child as well as give you time to spend with just the hubby...
a child can never have too many people to love them...
2007-02-28 07:12:22 · answer #8 · answered by double_klicks 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to your parents that you understand that this is their first grandchild and that you appreciate everything that they do but please do not continue to just "drop" in at a moments notice. Explain to them that you want alone time with your husband and child and that you would appreciate it if they called days before they come to make sure that you don't have other plans.Good luck.
2007-02-28 07:19:46 · answer #9 · answered by juicie813 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's a hard one you life is kinda of like Debra's from everyone loves raymond you don't want to destroy your relationship with your inlaws but you have to change it so everyone is happy you should tell them that they have to call you more in advanced when coming to the house tell them they are always welcome but should respect your lives it will be hard but you will come up with a solution
2007-02-28 07:13:05 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋