Can you forgive someone who has hurt you deeply?

Question

Can you forgive a person who in the past hurt you very deeply, who you tried to previously forgive and make amends, but at that time the person still was being hurtful to you, and now years later they want to apologize? I had someone very close that did some off things to me back in the day that I still feel very hurt over and now they are making all these attempts to locate me to apologize. I found out by friends and family this person is desperately trying to contact me, now they all now the situation and are only relaying messages from the person to me but not telling how to contact me. I person don't ever want anything to do with them ever again, but some say I should atleast give the person the chance to apologize since it bothers me still. I don't want to go there again because I tried that before and this person so called apology was flip around make is seem like I was the one who was wrong when believe I never did anything to this person. What would you do in this situation?

Answer 1

well first of all did you really let them know how hurt you were when they wronged you did you really tell them everything you wanted to after they hurt you? I can understand if your still hurting and now would be the perfect time to tell them everything you feel and how much they hurt you don't hold anything back yell fuss curse do what ever it is you need to to get all that your feeling off your chest then hear them out let them apologize and forgive them and then forgive yourself for letting everything that person did bother you in the past let it all go and truly release yourself for all of that stress and drama but in order for that to happed and in order for you to feel better you must truly forgive that person and let go of all the pain you have been feeling so ya forgive them but......... never forget what they have done so that you wont be hurt again in the future

Answer 2

Yes. You can forgive someone who has hurt you deeply. In fact, NOT forgiving someone will have devestating consequences to your emotional (and sometimes physical) well being. When someone wrongs you, you're angry, hurt, depressed...at some point you want revenge but eventually that dies out and you decide you never want to see, hear, or even think about that person again. You began to wish you had handled things differently and begin to blame yourself. I could go into several levels of psychological analysis but there isn't enough space for that. The long and short of it is that sooner or later you end up hating yourself and engaging in self destructive behavior like self mutilation (cutting yourself or causing yourself pain on purpose), rough, degrading, unprotected sex wit multiple partners, etc.

My advice to you would be to let this person find you and let them apologize but by all means do NOT make it easy. What I mean when i say that is dont' let them give apologize and you just let them off the hook by saying "Well that's okay. I've gotten over it anyway." The single most important thing is let that person know how hurt and angry you are. Be brutally honest with them. I would even recommend telilng them what you've thought of doing to them out of revenge. Letting this all will lift such an enormous weight off your shoulders you can almost feel yourself get lighter. After you've said your piece, let the person apologize again. When they're finished you need to tell them "I forgive you" in those exact words. Don't say "Its' cool" or "It's alright" or "It's okay" or anything else. Say "I forgive you" and mean it. The words "I forgive you" are so powerful they are the ONLY words that start the healing process for you. Until that happens, you will never be free of the pain and anguish that have gripped you and everything about you.

You're a grown woman and you can do what you want to do, but I would HIGHLY recommend that you let this person find you. Confront them and forgive them. If not, I can almost guarantee that you will NEVER find true happiness...no matter what.

Good luck. I hope it works out. Keep me posted.

Answer 3

Hurtful person has been out of your life for years. You have been living your life just fine without this Hperson. You don't have any reason to listen to them apologize again. After all these years. You don't owe them anything. Just live your life like you have been doing. Leave the past where it belongs, in the past. Time for apologizes are over. Seeing this Hperson would only dredge up all of this again. Leave it alone! Let sleeping dogs lie!

Answer 4

I would let them apologize...but i think you should try to forgive to. i think it might help you if you talk to them since you ARE still hurting and seem to have a little bit of a grudge. I say try to mend things even if it doesnt come to being a friendship again. You and the person will all feel better.


GOOD LUCK

Answer 5

Forgive them but let go. Don't get tied up with them again, so don't give them any contact information. Relay a message from a friend or a family member telling that person that you accept their apolige and forgive them but don't want to have a relationship (just as friends or otherwise) with them. Then forget about it, they know that you've accepted their apolige and have apoligized but that you don't want anything to do with them now. Just let go.

Answer 6

I am there and still hurts because I live in the city with family and ALL of the Family members have forgiven others for hurting them but Me, Now this I do not understand. Its like one set of rules for some and another for me. WTF I am so astonished at how Hypocritical this all is and some are grandparents. Who ever said wisdom comes with age? NOT

Answer 7

'Two Wolves'

An old Cherokee chief is teaching his grandson about life:

"A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.

"One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, and ego.

"The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope,
serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.

"This same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old chief simply replied, "The one you feed."

Answer 8

give him a chance hes had enough time to think and realizes he meade a mistake they usually do after you have nothing to do with them for a while

Answer 9

on the money mike!