Is this normal?

Question

I am so scared of moving in w/my boyfriend because I would have to change my daughter from her school. He lives in a suburb where everyone is mainly white. My daughter and I are latino and I am worried that she won't fit it and won't have any friends. She is doing so well in her current school and don't want to change that.

My neighborhood is not the greatest. Us moving with him gives us a better opportunity to be in a safe & nice neighborhood. She is 10 years old.

Answer 1

Have you asked your daughter about it? I think it's important to get her opinion, but you are the parent and you should always have her best interest at heart. If you think she won't fit in, then you should first talk to her and then talk to your boyfriend. Hopefully he will understand, or maybe you all can come to a comfortable compromise.

Answer 2

I was in a similar situation. I would suggest at least waiting for the school year to end and let her start fresh. It will make it an easier transition. Give her plenty of time to think about it before it actually happens and get her feelings towards the change.
As far as the racial thing, I don't know where you're located but every school I know anything about is multi-racial. Latinos and Hispanics around my area have fit in with the majority everywhere, schools, workplace, etc.
I think it's very normal to put the best interest of your child first. That just means that you are a good and caring mother.

Answer 3

Yes, moving from where you are comfortable is scary, and normal. =)

However, I don't think you should be too worried about moving into a suburb with people that are of different background than you and your daughter.

How old is your daughter? Have you asked HER opinion on changing neighbourhoods? Does SHE want to change schools? You might be surprised by her answers. If she doesn't feel comfortable about changing schools, then let her continue her schoolling where she is. If she does want to try attending a different school, then wait until this school term is done.

Children are more open to changing than most adults. =) But, keep in mind that if she does become uncomfortable in her situation either at school, or at home, she won't do well in her schoolling no matter where she goes.

Children are very impressionable, and if you impose YOUR fears unto her (racial, social, etc), then both of you will be in for some rollercoaster rides for sure. Try not to teach her that she is 'different' and 'won't fit in', otherwise she will have a negative outlook on herself and low self esteem.

Be proud of who you are, where you came from and the fact that she is doing well with her education.

...and if the b/f has troubles dealing with that, gently remind him that your daughter is most important. If he is 'the one' for you, he will understand and will help you feel comfortable. =)

Answer 4

well for the time is left of school you don't have to change of school... So that won't be a problem I guess I sa don't move her from school yet...ANd about living in white neighborhood I don't see anything wrong with that...I am a latina american and since I moved to the US 13 years ago my neighborhood is been ony white area and my friends all caucasians I don't any hispanic or latino friend and realy I am the happy person in whole world never had a problem of discrimination instead I am been discriminated by latinos is not that so funy and really never bothers me at all...I hear people say they been discriminated by white people not me is the oppposite way... So I don't see anything wrong with that and don't be scare...

Answer 5

Wow, this was the same scenario for me and my daughter a few years ago. We moved in with my G/F at the time and it wasn't pretty. I was scared just as you are, but without thinking I/we moved in many miles away. Long story short, we moved back shortly thereafter, and my daughter is much happier.

I agree with some of the answers above, why doesn't he move in with you. You're the one raising a kid, single people don't realize it's not so easy to pick up and move for kids, especially since longtime friends have been established and young children/young adults don't adapt to newer surronding as easy as us adults do.

Don't make the same mistake I did, think it over first, and then think it over again, you're the single parent in the relationship, you're sacrificing a whole lot more than he is

Answer 6

I wouldn't do that. That is cruel to your daughter. The school year is almost over. She'd be the "new kid" and it would be so stressful on her. You didn't tell us her age, but that also has a lot to do with it. Why would you do that to her for a man? What if you broke up? Then your daughter would have to move again. She needs stability and you're responsible to give it to her. Put her first, you'll never regret it. I'm sure your boyfriend will understand and want what's best for your daughter, too. If not, then he's probably not the right one for you and your daughter.

Answer 7

Your child should always come first, why not have your boyfriend move in with you, that way your daughter can stay at her school. He should respect your feelings regarding your daughter changing schools. You are just showing that you are a good mother by taking your daughter into consideration instead of just thinking of yourself like some people do.

Answer 8

Oh, wow, interesting question. When you go over to your boyfriend does you daughter play with anyone in the neighborhood? It would be great if she did and it would be an easier transition for her when you move there. Maybe you could also go check out the school she'd be attending and see if there is a more diverse group that attends. Good luck.

Answer 9

Yes this is normal because as a parent you want the best for your child and you want them to be well adjusted. I would wait until the end of the school year and during the summer, hang out at his place with her to get to know the kids in the neighborhood and this may ease her into a new school.

Answer 10

It is perfectly normal to be worried about that. Honestly, if it is a good suburb, you won't have anything to worry about. Honestly, if she is doing well in the school she is in, maybe wait until she is moving onto middle school or so before actually moving her.