Should a man always choose sides with his mother instead of his wife?

Question

My husband and I have been living in his mothers basement for three years now, and I want to get out!! But she wants to move down here and put us up stairs, but I always feel we can't do what we want. I want privacy to come and go as we please. If we have friends over I feel we have to keep it down, or if we come home late I feel she's up waiting for us. I left my home (at age 19) to find my own way, and I love my parents, but I wouldn't want to live in their basement. We only moved in for me to go back to school, and now that it is finished I feel that when I find a job we should leave. He seems to think that every thing is fine and don't know why this upsets me, I am thinking of leaving to live by myself. Any advice. Only serious replies please!!! I don't want to live with my mother in law forever, so why should he? I think he feels guilt because she divorced when he was young. But I think she needs to get a life outside of ours, and we need to get on with having our own life.

Answer 1

Girl, I agree with you. I think your husband has grown to content with having his wife and his mom both to call upon when ever needed.And also I think that he feels like he is doing for her what his father has possibly not done for her,like maybe he feels obligated to try and be there for her.
I say you express to him that just because you are moving out doesn't mean he cant spend time with his mom and be there for her,but also let him know that two people in love should have their own corner of the world in order to get the needed privacy and self respect needed to make love its best.Men sometimes can be creatures of habit,if we get too comfortable with a situation its hard to get us to wish to change it.Take him to the store and go into a lingerie shop and show him all the things you plan on wearing for him when you have a place you can feel comfortable enough to do so.LOL! I bet he will start to pack you guys right away!
Good luck and stand firm.If he isn't going to let go of momma for you then its best you find out now before you invest too much that you may end up having to give up cause he wont grow up and stand along with you.
:)

Answer 2

depends on the issue, but generally a man should side with his wife.

Also, a couple should be living on their own. If your husband isn't man enough to live alone with you, or hasn't the balls to move out from his mother's house, then you need to do what is best for your own personal peace and happiness. Maybe your moving out will finally compel your husband to act like a man.

Answer 3

Hello your case is very serious to me.the best you can do is meet any friend of his and lay the matter since he will not see things the way you see.he mother probabilily need company, but the fact remains that every man must leave his parent to hook up with a woman his wife.secondily a man must see reason to take decision on his own.Cause for instance agreeing with his mother make you,his wife a stranger.the best is that when you start working and can afford a home.please do it for him.cause i believe he is afriad of the bills.lastily make him a man of your choice and love him like you never did.goodluck

Answer 4

Sounds like you need to leave that place. Its never good to live with the in laws. Everyone knows that...Its a mess if you do. Your husband needs to get 2-3 jobs to get on your own. Trust me on this...I hated with my girl's dad kept on trying to control how she did things. I moved FAR alway, b/c this is my OWN life and my own family.

Answer 5

ok...so u need some privacy and i totally understand.im a daughter in law living in the same house wid my parents in law.i dun even have a separate basement and i know that at times u just feel like living all by urslf (just u and ur hubby & kids).but i never thinkin about doing that coz they r his parents.u moved out at 19 fine.it was ok coz u lived alone.and ur mom had ur father to tc of her.but that lady is alone now.shez old and needs her son.and its ur hubby duty to tc of her a she did when he was young.she cud have married another mana dn lived her own life enjoyed herslf.stop being so selfish...u moved in coz u went to school now u wana move out when u'll u'll do a job and have some money.the difference between animals and human is that we feel a lot for others god has given us brain to think logicaly.1 day u have to answer god too.so stop acting like this.may b rite now u wont liek my answer but when u'll grow old u will realize that staying wid her wasnt that bad.coz 1 day u'll need ur kids to stay wid u when u'll need them and they all will have a life if their own.so stay wid her but tell her that u need some more privacy and that she shudnt worry about u guys being late as it makes u feel bad if she stays awake for u.tc.and hope u'll make the rite decision.have fun

Answer 6

Talk with your husband about your feelings. Then tell him to grow up because when you got married, you leave your mama and take care of your wife first, always. If you get along with your in-law, explain to her what your feeling are also, if she is a good mother-in-law, she will understand and support your decisions.

Answer 7

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER. A man is to leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife. And that's straight from the bible. Besides that, it's sound advise.
It's time he says "goodbye" to mommy. You have the power to make him do as you wish. Use it.
If you're not sure what I mean, turn on an episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond" and see how Debra gets what see wants.

Answer 8

to fix that problem is to tell your husband either find a place together or your getting a apartment after you get a job and first pay-check that your not living under his mother rest of your life it will be worse when you have kids living under your moter in law

Answer 9

Your question has nothing to do with what you wrote. While I agree that it's time to get your own place, I see nothing in this question that says your husband is always choosing his mother over you.

Answer 10

If your husband won't leave this situation with you, he is not worth staying with. He should side with you over his mother. If he really feels opposite of you, then he needs to let you know why.