am i wrong? a sexless marraige story?

Question

Ive been married now 6 years...and have three kids. All its missing is the picket fence and a dog and we would have the picture perfect life. Problem is...is that my wife is the kind of woman who has to have things 100% her way. If she doesnt get that she will yell, scream, ***** and drive you so crazy you will do what she wants just to stop the mouth from moving. I love my kids. They are the only reason im still in this. But now we have gone from a husband and a wife....to roomates. And yes....i dont have sex with my wife. I dont even bring up the subject or even try anything. Im from texas and all of my friends think im crazy...but how can a man been intimate with someone who would rather yell and be nasty 24/7?

am i wrong? oh...and yes i help with the kids....and work, but even there since im always wrong and can do no right, its hard to help out when i mess up everything i touch.

i have tried to get her to goto theripy...but she does not think it will work and says she is against it

Answer 1

you should really add everything you just told me into the additional details section of the question you just asked...

that aside, given everything you just said, i think you should try a few different things.

separate your finances. if she doesn't work, give her a practical allowance.

give her the ultimatum. counseling, or she has to leave without the kids.

ask her a few questions about the kids...
what their favorites are... colors, foods, movies, toys.....
when is bath time? when do they do their homework?
what subjects do they need help with?
on and on and on....
i do this with my husband, and he has no clue. right there i win the "who's the better parent" battle.
if she can't answer these questions then she has no right to take them.

then is the respect issue. she calls you names, call her a name here and there... if you get really nasty, i will guarantee, she'll get violent. she gets violent, have her locked up. there's a wake up call.

i hate to say it, because it's the dirtiest tactic to pull. but, if there's nowhere to go but down, throw a jet engine on it. trap her in her own behavior. if you have the means, put spy-cams in the house (talk to a lawyer first, they may be admissable in court).

but whatever you do
do not be impulsive
plan this out
be systematic
cover your assets

i'm all for sticking things out, but there's a line to be drawn.
she has clearly crossed it.

if i were you, i'd get out.

geez, i don't even get my nails done.
jacket fettish? grow up!
too much money, not enough to do.

Answer 2

Texas pride!! Anyway, you need to either suck it up and have a roomate so you can stay around your kids, or work on it. Something else to think about...has she gained a lot of weight recently, stressed out by the kids, are you acting like a jerk? There has to be a reason she has changed and a reason you fell in love with her...try and find that again. The best thing to do though.....buy her a new outfit, take her out, tell her how wonderful she looks, have some drinks. The time off from the kids as well as the pampering will make a huge difference. Good luck!

Answer 3

Well the simple answer to this would be to leave. However do you love this woman? You never mentioned that. If you are unhappy you need to tell her. Talking is the best answer. Don't stay just for your kids. Its not fair to you or to them. Letting them grow up in a home with 2 parents apart is worse than leaving. Tell her that her actions are turning you off. Does she know how you feel. Sometimes just telling a person to stop and look at the way they are behaving is enough for them to change. Why is she nasty and yelling all the time. Is she overworked stressed what? Maybe you don't give her enough help and or attention. Kids can be overwhelming and make a person loose who they are. You forget that you are a person and have needs.
Try doing something nice with her alone. Make her feel that she matters. Are you feeling the same way. Talk to her tell her you need. If you love each other don't give up. Try.

Answer 4

Firstly, I suggest talking to your wife and telling her how you feel. If she agrees and she's been acting weird then maybe you can take a little trip together (too expensive send the kids off to Grandmas house and spend the weekend alone). Take the time not only to talk things over but also spend time heating things up!

If that doesn't work try seeing a marriage counselor.

If all thats said and done and nothing gets fixed maybe a divorce is the best thing. you can't stay in a loveless sexless marriage to make your kids happy, because kids aren't stupid they can see mommy and daddy fighting and they know somethings wrong. If your happier without your wife then that means you have more love to give to your kids, and they can live in a happier environment.

Answer 5

It sounds like she is one spoiled b**ch. She won't go to counseling because she knows they will tell her to compromise.

It may be time to put your foot down. Start by setting up an individual checking account. Start putting your cash in your own account and make her ask for it. I do not know who makes the money but it sounds like all you, yet she controls it.
That might be the wake up call that things are going to change.

Then you can put some limits on her behavior. Change or I'm gone. Counseling or, I'm gone. Love and affection or. . .well you get the picture.
Serious issues take drastic measures. You need to be ready to vacate. She has gotten away with that crap for so long it will not come easy. Its time for at least 60/40% not 100% her way.

Its also time you learned how to tell her NO and mean it.

Answer 6

It sounds to me like you need to assume the role you were designed for, that being the head of the household. That does not mean that you are lording over your wife, quite the opposite. But you're being way too passive in allowing her to call all the shots, or scream and rant and rave if things don't go her way. She sounds like a spoiled, immature, self-centered, controlling woman who needs to be set in her place. She more than likely feels very insecure and is suffering from self-esteem issues. You can change all that. Gently, but firmly, you need to regain control of your home. Let her know, first of all, that you are not threatening her womanhood or endeavoring to make her any less of an individual. Let her know that she is the most important person in your life. Positive reinforcement is necessary to make any lasting changes in behavior, so find little things that she is doing right, and praise her for them. Validate and honor her as your wife and help mate. When women know that they are truly loved, they gladly and willingly give of themselves to their husband and their family. Open up the doors of communication. Make a list of her good qualities, and put them in a little note. Thank her for who she is, and she will lighten up! Ask her to share from her heart how she feels about your relationship. Allow her to speak freely. This is very therapeutic, and sometimes difficult, butnecessary. When she has emptied her soul, then you begin to share. If quiet conversation is not possible at home, take her to a quiet little restaurant for coffee. Begin dating her again, making time for just the two of you on a regular basis.(once a week is best). That will renew the vitality and restore the energy that your marriage once had. It is still there, it just needs a boost. Once she realizes that she is the center of your universe, you will not have to worry about your sex life. That will take care of itself!

Answer 7

www.nomoremrniceguy.com

Don't be put off by the title. No more appeasing pouting doormat might be a better title. Go to the website. Get the book. Work on yourself. It might improve your marriage, or it might give you the strength to move on. Your wife is undoubtably part of the problems, but your own mindset - trying to appease her, not being able to voice what you want, feeling like you mess everything up - you can fix those regardless of what she does. She may respond well to that, and if not, you'll be in a better position to move on.

You owe it to your kids by getting your self respect back, standing up to their mother, and setting a better example for them.

Good luck man, its a tough journey, but you can handle it.

Answer 8

Similiar situation, but with me add the fact that my wife drinks very heavily. I am in the process of getting out. I noticed my daughter was acting out, and hating my wife for screaming at me etc. I know this was not healthy for anyone in the household. I would say you are not doing yourself or your kids by staying in a loveless marraige. Just my 2 cents, best of luck to you.

Answer 9

You were wrong in choosing to marry a woman that you can't get along with, and having three kids with her. Other than that - I don't see anything that you're doing wrong. Whatever works for you.

Answer 10

Sounds like you have got a lot of resentment towards your wife. I would go see a counselor. If not together, then at least alone to figure out what you want and what is best for you.

You should not be ashamed to ask for professional help. A counselor/therapist could really help you out of this bad/sad situation.