Marriage and baby?

Question

My baby is due in 3 months and when she is born my husband and I will have been married for almost 3 years. My question is how do you make sure to nurture your marriage and relationship while at the same time caring and loving for a newborn? My husband is my best friend and we both want to make sure that our marriage is not neglected when the baby comes. A new baby really shifts your priorities around, and of course the baby will become extremely important to us both...but we don't want to forget each other either! I don't want us to end up walking past each other, eyes glazed over...one going for the baby...the other going for a fresh diaper. I once read that an author compared having a baby to throwing a hand grenade into a marriage...does anyone that's been through this agree with that comparison?

How do you juggle your marriage and parenthood. How do you possibly find time for each other between working and parenting?

Answer 1

I am in your exact same position. Our three year anniversary will be in August, and our first baby will be born in May.

I have done a ton of reading up, and one of the best ideas I have heard so far is celebrate your anniversary "day" every month.

For example - Our anniversary is August 14th, so every 14th of the month is date night, no matter what. Neither person is every allowed to make plans, and you either hire a babysitter or get Grandma to watch the baby. That way, if your lives get so hectic, at least once a month you will have a night away. (even just for dinner and a movie).

Another thing we are going to try to do is something that I saw growing up. I used to babysit 3 kids for a couple when I was 16. Every thursday evening I would come over for 2-3 hours while they went and did the weekly shopping together with no kids. That way, they didnt have to deal with kids screaming in the supermarket, and they got some alone time every week. (and I only charged 5 bucks an hour, so it cost them 20 with tip).

Good Luck!!!

Answer 2

By talking, talking, talking. They say it's important in a marriage? Even more so when you have a child!

You'll be so exhausted, you'll feel unattractive, your body will be doing weird things, your sex drive most likely will be shot, hormones go down (and seem to get lost in some cases!).

But communication, understanding, and whether or not he helps out will make a BIG impact on how fast you pop back.

Oh, but it is the most AMAZING feeling in the world! You look at him, and he looks at you, and suddenly, you see someone completely new. Remember how different it was between dating and then finally realizing you were married? Yeah, multiply that by 10million :) It might take time before you feel right again (we're still not back to "normal" and our daughter is 2), but.....you start to re-evaluate what feels "right" and "normal"...our conversations are deeper as we've really had to communicate how we REALLY feel about discipline (oh, and believe me! Your opinion will change when it comes down to the nitty gritty!), religious teachings, diversity, etc. My husband is SUCH a great dad! And if we don't look at each other the same way, it's because we've become so much more to each other. He's not just my lover, friend, confidant, etc. He is that....and so much more now.

Yes, it is true that having a baby is like throwing a hand grenade into a marriage. But sometimes, upon putting the pieces back together, you find you've got so much more to deal with. And you would do it all over again KNOWING that your relationship would change, because it's TOTALLY worth it.

Answer 3

My husband is my best friend as well and having babies has not hurt our marriage in any way. If you really are that close then don't worry, taking care of the new baby will just be one more thing that the two of you can do together. Don't worry about your eyes glazing over for a while either, you are both going to be very tired because of lack of sleep for a while, that's totally normal. Try to make time for just the two of you to get away every once in a while, but don't be surprised if you don't really have the energy to do that for the first couple of months. Cuddle every time you get the chance, touch each other as often as possible, make love with your eyes. I know that sounds sappy and rediculous, but at times that's the only intimacy you may have, and it will be enough until the two of you are getting some sleep again and the baby's got a schedule et cetera.
Good luck, I hope this helps.

Answer 4

Having a baby is like throwing a hand grenade into your whole life! (Just kidding - I love love love my husband and son!) BUT Your relationship will change, but change isn't automatically a bad thing. Your whole life is about to change (well - it is...) and becoming a family of three is a different dynamic that being a family of two. The first three months are the hardest, babies are at their most needy and demanding when you are least prepared for it! There will be days when you WILL be walking past each other with a glazed look on your face, but it happens to everyone and will pass with time. Take some time every day to talk to your husband about things that AREN'T the baby. Try to do something special for your husband every now and then, a unexpected love note on the mirror, a treat from the store, just to put him (and you) into the mindset of caring for each other in addition to your baby. And be sure to take care of yourself, it's so hard to find time for yourself. You are already mindful of your relationship - that's a great sign!

Answer 5

Iam 23, and married for 3 years with a 6 week old.

If he truly is your best friend, like my husband is to me, its not hard at all. The first few weeks you have to be mom, and theres not a huge amount of time to be married. You certainly wont be having sex for 6 weeks to two months. But, babies sleep often, and even 2 minutes together snuggling, or spooning, or hugging or something helps both of you.

He'll be so amazed with this new little person that he too will be a little more forgiving about not having all the time for being married.

A nice trick is to try to have baby napping or in a contained safe place when daddy first gets home. Then you have him to yourself for 5 minutes. Even is baby is screaming bloody murder, take that 5 minutes.

Plus, you both spend sooo much time together bonding with baby that it makes your relationship so much richer and stronger in different ways and on different levels.

There isnt really a difference between parenthood and marriage, unless you make one. Being married IS having kids. You live for them, but you're married to your spouse.

I for one can say that our marriage has been SO much better and our lives SO much more fulfilling since our son has come. Youre a whole new person to your husband, since you did this wonderful thing called birth and entered motherhood. And he's so amazing to you every time you watch him hold or interact with the baby you gave him. Its really amazing. Very strenthening.

Answer 6

You start with date night. Once or twice a week have a date night. Arrange for grandparents to watch the baby or someone you trust alot. You remember to say I love you each morning and each night. You hold hands, you give little hugs and kisses for no reason. You see the baby as an extention of your love, not a deterant to it. You set a schedule for your baby from the beginning. You make sure to have meals together. When you need to nap, try to do it together, even if your husband just lays there holding you. It seems like a mountain before the baby comes, but it doesn't have to be. My husband and I made sure to remember each other. Good Luck.

Answer 7

its not too hard. i am a 21 year old mother for 2 little boys. and i have been married 3 years in november. and we find time for just us when the kids are in bed and we find time with each outher with the kids. u have to think now ur gonna be a mother and u have to include that baby into everything ya'll do. or u can be like most ppl and hier a babysitter or take the baby to a family members house. now my husband and i refuse to leave are childern with anyone not that we dont trust them its just the babys years are very important and thay need there mother and father as much as possible. there are many ways to yes it is very hard to juggle u wanted a baby now ur marrage will suffer some at the begining i dont know anyones who hasent babys are hard work and need lots of attention and love ur up like every 2 hrs with the baby changing the diapers and feedings and bathing and playing with them. thay take alot of time and attention. u and ur husband have to know that and know u will not be able to spend every waking moment cuddling and haveiing sex and stuff like before the baby....yes having a baby is like trowing a hand grenade into a marrag. butt a baby brings many joys and happyness and stuff

Answer 8

My husband and I go out one night a week by ourselves. (We have two daughters, 3 and 1.) My Mom lives next door to us and is always home, so she keeps our girls' a lot when things need done.

At night, always keep an hour or so just to talk quietly about each others' days or watch a movie together after you put the baby down. (It won't always be easy, but it'll be nice.)

I think that author was a jaded. It's really not that way. Adding a baby to the mix of marriage can be a wonderful, amazing blessing if it's the right situation.

Good luck!

Answer 9

I hope your hubby isn't a selfish, ignorant, a** like my bf. He expects me to cook ,clean ,chase after an 18 month old ( that lately everything has become a constant fight with) tons of laundry, clean up after him because he's a complete mess, and then have sex and rub his back when he complains when I want to get my hair done. I'd say yes, having a baby has competely destroyed our relationship.And its not the baby! Its being totally exhausted and needing to just sleep. My bf is a good person and he works two jobs but he's a complete a**. I don't really know what the answer is because he doesn't want to compromise everything has to be about him.I feel like a maid. It's not easy to manage so I hope you better than me!

Answer 10

Just the fact that you are both concerned about each other and your marriage tells me that everything will be fine. It sounds like you both respect each other tremendously.
This baby will become the most important thing in the begining to both of you. You will feel more bonded to eachother than ever.
Make time for yourselves by hiring a sitter and going out together, schedule dates with one another! Kiss each other every mornig and before you go sto sleep and thank god for that precious baby coming!
You will all be fine