Have you been in a long-term relationship with someone who has borderline personality disorder?

Question

I'm still trying to get over an 18-year marriage to a man with BPD and I'm interested in other women's experiences and what they went through, did about it and so on. Sometimes I feel like the only person who has had this happen. It has destroyed my self-esteem and sometimes I wonder if I will ever be okay.

Thank you all for your kind words. I really needed them today. I've read everything I can get my hands on, but I don't know anybody personally who has it or has lived with it.

Answer 1

You aren't alone. Your statement "It has destroyed my self-esteem and sometimes I wonder if I will ever be okay". Exactly what I feel too. My confidence is gone, shattered to pieces. Sometimes (not to offend any abused woman out there) I would have rather been physically abused because broken bones, and bruises go away. Every day gets easier, and life is becoming real again. Keep on going.

Answer 2

After being together with my ex husband for 7 years I found out he had BPD and Manic Depressive. It explained a lot. He overdosed and then 3 months later attempted suside. He was placed in a Mental Health Facility for 60 days where he now thinks I was going to kill him not sure how much that place realy helped. The hospital released him without notifiy me and I was in another state but responsibe for him. It has been two years since I have seen him and he isn't getting any help. He thinks his religion will be enough. I can tell when he calls if he is ok or swinging to the other side of the pendelum. I am just greatful I don't have to deal with it anymore. Know you are important and just figure out what it is that makes you happy. It took me a year to find myself so be patient. Take care.

Answer 3

Considering BPD is 3 times as prevalent in women, maybe you should be asking the men? Heck, almost 1-in-10 women have that problem.

Yes, I believe I had a similiar experience once: she interpreted mild annoyance as agression (don't do that sigh....). She came unglued if we were apart more than a few days, etc. She very quickly could change bettween smothering, needy love to hostility and hate, she craved constant re-assurance. I almost forgot the pathological passive-agressive behavior (since they fear rejection so much--very sensitive to when you are in a non-happy mood--they take THAT as rejection--very confusing).

It's very easy to start to think their problems are caused by you because they say so at some point if they aren't trying to hide it. And they are so manipulative, that it's hard to get a proper diagnosis (that and it usually goes hand-in-hand with other disorders).


Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt. Learned something though: not doing that again.

Answer 4

Not a woman, but my ex wife was diagnosed with BPD after she left the marriage (about a year now). She is still in denial about it, but I guess that is one of the things with people who have it. She was always so up and down, blaming everyone for her problems, unhappiness, her job, etc; nothing ever made her complete. At one point I even started to believe that maybe everything she said was my fault, was (anything I said or done was abuse). But after lots of counseling, talking with her psych and finally divorcing and moving on, I realize it is all her. After a year of being seperated from me, her problems still exist and have intesified to the point of self destruction, I'm not there to blame anymore, so who is she going to blame.


Like any divorce your self-esteem will return and you will be happy, just takes time.

Answer 5

Well im the reversal of that I guess. my husband lives with me.I have bpd, and fortunately mine is controlled by my medications.It sounds like your ex used his illness as a sledge hammer against you.Im sorry for that.I think it would do you good to seek some therapy for yourself.The only way you are going to heal is by letting go of the past and being able to look forward to the future.By seeing a therapist, you can get all the hurt and anger out and be able to move on. Good luck to you.

Answer 6

You're not alone. Sometimes medication helps, other times it doesn't. It's difficult, but you have to remind and convince yourself that it's not your fault. You should think about seeing a therapist.

Answer 7

Yes... this might be exactly what I've been living (if you can call it that) for the past 23 years....

Answer 8

i was with my husband five years he was bipolar and was violent at times sweet other times plus he was a alcoholic he was in andout of jail for domestic violence that's why im seprated and considering a divorce