Carreer or motherhood- why is this always offered as a choice?

Question

Just been watching news item on women with children facing discrimination in job market.This is true but why do they always make out that said women"want a career".I have had to work all my life because my poor hard working husband is paid a miserable pittance.I did not have a choice! Who agrees?

Please no one quote WRS or other supplements-we were always a couple of ounds over the deadline!!

Yes Milana - I am asking why they assume we want to work rather than HAVE to work.

Mamabear - do you live in US by any chance.We don't have any of those things - I am talking food and rent, not cars or clothes. In some parts of the UK is still very difficult to survive!!

Answer 1

Me too we cant afford for me to pack it in. These days we have to do the motherhood and the career so we have it twice as hard as women 40 years ago. So much for burning our bras eh? LOL

Answer 2

It can be a choice--if mom and pop don't need to have every materialistic thing that comes out. If they don't need to have two new cars--if they can move into a cheaper place to live. If they don't have to buy the most expensive clothing and furniture available.

My husband and I worked--but around each other's hours--and each at jobs that we could leave at a moment's notice--and near the house. He drove a cab, and I tended bar--there were always replacements available for each of us. We didn't make great salaries--but we did make great tips (which, at that time were not taxable income). We both got out of the house, we both had time with the kids, we both had a lot of flexibility in our hours and days. So, we lived in a rented house, bought used furniture, and many items from second hand stores--but we were happy--and never away from the kids too long.

Answer 3

From a purely finacial stand piont most companies do not like it when thier employees need to leave early, or take dyas off to take of ANY personal business including children. The mother is the most likely to stay home with a sick child or ask for time off to attend parent teacher meetings.
I have a very understanding boss and have an uncommon position in the company, while I have deadlines to meet it does not mean that I need to be in the building at a certain time. My wife runs a daycare and is not able to leave work for anything so I stay home from work or leave work early.
I wish we could live in a world where the dollar was not the primary motivation for most decisions.

Answer 4

Any time you hear or read anything about a choice between career and motherhood, they are absolutely not talking about women with children who had no choice but to work because of financial necessity.. They are talking entirely about the fundamental issue of whether or not a person can, with any kind of reasonable success, give one hundred per cent to two jobs simultaneously, both of which are full time occupations. The accent is on the word "career" as opposed to simply "paid employment" When you use the word "career" you're talking about the kind of job where you have to focus on some specialized training, and then make your way little at a time up the ladder of proficiency and success in that particular field. The professional occupation is not your ordinary 9 to 5, Monday thru Friday, 8 hours a day job. It's a "paid dedication" and the woman who decides to get into one does make a choice to give herself to the task and meet its demands. I contend that you cannot give yourself to that kind of occupation, AND to the vitally important and d emanding job of raising and training new human beings, and expect to give the highly necessary one hundred per cent effort and dedication to both.
Certainly in countries where there is total democracy and legislated equality of the sexes, it's impossible to enact any law that says a woman cannot be, simultaneously, a doctor, lawyer, business executive, etc. etc. AND also choose to become a mother. But that doesn't invalidate the big, fat, perpetual question, ... can she give her full concentration, dedication and effort to both at the same time? I would have to argue that if you cut a pie in two pieces, there is only one way to do so, that gives the exact same amount to both recipients. The maximum piece that each one can expect to get is 50%. If you are a doctor, you are not going to get any rave reviews if the best you can give your patients is 50% of your time and attention. In the s ame way, 50% dedicated parenting doesn't cut it. I had to make a choice. Get married and raise children, or follow my dream to travel. I chose to travel, and I have to say I made the right choice for me.

Answer 5

My husband also barely earns enough to support us. However, I currently stay home because the income I can presently make does not surpase the cost of daycare and the chance for me to raise my child myself.
I feel my son is benefitting from me as his caregiver more than he would benefit from daycare. He has just turned three and he knows, can recognize, and knows the phonetic sound of each letter of the alphabet. My nieces and nephews (I have 12 of them) all went to daycares (all different types and preschools) not one of them knew this info before entering kindergarten. I do not pressure him I just teach him all day long through various games and songs. I am able to do that because I am home. Sure, if I worked we would have a few extra couple hundred dollars a month, but can't that wait a few years until my son (and any future kids we have) are off to school. It is hard and we barely scrape by. Should I really let that compromise the kind of mother I want to be? I don't think so, I feel bad for the mom's (or dad's) in my position that put themselves through hell balancing kids, work, and household responsibilities. I wish that they could find a way (if they wanted) to be home caring for those kids (especially infants). We make a lot of sacrafices and eat a lot of mac-n-cheese, LOL.
I do feel it is because of the mass amounts of mothers working that causes the cost of living to be so high. It didn't used to be this way. Also, I feel as a nation our children are being spoiled, by having everything handed to them in a matter of guilt. Think about all the items, clothes, and toys that you buy for your children that we or our parents never had as children. Everything turns around in one big circle of accomplishment, income and putting our kids on the back burner. The pressure and guilt sometimes gets to me, and I think well maybe because we are "poor" I am failing as a parent. I just have to remind myself it is about what I want and what I want for my kids. Who said humility is a bad trait!

Answer 6

I don't understand what you're saying. Are you saying "How come they assume all women CHOOSE to be working moms, instead of assuming that they are working to make ends meet just like men?" If so, then the answer is: men. Many of them won't come out and say it, but they are VERY approving of women who stay home with the kids, even if that means less money. When we had kids and I returned to work, my husband sulked around here like a wounded puppy, kept asking when I was going to quit. I even found a letter from his MOM telling him that she felt so bad for him because I had returned to work, and that hopefully I would come to my senses. When I finally did quit, every single guy I came in contact with- my boss, my Dad, strangers in the grocery store- voiced their approval. We REALLY could have used the money, too, but that was a non-issue to some.

Answer 7

There are many more in this position now than there used to be, many women would prefer to stay home and raise the children and feel very guilty about leaving their children with minders. But with the cost of everything going up all the time, one wage often isn't enough.

Answer 8

I felt that way before I found Mary Kay. it's a fun way to make money with the flexibility i need. I had to go back to work after having my first and it tore me up. I felt guilty and the worse part is when you stay home with a sick child you feel guilty and when you go to work and leave a sick child you are mad to feel guilty you can't win. I am very fortunate to have both now.

Answer 9

Even if you do work I'm part time no one thinks anymore of you I'm treated like crap at work because in their eyes I chose a family I work with children so how bad is that I actually am there for mothers who do work but disriminated against for it

Answer 10

I think You had a choice-living in poverty, or giving everything You can to raise Your family and feed them as well.
Fear. That`s why. Women evolved. They can read, write, be active.... Men didn`t. They are the same as they were 100 years ago. Same interest, same chances. Women can successfully make it in men home-turf (politics,economics, law, sports.......), but men aren`t as success-full when it comes to family, children, kitchen, communication...... (traditionally female area). So, naturally, they resist any change. Hence, misunderstanding, misjudgment, underestimation etc.