Mother-in-law problems...can anyone give me advice??

Question

I now know that my dear mother-in-law is purposely causing big problems for my family (this includes my mother, our son, us, etc.) This has been taking place since we were dating. She now has a jealousy towards my mother because my mom takes care of our son while I am at work during the week, and she rarely does. It's a long story so I won't get into specifics about everything that is going on, but I really feel that my husband needs to know what his mother is up to. How do I go about confronting him with this? How will I get him to believe me? I know that she will completely deny everything, but he knows that I am not a liar and I would not make this up...and he also knows I won't put up with her sh*t. He is not a momma's boy at all, since he rarely visits his parents, and he only calls them once or twice a week. I don't want to put him against her, but I really feel that he needs to know what she is up to. Hopefully you can give me some words of wisdom.

Thanks!

I am also 6 months pregnant with our second child, so I really want to avoid a big blow out. I also know that there are just going to be more problems with her once our new baby arrives.

Answer 1

I know exactly how you feel.I have been there and had to put of with a lot from my monster in law.So I can relate.The first thing I would do is talk to him.And by talk to him I do mean talk.Don't yell argue or throw up ultimatums at him.Sit him down and explain things to him.Tell him how you feel.I would even make notes highlighting your points.Like Her constant problem causing is going to put a wedge between you two.And that you want to resolve this before something like that happens.Point out that lots of good marriages have gone bad from the excess pressure brought on from meddling in laws.And lest not forget the fact that she is causing you stress which in turn causes your unborn baby stress.Which can lead to a lot of health problems for both you and the baby.Not to mention the fact that to a child their mommy is their world and the stress you are feeling is also being felt by your son.And it is harmful for children to grow up in such an environment.And if he doesn't want to do anything with her.Then and only then should you offer up the ultimatums.If he doesn't take you seriously go stay at you parents for a few days to give him a taste of things to come if he doesn't put his mother in check.Good luck!

Answer 2

I would not "have a talk" with him. Personally I would wait for a prime opportunity [she does something or you bring something up with him about her - gently] and then I would ask him what he thinks of it. Tell him your tired and ask him what can be done about it.
You don't want a fight or to pick on her since it is his mom and he does love her - even if he is not a mamas boy. You want to be considerate of his feelings . Let him handle it :) The point is gently made, his feelings are not hurt and it gets taken care of :) It works!
Good luck and congratulations on your baby!!

Answer 3

I've had somewhat the same problem. My husband speaks to his mother every week and gets him to believe whatever she tells him. Your best bet is to have a small tape recorder ready, either by the phone, or in your purse, and prove what they are saying. I did talk to my husband about our issues, and he didn't want to believe me until he started hearing things for himself. Most men are very protective of their mothers.

Answer 4

don't confront anybody. Talk about it with him in a very mellow way and let him know how you feel without pointing fingers at anyone.