Can you cheat on your spouse for five months and NOT have feeling for the person you are heating with? My hubby told me he had NO feelings for the other woman, that it was just sex. We were away from one another geographically for 8.5 months due to job reasons. Been married 12 yrs. Can men really do that?
2007-02-28 05:54:17 · 17 answers · asked by hurtand still in love 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In most cases, men do not develop feelings for his mistress during an affair no matter how long it lasts. The fact is, most men cheat for sex, and sex alone. And if their lady on the side knows her new lover is married, men tend to look down on that and completely disregard a serious relationship with her, thus, extinguishing the possibility of any feelings other than lust. Only in rare cases are there any other factors involved. That being said, if your husband says this other woman meant nothing to him, he's probably telling the truth.
I'm going to throw some percentages at you so stay with me because I think this will really help you out here. An interesting fact to note about this is that about 75% of women that have unfaithful husbands take them back and the vast majority of THOSE couples, end up having sustained, healthy relationships. However when women have the affair, they only return to their husbands around 15% of the time. The reason for this gap is simple...about 90% of women DON'T cheat for sex. We all know that most of the time women cheat for emotional reasons like understanding, compassion, willingness to listen, the list goes on and on. The point is, when a woman has an extra marital affair it's for reasons that mean a lot more to them than sex does to men...and women know this (which is why they take their husbands back most of the time).
The amazing thing is that all the percentages I threw at you are almost identical with my own pool of clients.
The bottom line here is that there's no way to know for certain one way or the other. Statistics show that he probably doesn't and the same holds true with my own married couples. Add to that the fact that he's TOLD you that he doesn't have feelings for this woman, he may actually be telling the truth (You do, however, have very good reason NOT to believe him...as he did commit infidelity which requires being dishonest on some level).
But tread carefully and take steps to insure this doesn't happen again. Don't get me wrong, I don't want you to go through his wallet every single day or require him to submit a pubic hair for DNA testing but you need to "put him through his paces" and make him prove not only his love for you, but to earn your trust as well.
Good luck and remember when men say it's just sex, most of the time, they're being honest with you.
2007-02-28 06:27:03 · answer #1 · answered by Eddie 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't take it personally. Men can get turned on by looking at a picture. That's why "Playboy" has survived all these years. MEN ARE SHALLOW. I am one, I know.
You should be upset that he cheated on you, not about his feelings for the other woman. If I were a woman, it would be a long time before he touched me again. And then only after a medical exam.
2007-02-28 14:05:13 · answer #2 · answered by convoiceofreason 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am not sure why he felt he had to cheat on you while you were in different locations, at all really. If he was after sex, there's a thing called masturbation...he should take care of himself in his own room and not look to anybody else to do that with other than you, his wife.
I don't know how much I would believe that he could have no feelings for her if he had been seeing her for a few months...but who knows, maybe that's all it is...sex. When he's hot it's like seeing a prostitute, I dunno... The choice is up to you really what you believe.
2007-02-28 14:02:11 · answer #3 · answered by jessicadiamond_4einc 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a man but I'm pretty sure they can have relationships based soley on sex with no emotional attachments.
Are you willing to be with a guy who would rather cheat on his wife than go without sex? I wouldn't put up with it. There is no excuse for it. Guys CAN and DO go without sex for longer periods of time. I'm not saying it's easy but it's done all the time.
The fact that he had no feelings for her doesn't change the fact that he was intimate with someone else. Was he honest while he was doing it? If not, think about spending the rest of your life with someone who can lie to you. It's not an easy life.
2007-02-28 14:01:21 · answer #4 · answered by katydid 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if your husband was sleeping with another woman for five months then turned around an told u it was just sex,duh yeah right he had some type of feelings for this lady,no matter if u were apart do to job reasons,cheating is cheating no matter how u try to clean it up. he had to really like havin sex with her ,he did it for five months,that's your answer right there!!!!!
2007-02-28 14:03:15 · answer #5 · answered by ladyowenslmg_06 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband has some sort of feelings for this woman. He could have easily hit and quit the first time around. What was he reason for keeping her around for 5 months (come on). It's not just sex believe me it's not over.
2007-02-28 14:07:53 · answer #6 · answered by whocarez 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Depends on how you define "feelings". He had sex with THAT particular person, not with a bum begging on the street - obviously there was SOMETHING that attracted him to her, and influenced his decision. When he says he didn't have "feelings" he might mean that he wasn't deeply in love with her, and had no intention of being with her long-term - and it makes sense. But the feelings of interest in this particular person were certainly there. Interpret it as you wish.
2007-02-28 14:05:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
some men can, my first ex use to do that, and i am sure it was just about sex, with men they don't really have to love someone to have sex like women do. but my first ex had seen this his whole life from his dad, i think it is quite possible. but don't focus on her, he is back with u now, focus on the marriage, don't dignify what this woman did to u, or the feelings he may or may not have had for her, as if u do u will drive yourself crazy. your doing just what she wants u to do, focusing on her, and not your man.
2007-02-28 14:01:38 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
PERSONALLY, I'VE NEVER CHEATED THAT LONG WITH SOMEONE AND NOT HAD FEELINGS FOR THAT PERSON, BUT I'M A WOMAN.
2007-02-28 14:14:23 · answer #9 · answered by sweetbabykitty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes i think he could do that because he is a dude and guys don't get attached easily as a women.so may be it could just be sex and nothing else.
2007-02-28 14:05:30 · answer #10 · answered by bye bye!! 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋