I made the fatal mistake of allowing another woman into my marriage w/my husband. I started to feel pushed out & forgotten so I ended the relationship. My husband has recently confessed that he is in love w/this other woman. I dont want to lose my husband. He has agreed to stick it out w/me til August. We are starting counseling this weekend. We have 2 small children to raise together. How can I keep him around? How can I show him that I can change & be the wife that he needs & wants? Please help! This is tearing me apart!
2007-02-28 05:51:04 · 13 answers · asked by leashell 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In August our lease is up on our house & we can either A.) move on seperately or B.) buy a house together.
Secondly, the woman was brought into our marriage to, heck I really dont know anymore. I guess it was a fantasy that we both had that spun out of control.
2007-02-28 08:00:32 · update #1
Counseling is a good place to start. Also, I'd make certain that communication with the other woman was completely and totally out of the question. You can not make it work if he see her, speaks to her or has any contact whatsoever with her. If he passes her on the street, he needs to cross the street and walk down the other sidewalk.
What I'm about to suggest may not sound like your cup of tea. I'll tell you that six years ago I didn't think highly of it either. But, going to church can make a big impact. It saved my marriage. Being around other men and being able to see that I'm not the only one who has to work at making my marriage viable helped. Along the way I accepted Christ. And that is when my marriage was truly saved.
I question whether he really loves this other woman or if he's been blinded by sex. Sometimes when the grass is greener on the other side it's because the septic tank is leaking.
2007-02-28 05:57:51 · answer #1 · answered by penhead72 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
okay... He said that he made this commitment to stay with you until August. THAT IS BS, Why August? Is that when something big is going to happen or? I am sorry hun, but no husband should tell his wife this. You had every right to kick the other woman out, and personally if your husband loved you the way that he should being married to you he should have been okay with your decision and respected you, not told you he loved her, since I am assuming it was mostly physical relationship you had with this woman.
There is nothing you can do, he should love you for who you are not what you can change to be. You SHOULD never change for someone else, only for yourself and you might think you are changing for yourself but what he wants is to have sex with other women, you are married, that is NOT okay. He needs to want to stay around and want to be with you. I know you have two kids, but trust me if he treats you this way then you can do better. It is hard and I am not saying don't try, and yay for going to counseling but he has to want to change too, it is a two way street and you can't just sit back and continue to change who you are because you want him to stay around. What I would do is start to store money for you and the kids once he leaves. You will need to be able to support yourself if you don't already work and as sad as that is you have to think about your kids and what is going to happen when he leaves in August, which might not happen but he has already said that he is gone, so while I don't think counseling is going to help because he doesn't want to change, it might and I hope it does for you.
2007-02-28 13:58:27 · answer #2 · answered by Hawaiisweetie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what to tell you. There are a lot of questions that come to mind. What was going on with you that you allowed another woman into your marriage? What was going on with him that he would step out side of your marriage and have another relationship? If he is in love with this other woman is he still seeing her?
I hope you two are being honest with each other and taking counseling seriously. If you not you are just going to create more pain for your entire family.
2007-02-28 14:01:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not clear on allowing another woman into your marriage...a threesome or a home worker??? If it is the same...then you brought it onto yourself and your marriage...I think if he already told you he loves her...its over...kids or no kids, his heart will not change...
If she was a worker...and he got involved with her, then he needs to go..as he made the fatal mistake...NO ONE can change...we can change for a very short time and then...back to normal....its not fair to anyone...pick up and the pieces, save the money and start your life...
2007-02-28 13:59:10 · answer #4 · answered by Ariana 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, this is a hard situation, if he loves someone else there is not much that you can do about it. All you can do is hope and pray that counseling helps. He needs to weigh is pros and cons of ending this marriage. Good Luck.
2007-02-28 13:55:20 · answer #5 · answered by Backwoods Barbie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing you can do that will 'trap' him.
You can learn to communicate well, take the therapy seriously, be open about what you want, and encourage him to be open about what he wants.
You can work together to regain intimacy (physical and non physical). Get to know him better, don't just think about keeping him.
In short, you can do what all of us should always be doing in our marriages, but perhaps become complacent and don't bother with.
After that, what happens happens, and is beyond your control.
2007-02-28 16:53:03 · answer #6 · answered by kheserthorpe 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"stick it out"? What happens in August?
If the guy is so led by his **** that he'd trash the relationship, and put his kids' happiness at risk, better to let him go than be desperate. Even if you "change" which is a bad idea, it will never be good enough. If being yourself is not good enough for him, your changing in desperation will never stick.
2007-02-28 13:57:58 · answer #7 · answered by justbeingher 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
And why do you need to change , pray tell? What have you done ? He's married with two children and he forgot about his responsibilites and the sacred vows he took. And you want to change to keep a man like that?
2007-02-28 14:09:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
IM LOST!!! YOU let ANOTHER woman into your marriage with your husband????? WHY DID YOU DO THAT!!! Dont do that crap again.While in counseling you should relate this feelings you have to your husband you two NEED to talk. DIVORCE ISNT AN OPTION. I think your husband is just LUSTING after the other woman he IS NOT in love with her. YOU TWO HAVE TWO SMALL CHILDREN TO RAISE!! Think about the children.
2007-02-28 13:55:55 · answer #9 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You can remind him that he promised to stay with you forever and it doesn't matter that he fell in love with another woman. He has to let her go.
You cannot change for him. You can only change for yourself. Wanting to change for him because he doesn't like you the way you are isn't a good enough (or healthy) motivator.
2007-02-28 13:57:13 · answer #10 · answered by Martin Pedersen 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋