My girlfriend and I have a two month old baby. Since then we haven't been intimate at all. She finds it weird to have sex when the baby is in the room and also if the baby cries during us doing things she said it would just be pointless considering a baby needs so much attention. The other problem is, she doesn't want to hire a babysitter each time we want to make love because she feels as though she is paying money to get rid of her kid just so she can make me happy. Which makes me seem like I want to get rid of the kid. Then she calls me jealous because of attention to the baby and not me. That's not the case, I just need to make love to the one I love. That's why we had a kid, I didn't want to sleep with another girl, and now I can't sleep with her either. It's not the only thing in a relationshol, no, but eventually it is nessecary on occasion. Also, idk if this helps, but my girlfriend never really enjoyed sex ever anyways. More pain than pleasure for her cuz she's a small girl.
2007-02-28 05:28:16 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
OK DADDY...WAKE UP CALL...
First of all...She just had a baby....if the kid is two months old...it means your poor girlfriend probably hasn't slept in 4 to 5 months...you don't sleep the last few months of prenancy...at least I didn't..
Second of all...do you want to know what IS NOT ATTRACTIVE...a whining man that just wants to get his rocks off.
Do you want to know what IS ATTRACTIVE? A man that changes diapers, does the dishes, helps with the laundry and babysits the baby so that momma can have a nice hot bath...
Do you know what is DOWN RIGHT SEXY??? A man that can do all that with a happy face without throwing a temper tantrum or throwing attitude....THAT makes me hot.
Third of all...If you know she doesn't enjoy sex...maybe sex needs to be more about the both of you and not JUST YOU...cause if it's just about you...you can just go do it your self and leave her out of it...lol...Maybe if you guys focus on things that BOTH OF YOU will enjoy...she may be more into it.
Fourth of all...IT is perfectly normal for a new mothers sex drive to be way less than normal right after having a child. You're exhausted, you have throw up in your hair, if you have a baby boy...you've probably been peed on...you haven't sat down to eat a real meal in god knows how long and you probably haven't had a shower in days...the last thing you want to think about ...is the very act that got you here...not to mention you arent' feeling very sexy yourself...and your body is still all flabby and weird still since you were still pregnant ...like a minute ago...
So long story short...DAD STOP WHINING and give her a break.
HELP HER and she may "help" you right back... **wink wink**
2007-02-28 05:54:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think she's being fair to you at all...but I also don't think she realizes that.
Being a new mom is SO stressful in so many ways. Please understand that or at least try to. I'm sure there are a million reasons and scenarios going through her mind when you bring up sex. And although I do understand her concerns, I also think she should be considering YOUR needs as well.
Let her know that it's not just SEX you want, but that you miss the intimacy of just having her near you, next to your body. And maybe you could start out slower...like just cuddling a few times, then maybe add some foreplay the next few times, etc, until you're both ready for sex.
And her being "small" has nothing to do with her not liking sex. It bothers me when people use that excuse. *I* am barely 5'3" and have a very petite frame/body structure, and I have always LOVED sex. I'll admit that being with a man who is rather largely endowed can be uncomfortable at first, but that's why you experiment with different positions to find which feels best.
If she's having PAIN during sex, it could mean something more serious and she should definitely mention that to her doctor. She could have cysts, among a number of other medical issues.
Give it some time...some women are also very self-concious after having a baby. And she's right that a baby needs way more attention. After I had my daughter, I couldn't wait to have sex again, but one thing that puts a damper on it is when the baby starts to cry. =/ But we still managed to find time to enjoy each other and give each other the attention and love we both craved.
Just let her know you're willing to do whatever it takes to make her feel comfortable and don't pressure her or whine about not getting any sex.
I really hope things work out for you guys and that you get some! =P Good Luck...and I hope I helped even a little.
2007-02-28 05:46:08 · answer #2 · answered by Megan V 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's a hard situation! I would say that if she didn't enjoy sex to begin with it's apparent that she has never really been pleasured. You need to find ways to give her attention and then you will get what you want! The baby needs to be in another room if it bothers you, get a moniter if it worries her so much. Life changes drastically when a baby is born, but you need to be intimate to keep your relationship on the good side. Tell her you miss being with her, you love your child but also need to love her as well! Good luck!
2007-02-28 05:43:11 · answer #3 · answered by Elle3 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
At 2 months old, it's ok to leave a baby playing on her own - either in a crib or in her playmat for a little while she's awake. Is there another room you can put the baby in while she's playing or sleeping w/ a baby monitor? Or maybe she's just using the baby thing as an excuse? You guys maybe can compromise on when to have sex - relationships are give and take.
2007-02-28 05:39:16 · answer #4 · answered by SB 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give your girlfriend some time to adjust to this new life. I was the same way with not wanting to have sex not because of the baby but because of the pain. We don't want to have sex after we've pushed a baby out of out body. I didn't have sex with my boyfriend until 4 months after our daughter was born. I had an episiotomy so it took me a while to heal. I am not sure if you were there with her in the delivery room but they put a catheter in our pee hole and that too is pain itself after birth. The last thing on my mind is sex. All I want to do is rest, sleep and be pampered. Give her time she'll appreciate you later and communicate about what you guys are going through. My boyfriend and I fought alot about it and it almost broke us up. You guys have to understand that our body just went through some truama so let us heal first, then romance us and treat us like a beautiful woman again then you will get what you want. don't push the issue or you will push her away.
2007-03-02 18:31:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you leave the baby with a family member/close friend for a night, and take your girlfriend out for a romantic evening. Take her to a nice dinner, maybe dancing, movies, whatever, then you should decorate the house with candles rose pedals etc, and give her a massage, make her seem appreaciated I know there are A LOT of women who dont like sex, so dont think it's you, just some women dont get orasms dont worry about that. (I'm one of those women who dont get orgasms, but my sweetie found a way to give me pleasure and now I am always willing to have sex) Just look up some tips on how you can give her pleasure and such. THen maybe that will help.... Hope i even helped. Goodluck
2007-02-28 05:56:39 · answer #6 · answered by mrs.russell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes a woman sex drive is shot after having a baby. It can take several months for her hormones to regulate.
A woman who has just had a baby, her only concern at the time is taking care of her newborn. It's instincual.
I can't blame her for not wanting to have sex in front of the baby, I can't even with my dog in the same room!
Cut her alittle slack right now, but there is no reason why when the baby is sleeping you can't set up the monitor and go to another room.
Also, invest in a pacifier for when the baby gets fussy, sometimes it puts them right back to sleep.
Good Luck and don't get discouraged yet!
2007-02-28 05:56:25 · answer #7 · answered by qpook 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well, maybe give her a little more attention. at night give her a massage, something along those lines. cook her dinner, candles. all that. woman LOVE the romance thing, might help get her in the mood!! plus she might still be sore because the baby is only 2 months old. sometimes it takes awhile to get back to normal. i would NEVER have sex with my lil ones in the room, even at a few weeks old. why not move the baby into another room??? or try having sex in another room? lol my husband and i both have very very high sex drives, and its fun and exciting to spice things up. try the kitchen, living room, the shower/bath??? just try to give her attention, and then she might give it back to you!! i think that sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship, but it is needed to have a long lasting healthy one.. in my opnion though. if she never enjoyed sex to begin with, try pleasuring her first, if you know what i'm saying, besides sex. then work up to that. i'm a small girl, but LOVE sex, so not sure if thats all true either.... esp since my husband is very well endowed in that area lol just be sure to make her feel wanted then work up to it. might take a little while, but takes effort.
2007-02-28 05:43:26 · answer #8 · answered by ricleigh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The baby should be starting to settle down, and both of you should be able to identify what the baby's needs are. You also have to remember she may be tired. Going up several times a night for feedings and diaper changing is very tiring.
Schedule a date with her. Cook her favorite meal but if you can't cook, buy her favorite take out. Just "wine her and dine her" as the old saying goes. When she puts the baby down, you know how much time there is before the little one wakes up again. This is the time for your girlfriend to relax.
2007-02-28 06:06:41 · answer #9 · answered by HAH 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OH BOY! Do I know how SHE feels (and you, in a roundabout way, as my hubby is like you and we've talked a LOT).
First, for the pain.....lubricate, lubricate, lubricate! (and stop blushing hehe)....And realize that the longer it lasts, the more likely it will be that you will lose lubrication. This does not mean that it's not fun if it goes a while, but pain is REALLY not fun, so, though you're enjoying it, ask her to be HONEST about if it's nice, or turning painful. That way you can either re-lubricate, or you can hurry up and finish.
Now second. I don't know if you co-sleep (baby in the bed) or if the baby has its' on crib. We co-slept. But it also was a WHILE before we were able to be intimate again (and we're not back to where we were yet, either, as our 2 yr old sleeps in her own bed in OUR room still, but we're working on that). You might have to wait until the baby is asleep, put the baby on the bed/crib, and use the couch. This gets easier once the baby is able to move around on its own, as you can put it in a playpen and have it be near, but not in the same room. Remember, she thinks of the baby as another person, and to HER, it's like having YOUR mom in the room with you when getting intimate. Not something that tops most peoples' lists. *grin*
Finally, remember that her hormone levels are WAY down. AND she doesn't feel attractive. Pregnancy and motherhood makes women so beautiful in the eyes of the fathers of the child, yet most women still don't feel as beautiful, sexy, fun, etc as they did BEFORE the child. AND she's EXHAUSTED. Not to say you aren't, but she IS. Sex is relaxing for most men (they relax BY being intimate), whereas for many women, they have to be relaxed BEFORE getting intimate. Try helping out a LOT around the house (cleaning or making food, or something equally helpful), telling her she is beautiful WITHOUT expecting to be intimate, and doing things to help her relax (like a massage without expecting to be intimate, letting her have time for a nap while you watch the child and clean up the house, going for a walk with her - exercise makes you feel healthier! - giving her time for a shower/bath BY HERSELF every day, etc). This will make her feel more like being intimate because she'll be relaxed and realize that SHE doesn't have to be doing it all. She can feel like a woman for a while without ALSO confusing the mom and wife obligations at the same time. And don't forget to COMMUNICATE! This helps more than you'll know, even if it's just about normal everyday things.
2007-02-28 05:53:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋