Im 21 yrs old and I have a b/f that is 19 years older than me. @ 1st it was wonderful. We have been 2gether for only 8 mos., and I got pregnant when we were 2gether for only 3 mos. We talked about pregnancy but didnt think it would happen so soon. When we first got together he told me he was in the middle of a divorce, 5 mos. later hes still married. I have a feeling he isnt getting a divorce, and if he does it wont be until a long time from now.As soon as I got pregnant everything changed. I moved in with him. We dont get along at all. Partly because the way he treats me. He has a 15 yr. old son who in his mind does nothing wrong, he is on a tether (Mispelled), and home arrest. He leaves when he wants, even when his Dad is home, and he doesnt punish him at all. His son leaves behind messes I have to clean up, or my bofriend and I argue. He hasnt told a soul that Im pregnant. I feel like hes ashamed of this unborn baby. He hasnt even bought anything yet.
What should I do?
2007-02-28 05:14:58 · 17 answers · asked by FutureMrsBeck 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I have no family members that will support me. Unfortunatly I am in a bad situtaion cuz I totalled my car and lost my job 2 weeks ago because of it. I WANT to get out but I cant. I have nothing to do so. Thats why Im so afraid.
2007-02-28 05:44:44 · update #1
He has been separated for two years now, and he told me he was in the middle of a divorce. I didnt think their was anything wrong with being with him because of what he told me. So to you people who are going to judge me instead of giving me an answer, go screw yourself, no ones perfect and you defentely arent better than me.
2007-02-28 06:51:19 · update #2
I want to cry for you... Do you have supportive parents? What are they telling you? What are your friends telling you?
Just because you are carrying this man's child doesn't mean that you are completely bound to him (living with him, cleaning up after his son, putting up with the shameful feelings that he makes you feel, all the fighting, etc). Yes, you are bound to him in that he is the biological father of your child, but legally that just leaves him with the responsibility to pay child support.
Take a step back from your situation. Try to look at it from an outsider's perspective. What do you see? I see the possiblity of this man NOT being the best role model/father for your child. I see the possiblity of this man NOT being the best husband for you that will treat you right and make you feel good (and yes, there ARE men out there that WILL treat you right...you just need to give it time...) You SHOULDN'T do this pregnancy and child rearing on your own. BUT... it does not have to be this man that supports you... I hope that you have a close friend or family member to lean on.
If I were your friend, and I saw what you were describing, I'd strongly urge you to get out of that house, move in with a supportive friend or family memeber...or find a safe apartment that you can afford.
And, I wanted to add (after reading another's post) that God is not punishing you. God might be teaching you a life lesson. God may be patiently waiting for you to turn to Him for His help. But, He is NOT punishing you. God loves us. He knows that we are NOT perfect. And that is why he sent His only child to die for us on the cross. Don't ever think that God is out to get you.
2007-02-28 05:28:55 · answer #1 · answered by Sylves 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Divorce can take a long long time! I have been in the middle of one for almost a year and it will be a year and a couple of months when all is said and done, and that is only if he doesnt find another way to continue to drag it out, which is what he keeps doing! I've heard it sometimes taking up to 5 years if the parties cannot agree. I am pregnant with my boyfriend after only being together a couple of months and I did not tell anyone for a good long time either, because it was all sort of embarrasing still being legally being married to that other person and having gotten pregnant so quickly with my boyfriend, it was all a shock and a lot to deal with. I would say by now he needs to start telling people though, it would concern me a bit since it looks like you are 5 months along or so. You still have some time to go, I wouldnt let it bother you too much that he hasnt bought anything yet, I havent either as I just want to wait until we get a little closer. (I am about 5months) I sort of know how helpless you might be feeling, my ex stole my car a couple of months ago and as a result I lost my job, and the police wouldnt do anything about it as we are still "legally married" what a joke! It sort of stinks because employers dont love to hire the pregnant women. The son sounds like a problem that you'll have to get used to unfortunately, once you have your baby you will more understand the love that your boyfriend feels for him, a parents love is unconditional no matter what the child may be doing or not doing, try not to get too upset about that, and as far as his age, its to be expected from a boy that age to be extremely messy unfortunately. I'm sorry you feel you have to clean up after him, maybe try to talk to him, let him know that you are prego and wouldnt mind some help with stuff like that. Try not to worry too much, I hope your relationship works out for you in the end, but dont stick with this man if he is treating you badly, you are still so young, even with a baby you can find someone better if it comes to it. Good luck to you
2007-02-28 12:18:09 · answer #2 · answered by alexandria1_1999 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hunni, I'm sure others have told you this before, but this is not a good man for your or your future child! I'm not just saying that to be mean, but I've seen it firsthand. My father often had affairs and during his 25 year marriage, not once did he EVER leave my mother. My future father in law is the same way. He has been married for close to 30 years and about 6 years ago, fathered a child with another woman. While he financially supports this other child and visits this other family ocassionally, he does NOT plan on ever leaving his current wife or abandoning the family he began 27 years ago.
I think that, by how your boyfriend has been postpoing the divorce and how he doesn't care that his own son disrespects you, he is clearly showing you how little you mean to him. It is unfortunate that your child will grow up feeling the same way you do now. He has been leading you on for several years now, and since you now have not only yourself but your child to think of now, I suggest that you leave him immediately! You are still young and there's so much more you can do with your life. Do what is best for your child. He/she does not need an indecisive father who won't even acknowledge him. Please leave your relationship immediately!
2007-02-28 05:33:05 · answer #3 · answered by keonli 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My impression is he got you pregnant to trap you. Now the real person is coming out now that you have a bun in the oven. This is an common problem in relationship is why we take our time before a real commitment is made like having a baby. For this you will have to take responsibility.
Look at his relationship with his current son and ask yourself is this what your want for your children. Just remember while you are weighing the issues your are one of the variables as the mother. I will tell you this the way he treats his son is an indication of how he will treat you. He may have had you to move with him for greater control.
I say get out while you can. As long as he is still married it weakens his position to control you. Unfortunately you are now among the ranks of single mothers and have to face raising the child alone. That is still be far better than having an idiot complicate your life by trying to make you into a domestic slave.
2007-02-28 05:35:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
#1 except the blame for not listening to your better judgment in getting involved with a married man.
#2. Get out now!
#3. So the man can not try and get sole custody of your baby, you need to get a job, keep it and provide a home for you and the baby. No judge is going to rule against a mother who is doing her best to support her child
#4. SUE the lousy user for child support. He will have rights to see the child most likely, so he needs to be supporting his child.
He basically used you for Fun Time. A baby means HIS fun time is over and he doesn't sound too concerned about you except that you make a great house maid in cleaning up after his son.
You already know these things and are seeking validation. You have it, so leave this man before things get worse - and they will get worse based on the present course of things.
2007-02-28 05:29:38 · answer #5 · answered by Victor ious 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow. i'm sorry that you have to go through this! it is a hard thing to go through, especially when you need the support and love right now that you deserve. however; because of his son, and the fact that he's still married, and was when he was with you, i do think that you should move on. i know its hard with him being the father of your unborn baby, but it sounds like it is too much right now. you don't beed to be stressed out, and its definitely not good for that baby, before or after the birth. if he treats you this bad, its not worth it. his son will cause problems, and seems like he isn't exact the best influence that you want your child to be around. and if you try to tell him what to do with his son, it will make things worse. he does need to punish him, but he won't..... my dads like that with my little 14 year old sister. she's HORRIBLE!!! been on probation already when she was 13... plus he was married when you two got together!!! i'm sorry but i hate guys like that, or woman for that matter, that do that while married. plus he still is. hes not even divorced, which sorry to say, but what makes you think you will be different? i strongly believe ''once a cheater always a cheater''!!
maybe bring this up to him, i know it will suck and be hard to do, but maybe if you bring it up, he will get better. if he doesn't then i say move on, you deserve better than that!!!
2007-02-28 05:27:43 · answer #6 · answered by ricleigh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LEAVE!!! If he is still married and you all have been together for 8 months now.Then he's gonna stay married. He doesn't care about you or your unborn child.So I hope you have supportive family and friends.If he cared for you or that child any he would be telling people about you and the baby. He would be out buying stuff and getting ready for the baby.Even if he don't care he SHOULD still be getting stuff for the baby.Your 21 years old. you have a life a head of you go live it with out him.
God Bless you and your unborn child.
2007-02-28 05:41:07 · answer #7 · answered by the_only_one_for_chris_2003 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not a healthy relationship, and you seem very aware of that - obviously leaving him should be in your game plan - that's the no-brainer.
The hard decision is going to be how to best care for this little child growing inside you. Now is the time to educate yourself and gather as much info as you can on your options - single motherhood? If so what's the best sort of child care? Family participation? if so who? and how? Adoption? If so closed or open?
You got to be strong for your little one now, and find what's best for him/her. Good luck.
...just read you're additional details - yes you can get out - seek out your local women's shelter or single mother pregnancy homes for help.
2007-02-28 05:33:29 · answer #8 · answered by daisyk 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your way to young to be in a situation like this. If he is treating you badly now even while your pregnant, things are not going to get any better. Especially since he is so much older than you. I would move out and let him figure out what he wants to do about the relationship. Sorry to be mean, but your probably his hot young rebound girl.
2007-02-28 05:23:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get a place of your own and become self sufficient before the baby is born. That would be the best thing for you. Things will only get tougher after the baby is born. You have to think for yourself and your baby now. A safe, loving environment is needed to bring up a child and I don't see that with your boyfriend.
2007-02-28 05:22:14 · answer #10 · answered by Stareyes 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋