What do you think of my Poem, "Nebraska Winter"?

Question

The first bite of cold, scratches against your face,

The trees shutter, knowing their leaves are soon to fall.

Football fans cheer, breaking the silence of a frost covered field.

Children rush into schoolhouses, escaping the reach of the winter’s chill.

Hunters grow anxious, anticipation the thrill of the season’s first hunt.

Mothers smile, knowing the family will soon be together.

The days become brief and the nights grow long.

And life trudges on, to a new year of Nebraska Hopes and Nebraska Dreams

Answer 1

If you want just a compliment, you won't get that from this English teacher. Instead, you will get more than one with your excellent use of parellelism and personification. I like how you inferred the meanfulness of cold with saying it bites and scratches. I also like how you started talking about winter as if it is something awful and frightful then you cleverly discussed what people do. Your comparison between the cold and life really hit home as you mention a new year and hopes and dreams. Winter, though sometimes bitter, does not last. Just as the troubles of life do not last. We know as we face each winter, each challenge in life, that we have hopes and dreams to look forward to. Winter, like trials of life, is just a season that comes and goes.

Please let me know if I am analyzing your poem correctly. You may email me. I just want to say that this is a very beautiful poem and it has lots of literary devices, symbolism, and creativity.

Answer 2

It's more Hallmark-ish than anything. What I mean by that is Hallmark is known for standard cliche's and tired, everyday sentiments.

There is nothing wrong with that, per se, since every poet starts off writting in the shadow of poets past. But, a poem isn't necessarily just a catalog of events, although it could be. A poet, for instance, doesn't just hold a snowflake in their hands, they use it as a window/mirror to see something else. What is it that the reader is supposed to be seeing in the poem? Why isn't it Chicago Winter or Dubuque Winter or Colorado Winter?

Think about the difference between the lines "How do I love thee, let me count the ways/I love thee to the depth and breadth and height ..." and "Roses are red, violets are blue, everything is great because I love you." They are both examples of poetry, of what poetry is capable of, and both are fundamentally expressing the same sentiment, but which one engages the reader on a deeper, more convincing level?

Poetry is as much about the poet's arguement for or against something. And, like any arguement, the better you present your case, the more likely the reader will come away with the impression you are trying to make. That means an attention to detail, to the poet's unique perspective. Using cliche's says to the reader that you have no original opinion of your own. A reader doesn't want to read what many other people have said, they want to read about what YOU have/want to say.

"The first bite of cold scratches against your face" is something you got from someone else. What is the cold really like to you; is it like the lash of an angry parent, is it like an invisible tiger of ice brushing past you, the hard crystalline fur causing the scratches, or could it be like a very angry housecat who pounces on you once you step outside, its icicle paws leaving a reminder on your face that you are not welcome? I could go through every line with the same question.

Poetry is about uniqueness, about one person's desire to say something individual, the same way a singer gets up on stage and sings, not because they want to be Bob Dylan or Clay Aiken (Bob Dylan and Clay Aiken do well enough on their own, thank you very much) but because they want the audience to hear their voice. The fact that you are writing poetry means that you feel that you do have, somewhere inside of you, a voice, something unique that only you can say. Say that in your poems and you will do well.

Answer 3

As a fellow Nebraskan, you've pretty much captured how it is here! Great poem and keep up the good work!!

Answer 4

That's a pretty cool poem. Good Job!!!

Answer 5

I think it's good, but the trees should shiver, not shutter.

Answer 6

Its good -