im only in 15 so this question will seem trivial to many of you, but to me its a great concern so please try to be sensitive to the issue.
i have two best friends. a boy and a girl. i had a relationship with the boy, but then we broke up(i know, it was a stupid thing to do)we arent together because we cant stop arguing (among other stuff) but i cant stop thinking about him and i know he feels the same about me, but it wont work and we both know that. i think that we just need to spend time apart. i guess the problem is that we cant move on because of the other friend. it wouldnt be fair to let her choose and neither of us want to lose her. she is both of our best friends. i've known her for longer but no matter what our feud is i dont want to be so mean as to force him to just go away. its a very delicate issue and i dont want anyone to get hurt any more. to top it all she doesnt know about us so we wouldnt even know how to explain the situation. what do you think we should do?
2007-02-28 04:48:28 · 14 answers · asked by chatterbox15 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Hi, is there a reason why you have not told her? I am wondering why you have kept your relationship and secret. Anyhow, I think that she will be quiet upset about the deceitfulness, but if she is a good friend,she will understand and forgive you both. You should tell her the truth and say how much you still want to be in her life and to remain friends, but because of this "situation" you will have to hang out independently from each other. She is your friend and that deserves some level of respect for her and her feelings. Bite the bullet and tell her. Besides I'm not convinced that its over between you and this guy. Lots of luck to you.
2007-02-28 05:06:05 · answer #1 · answered by ambertottie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I don't thnk that you HATE your friend. I think that you hate the situation you are in with him.
Who ever is closer to her needs to to be the one to explain to the female friend about you and the male friend. Tell her that you were together and that you had a lot of problems.
Explain that it is uncomfortable for you two to be around each-other and that you don't want to make her choose (and don't be mad at her for being around the other guy).
If she can not handle the truth that you were together, or if she refuses friendship to either one of you due to the hidden relationship, then that will define whether or not she is a true friend. TRUE friendship can last no matter what. BUT no one should have a one sided friendship. So after she finds out, if you are the only one trying for the conversations and the outings and such, then you need to be the bigger woman and walk away from it; because there are a lot of people that you can have for friends in your life, I know at your age, friends are everything. But you knew the risks of hiding a relationship from her so now you have to deal with that.
Good luck to you and I hope that you can work it out. Maybe even with the guy, knowing that something won't work, and trying anyway is devotion, and you seem like you have that, if he does too...then the best may be yet to come.
2007-02-28 05:08:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! That is very complicated. I can see that it is a very sensitive issue.
You weren't stupid to have a relationship - it's natural, if there is an attraction. I think that sexual attraction can make any friendship much more complicated, as you have discovered.
I know its difficult but I think you could try to be as honest as possible with your friend who is a girl. She will be madder with you if she finds out and you haven't told her!!
If possible, I think you're right to take a short break from seeing your other friend - and the good news is that often, it can turn out that you can be friends again in a while.
Hope it all goes well.
2007-02-28 04:54:34 · answer #3 · answered by Suzita 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
honey...your still very young and this lad will not be the first or the last boyfriend you will ever have, there's a whole lifetime out there for you, concentrate on your studies and put boys to one side for now.....just say your goodbyes in a nice way, stay friends with him, your friend is stuck between a rock and a hard place right now...she can still be friends with both of you by seeing you on separate days, thing is, are you prepared to share her every other day....this could get dodgy, but it's her decision and only she can decide what she wants to do...if she loves you both then she will still remain friends, so don't worry too much....as for the boyfriend, say goodbye and don't let him hold you back...you got too much living to do yet...be free
2007-02-28 05:45:34 · answer #4 · answered by Dazzlebox 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Splitting up is always very painful. Don't ask your girlfriend to choose between you and the boy. I think you should talk to the girl and tell her what happened. Take time to get over the split with the boy and just be friends with him. Difficult, I know. Take time to heal the hurting! Have you got a friend to confide in?
2007-02-28 06:12:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to your female friend about what went on between you and this guy, she must know something is wrong if you're constantly arguing in front of her. Tell her how you both feel about the situation and let her make her own decisions on the subject. Reassure her that you're in no way pressuring her to make a decision one way or the other.
2007-02-28 05:00:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are a lovely considerate, caring person and both of these friends of yours will be losers if they lose a friend like you. Give it time and the issue will probably resolve itself, most things do. I wish you all the luck in the world.
2007-02-28 06:14:58 · answer #7 · answered by cathyjast 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u dont have to force her into choosing sides... it comes naturally who one wants to be with....u two need to do different things at the same time... ur female frnd will just have to either find her own thing or be with one of u at tht time n with the other person at a different time,....bcuz u n ur male frnd need to spend time apart cuz if u stay togehter u both willl get hurt again n again n possibly u two might end up as enemies if u dont spend time apart
i hope i wrote all tht clearly...
2007-02-28 04:56:39 · answer #8 · answered by ninjagal3000 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if she doesn't know about the two of you then neither of you are a good friend. Tell her that you dated and split up. Then she can decide how she wants to handle it for herself.
2007-02-28 04:53:37 · answer #9 · answered by Martin Pedersen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try and have a talk with ur male friend and explain how u feel, if that sint possible maybe u should spend less time with them as a group and hopefully ur male friend and u will get along better after a little time apart good luck!!
2007-02-28 04:53:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋