I am married and I just agreed to an open relationship. My question is this: has anyone ever been in an open relationship before? Are you still in one? Did it turn out bad? I need some advice.
2007-02-28 04:46:43 · 19 answers · asked by hispanoloco 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I can only speak for myself and my marriage. We looked into open marriage and it was open for about 6 months about 2 years ago. I went on a few dates, as did he. Nothing sexual ever happened. As we discussed what we were feeling and seeing how we responded to each other when the other had a date we came to understand that we were not the type of people who could effectively live in the open marriage lifestyle. We closed our marriage and have had little trouble moving on from our "experiment". We learned a great deal about ourselves because of the experiment. In the end it (open marriage) didn't work out for us.
I would never tell someone that they shouldn't be part of this lifestyle. It is very personalized to the people involved. I would say that IN GENERAL the majority of people are not properly equipped to deal with the emotional/mental/physical needs/wants of open marriage. You think marriage one on one is tough try it with more people. It can work and for those it does work for is a wonderful thing, but when it fails it can get real ugly.
If the marriage is being opened up because someone has someone waiting in the wings, that is wrong and deceitful. The marriage will fail or have serious repercussions if that is the case.
I am included a few links that I found informational when we were looking into open marriage. Learn and try to ready yourself before you act. (look before you leap)
2007-02-28 04:59:11 · answer #1 · answered by Poppet 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I just don't get the idea of an open marriage. Why do you bother to get married if you are going to continue to see other people? Now, I've heard some people in open relationships say "well, because it shows that we are committed to each other at the end of the day". I guess I feel like it can't really be healthy to the 2 of you and your marriage because the chances of meeting someone else that you connect with in more than just sex are pretty high. Then what? Do you bring that person into your marriage? Maybe I'm old fashioned even though I'm only 33 yrs old. I could never share my wife with someone else or let another person into that part of our relationship. She is precious to me and our intimate times together are awesome and intense and just between the 2 of us. I am not judging you, I am just giving my honest opinion. If it is something you think you will enjoy and can handle emotionally, then go for it. I believe people should do what makes them happy as long as no one gets hurt. My problem is that I think in a situation like you're talking about it would be easy for someone to get hurt emotionally. Marriage to me is still a committment to love, honor and cherish each other through the good and the bad. I can't see how an open marriage can show committment or honor. Good luck to you.
2007-02-28 13:14:30 · answer #2 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Open relationships can and do work more than you might think. The line about "my so and so fell in love with someone during an open relationship and it ended my marriage" is just BS since this happens in closed relationships as well and we all know it does. Do some research and keep the communication on going between each other, it might be for you and then again it might not. Only you two know what you need within the boundaries of your marriage.
2007-02-28 13:05:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
My wife and I have had open aspects to our marriage at various points. There are quite a few factors that go into making something like that work. It's hard to judge from what you've said here how many (if any) of them apply to you.
For example, both people have to agree to every aspect of the "openness" of the relationship. What is okay? Dating? Kissing? Sleeping over? I told my wife I never wanted to sleep alone, and until she was in the hospital with our son, I never did.
Also, consider how it is going to change your relationship. Is him/her having a relationship with someone else going to be a problem? Are they going to develop romantic/intimate feelings for the other person? If so, how are you (as a couple) going to deal with that?
Don't be afraid to say no! If you're not comfortable with it at all, then say no. Opening up a relationship is an admition of weakness. I'm a weak man, and I can admit that. My wife admires that I can admit what my weaknesses are. I admire that she can admit what her weaknesses are. We deal with those weaknesses in creative ways as a couple. If you're not weak and your spouse is not weak, then you don't need to open up your relationship. If one or both of you are weak in some way but you don't want to open up the relationship, then there are other creative ways to deal with the weakness.
2007-02-28 13:13:21 · answer #4 · answered by Sean J 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've seen it and no it didn't ---> Yea it sounds great you can go out and get some new tail but now look at it like this, next time you kiss her, where has her mouth been??? Or even this she found the largest mangina ever so now you can't do a damn thing for her..... Its great on our side of the house to get to hook up with new women but your bedroom life will fail, you'll get jealous and eventually it will end up with divorce - Marriage is a union of love to be together and happy with just the two of you, it looks as if its not if this is like an option to save your marriage I see it to fail --- Close your eyes right now and picture your wife giving oral to your best friend - Nothing, what about a gang bang ---- not a pretty thought when you think about it huh
2007-02-28 12:55:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
open relationships are not relationships. its basically like if you are doing some guy casually and then you start doing your friend casually and they dont really care as long as they get to do you. it will end bad, of course. at some point, either you or your husband will start feeling hurt or betrayed. i mean your sharing something that's supposed to be intimate between the two of you with some other people. at this time im thinking, what was the point of getting married? being married means that you are devoted to eachother. if you consider that to be old fashioned then you should just have a serious relationship with some guy instead of marrying him and then go ahead and take times off everytime things get tough or boring. i just think its a bad idea. however i hope you didnt agree to something you really didnt want to do.
2007-02-28 12:54:30 · answer #6 · answered by ♥ 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How could it possibly matter if someone elses worked or didn't work, they are not you or your spouse? The real question is did you both agree to a set of ground rules, and what will happen if those rules are broken. Personally I don't see a problem with swinging, since both partners are fully involved and aware of everything, no secrets. But a truly open relationship, that just seems like a breeding ground for mistrust and jealousy.
2007-02-28 12:52:39 · answer #7 · answered by javelin 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
OK just because your in an open relationship that does not mean that you are any less in love with your partner me and my lady are in an open relationship and we love each other more then ever they do work and at times make your relationship even more fun
2007-02-28 12:58:07 · answer #8 · answered by definition 1 · 3⤊ 1⤋
NOOOO! My best friend and her husband tried this for a couple of years and it did not workout. They made an agreement to date other people, make out...but no intercourse. Her husband ended up sleeping with one of her use to be really close friends. She almost left him but he cried and begged her to stay. He said that he was sorry like a million times...they worked things out but it took a while before she could trust him again. I don't understand why people do that. If you want to continue to date a lot of people then why bother getting married??? You need to talk to your spouse about this again and weigh the pros and cons. The cons WILL out weigh the pros...trust me.
2007-02-28 13:29:12 · answer #9 · answered by KokoQueen 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I had a good friend (no, it really isn't me) that had an open relationship with his wife. It worked out fine for many years-he was fine with that fact that she would have sex with other men. But, it turned out she fell in love with someone else and wanted a divorce. I don't think women can separate sex and love as easily as men can. Be careful
2007-02-28 12:50:53 · answer #10 · answered by Lesleann 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋