Does this make sense for me to feel insecure and untrusting?? (Add. Detail)?

Question

me and my husband have arguments often and sometimes during them he tells me im retarded or stupid and that nothing I say should or doesnt matter to him. He has broken some things in the house and says that it was my fault that I pushed too far. The thing is i didnt push anything I just ask questions. I tell him that he can make me feel uncomfortable sometimes or afraid. He says that its not him that its always me. This doesnt make sense and I feel that i cannot live a happy life or live in a happy marriage. help.

Answer 1

I used to hear this alot, "no one can make you feel anything but yourself". So basically if I felt stupid or belittled than it was the way I felt, not because of anything he did. All untrue. Sounds like you get the crap end of the stick no matter who starts what. It is hard to live in a relationship like that because it always seems as if you have to tiptoe around the other person. You have every right to feel the way you do and if something doesn't change you just might find yourself at the end of your rope and walking out on this man. If you have any questions or feel the need for some support you can email me. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 2

It makes plenty of sense for you to feel this way...Your marriage is not a healthy one...you might want to try and seek marriage counciling...your husband may need a little more than that though. Whatever you do be careful...if things start going too far tell someone, get help, and get out quick. In the mean time though I'll be praying for you...God Bless!!!

Answer 3

It's time to leave... NOW!

Go pack your bags this instant. This is just the beginning signs of an abusive relationship. If he hasn't hit you yet, he will. Don't wait for it to happen.

When he calls to "work things out". Tell him he has to work out his issues without you, for his own reasons.

I have been there. Things started out great, then name calling began, then throwing things, then twisting my arms, nearly busting my fingers, etc. The last straw for me was when he grabbed me by my neck and tried to drag me back in the house when I was trying to leave. I called my mom to help make sure I left and never looked back... and I didn't look back. And I don't regret leaving. The only regret I have is that I waiting too long to leave (5 years). And the bruises on my neck reminded me why I made the right decision.

And when you leave, just take what you need. Don't fight over furniture and property. Let the lawyers fight that part... or just walk away from everything. You can always replace material possessions, you can't replace your life it it goes too far.

Answer 4

First of all, you are being emotionally abused! You may not be physically (put his hands on you) but I"m sure it is coming. You need to get out of that relationship right now. It is awful that everything is your fault but what about him? Sweetie, leave quick b/f your family finds you dead some where. You can do better, believe me. You don't deserve to be going through what you are going through. Nothing wrong with having a happy marriage but don't just settle for anything. So go and pack your bags and leave that psycho!!!!!

Answer 5

WOW ! something must be really going on with him . Some times when people act that way they were treated like that as a child . They also act that way when they found something they want and they cant have it or get it or some one is picking on them they tend to want to take it out on the ones who love them , cause they know the loved ones will tolerate it more then the others who may be pissing him off . Sit down and ask him what is really going on with him . Tell him you 2 have to talk before your marriage gets destroyed for good . Good Luck !!!!

Answer 6

Your husband is a control freak who takes no responsibility for his actions.... a very dangerous combination. I don't know all your history, but I treated my first wife exactly the same for 14 years. The only thing that could change it was Divorce. I am very happily married now, and a different person with my new wife. Like I said with out all the history , no telling what his problem is or why , but it is his problem, don't settle for it, my ex wasted 14 years, how many do you want to waste ?

Answer 7

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. I am not the type to discourage marriage, but you need to leave him. He has an abusive personality. If he does not hit you now he will begin to. I grew up in an abusive home, and know of a lot of women whom have been abused and in one case my mom's friend was beat to death. Him throwing things, not okay. Calling you names, not okay. You're right, it's not your fault. By him blaming it on you tells me that he will not be changing any time soon. Seek guidance or counsel at a help center. Please don't stay.

Answer 8

Is it possible he is having an affair is what most men do to cover up when they dong something wrong they try to make you feel unworthy and try to get you to leave them so they can do as they please.
If he is breaking things in the house what is he going to break next you?
Time to either have counceling or get out before more happens.
Good luck I feel it is not for a man to hit a woman and from the sound of it you could be in for it soon.

Answer 9

It seems like there are some definate communicate problems. Maybe he has some deep problems that could be helped by therapy - either by himself if he were up to it or marriage counseling. You definately have to try everything you can before you give up on it. If I were you, I would be feeling insecure and mistrusting also. He is doing things to make you feel this way, it is not you. Try counseling. I hope it helps.

Answer 10

I am going to be honest here, hoping you will really think about my answer....You are in an abusive relationship. It may not have started out that way but people and circumstances change. I really think you need to look at a way to separate yourself from this situation. It will give you a chance to really evaluate what is going on.....SAFELY. You can make decisions from there. Good Luck, Keep Safe and remember courage is inside each and everyone of us.