2007-02-28 04:32:24 · 17 answers · asked by WhyNotMe 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wish I knew the answer....I am going through the same thing right now. I am struggling with being haunted with needing to know the details...and forgiving and letting go and trusting that he would never hurt me again.......I will say that time heals alot of things, and the more time goes by the happier I become with our relationship and where it is now, and sometimes I actually thank God that it all happened, because we were just going through the motions after 9 years of marriage. Now we are truly connected....Our love is a million times stronger now.....now If I could just allow myself to be happy.......
I think that probably forgiving and letting go is probably better.....just make sure that you truly let it go, and dont bring up the past, because even though they are guilty, they are hurting too for making a bad decision that hurt you.
2007-02-28 13:26:41 · answer #1 · answered by sifford844 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And what happens when the 'secret' comes out at some point down the road? Keeping secrets is pretty close to lying, especially when the secret would probably be a deal-breaker or cause significant issues in the relationship.
Best idea is not to do anything that would cause the other person distress, then you've no need to worry about their reaction when you tell them.
The amount of detail one goes into when confessing a 'wrong' needn't be great. For example: Your partner doesn't need to know what positions you had sex with your lover, how you or they liked it, and where it occured. However, if a specific question is asked, answer honestly.
2007-02-28 12:38:18 · answer #2 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW! what a loaded question.
I guess that it would depend on what the situation is and HOW it could be damaging, now and in the future. How many people know, and WHY the information is being withheld.
Some things are simply not worth the headache, or the ruination of a marriage, relationship or whatever.
Some things need to be out, so that some sort of damage control can be done.
Some things need to be out because of safety issues.
Others need to be out, because of one's guilt, remorse and the need to be forgiven.
Others need to be hidden because of potential damage to someones mental health should it ever be revealed. This one, needs to be handled very carefully because you never know when it could come back and make the situation worse.
The SAME situation has different needs for different people. What one is okay with, another may not be.
Use caution, and if the details are getting to be too much (watch their body language), scale it back or quit for the moment.
2007-02-28 12:40:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I assume you are talking about the details concerning an affair your partner has had while with you.
I think knowing the details is unnecessary and will only hurt you. Who needs to have their nose rubbed into it? If you are going to forgive, that means you are willing to let it go - all of it - and not dwell on what was done.
Good luck.....
2007-02-28 12:37:06 · answer #4 · answered by dingobluefoot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is kind of a catch 22....you know that if you dont know all of the details it will haunt you and you will keep wondering exactly what happened...on the other hand if you do get all the details it may come out with something you find you cant forgive...personally i want to know the details...but the choice is really yours
2007-02-28 12:39:39 · answer #5 · answered by satine30 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it's bad enough details don't matter, I don't forgive actions that
show a lack of respect and love for me by the other person.
2007-02-28 12:47:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My wife fooled around a year ago and I ended up pressing her for the details. Yeah I think it is better to know than wonder. It doesn't bother me nearly as much now as it did a few months ago.
2007-02-28 12:38:39 · answer #7 · answered by al bundy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I rather to know the details... yeah I will hurt me but I rather to know and they can come and talk to me... Even my wife and Kids I want them to feel that they can talk to me about anything not worry about me feeling hurts..I rather to know the details and see what I can do to help them... I want to be able to do same thing to tell them the details...
My grandmother said "I rather to be honest, But I know it hurts people feelings, not want to hear it... But the truth is I have no reason to lie about this..."
just like Jesus he will tell you the truth, He wanted everyone to know and The Truth comes and the better people feel trust, honest, caring, support, etc..
It sure does make more people to believe... Jesus knows that It up to people to believe him or not.. He still Forgive everyone... wow....
So I like to know than never know and If I found out from someone else then it hurts me more.. I rather to hear from my wife, kids, friends, stuff like that then I am fine.. from a stanger telling me then It hurts me...
2007-02-28 12:39:53 · answer #8 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's better to know. The unknown always comes out somewhere down the line and getting it over with so you can continue with your life in a more positive manner is preferred by me!
2007-02-28 12:41:28 · answer #9 · answered by Lisa A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Details if you want the relationship to progress. The truth may hurt but it allows for growth and healing. WWJD.
2007-02-28 12:40:10 · answer #10 · answered by chickyD 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋