I think it's holding on to the past and I feel disrespected.
2007-02-28 04:22:51 · 28 answers · asked by Patch 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you can ask of course.. he's your guy. they only bother you because you think of them...not because he thinks of them.
does he treat you well? does he love you? does he give you reason to worry today? i always wonder....if a partner can actually remove tangible objects of the past....if thats it....will that make the relationship better for a person....or will that person find something else to bother them. just a thot. tell your guy that you are the type of person that these possessions of his are bothersome internally for you. we all have our own limits of tolerance by choice or by experience. let him know what your tolerance level is. peace
2007-02-28 04:34:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I can understand how you feel about the past being the past. I think that you may be somewhat misunderstanding to ask him to throw out the normal pics, HOWEVER, I don't think he should be trying to hold on to the nude ones....FOR WHAT? Besides, don't you feel secure and safe in your marriage? If u do then let him keep the Face pics but the NUDE pics?? I am a guy and if I were married I wouldn't hold on to those nude pics. That's just me!
2007-02-28 04:32:33 · answer #2 · answered by Komplexity 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it depends.
Did you know about the pics before you got married?
If you did and didn’t say anything, you have no right now to ask him to dispose them. Now, you can still ask him why he kept them and that you though he would get rid of them once you two would be married. In this case, it will be up to him to decide what to do with them and you would have to respect it.
If you didn’t know, then you have a better position to ask him to get rid of them, but still, you should respect the fact that is his personal life from where you two didn’t know each other, so it might be a difficult task to do for him.
So no matter what is the case, what you need to keep in mind is that he might want to hold on to some memories of his past. And this is acceptable. What it would be unacceptable is for you to ask him to dispose it all just because you are jealous.
Now, about the naked pics. This is a little more serious. But before we start, lets clarify something. We guys are very visual and you should know that already. And you also need to understand that in general, we guys like to think about sexual things, and it has nothing to do with our feelings. For us, sex and love can be 100% separated in most cases.
He might be keeping those for his own sexual satisfaction, not for masturbation while looking (that would be kinda disturbing after being a married man) but more as a goal achieve. Might not be intentional, but he might be proud of those pics and thinking he got to be with those women.
So the first thing to do should be to let him know you don’t appreciate him keeping the nude pics. The others should be ok if he wishes to have some memories. Have a nice conversation with him and ask him why he keeps them. And ask him specifically about the naked ones.
See what he says. If he says no reason at all, then ask him to dispose them, and maybe you can offer him to pose for him and tell him that you will make those pics seem like nothing when compared to what you are going to do posing for the camera. If it was me, I would be tearing them apart while running to get my digital camera.
Some people don’t care. My wife doesn’t care, I had some, and I got rid of them, in this case, because I wanted too even when she told me I didn’t have to. Still, she gave me good reasons not to think about stupid pics, and still give me no reasons at all.
Just don’t make a big deal of it, or he will just think you are jealous. And any nice pic he might have, you can even offer him to make a small album with some memories of his “good old days”. And maybe you can do the same for yours, and even have them in the same album. Why not? Is in the past, and I’m sure you both will look at them some time and will bring some nice memories back. Is part of human nature. And there is nothing wrong with it.
Have fun taking pics… ;)
2007-02-28 05:42:20 · answer #3 · answered by Dan D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you know about these pictures before married?If you did and you married him any way leave it alone. You can't cry over spelled milk. If you try-ed to have him throw them out before marriage and he didn't that should of gave you a red flag then. But you married him any way. So stop complaining. Store them in a box in move them as far to the back of the closet out of sight out of mind. However if you didn't know and now your married the nude ones have to go. My boyfriend has a photo aldem of mostly of all his ex girlfriends and it don't bother me. Some are in binki that bothers me a little but there not nude. If he had nude ones they would be gone. Trust me on that one. Everyone has a past in your not going to be able to get rid of it don't matter what you do. I hardly think that he remembering those girls every day, you are.Let it go. Read ten stupid things couples do to mess up their lives by Dr. Laura C. Schlessinger
2007-02-28 04:42:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No.
That should be expected.
It's doubtful that he would be comfortable with you having pictures of old boyfriends, naked. So why does that not apply to him? That would be a double standard.
He needs to move past those things and have his life with you. If he wants them as keepsakes, then is is not moving on with you. That is a bad sign.
You just need to talk with him about this. But don't get angry, then he will only see that you are jealous and think that your being a 'woman'. Chances are, he does understand what it's doing to your marriage for him to keep them. You need to explain that. Men can be very naive about that sort of thing.
2007-02-28 05:10:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I look at it this way. What my husband did and who he dated before he met me, doesn't matter. The important thing is that he's with me. He chose me to be his wife, just as much as I chose him to be my husband. Just ask him to put them away and place them in the attic or basement. It's a part of his past. And weather you like it or not, he may still have fond memories of some of those girls. That doesn't mean that he's still in love with them or waiting for them to hook up with him. It's just his past. I might ask him to get rid of the nude photos though. No real reason to have those around anymore. Just my 2 cents.
2007-02-28 04:52:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Who doesn't want to have some memory of their past? I have pics of old boyfriends and i have been married for 11 yrs.I dont put them on display or anything, but i have them. I would like to have some reminders.some of the pics have me in them and yes i am considerably younger..Now as far as the nude pics go...yes throw them out that's just disrespectful to you.
2007-02-28 04:29:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Nude pic, yes...other pics, no. You should not be jealous of his past, provided all of the girls in the pics are truly that...from his past. He is with you now and they and the pics are just a reference point to who he was a different time his his life; now who he is now.
However, keeping nude pics of former girlfriends is not appropriate after he has said his vows and you have every right to expect that he dispose of those.
2007-02-28 04:28:23 · answer #8 · answered by bottleblondemama 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When my husband and I started getting serious, he wanted to burn the pictures of his ex gf in front of me. At the time I told him no, that when he was ready to get rid of them then he can do it on his own. Well, when we were moving, I was packing and came across these pictures. I threw them out and told him a few months later. HE was a little upset, but he quickly realized that it meant more to me to pitch them, then to keep them for him. Throw them away, if he gets angry, then tell him to get over it. End of story.
2007-02-28 07:43:33 · answer #9 · answered by Jackie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No.
You have no right to tell him what to do with his property. If they bother you so much, go to the store and buy an album and request that he move all of his pictures into that one and then have him stick it in one of his dresser drawers or on a shelf somewhere.
The man had a life BEFORE you. His life did not begin when you met him. Besides, these people may have at one time been important to him, and they may have broken up on good terms.
I think that you are simply being petty and jealous, when you have no reason to be.........unless he is getting them out and making stupid comments and using them to put you down, and I do not think that it is the case, or you would of said something.
Simply put, leave the man's pictures along. There are bigger things to fight about that will be more important than some pictures of former loves.
2007-02-28 04:31:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋