She asks the kids about our lives and even people in town. We were at a meeting in which she is an officer and stated she no longer wanted that position but would do it if no one else would. So I nominated a friend of mine who I know would do a great job. Both were asked to step outside while the room voted. My friend busted back into the room and said to withdraw her name because the ex-wife still wanted to do it. This after we had all voted and my friend won. Afterward I spoke with my friend and she said the ex-wife was so mad and said that it was my husband that wanted her out. This is totally false because he had no part in it. She is constantly blaming him for her misfortunes. So I called her and calmly told her that I did not appreciate her accusing us for what had happened that that we didn't care what she did that she had said herself that she didnt want to do it anyway & she hung up on me. How can I make her understand that we don't care about her or what she does?
2007-02-28 03:14:43 · 7 answers · asked by J W 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know what you're going through. It's really important my husband and I have learned, to make certain you don't talk about anything you don't want your ex to know about when the kids are with you. We know there are little ears just waiting that will be reporting back to their mother when they go home so we're very careful now, we learned our lesson! And with the blame thing, it won't ever change, it will always be her that is the victim. It's tough but try to keep to yourself and be careful of what you say because she'll always be watching and waiting for an opportunity to get back at you. And be careful of what you talk about around the children....this is a big one!
Best of luck,
Tori
2007-02-28 03:23:57 · answer #1 · answered by Incognito 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough situation. Unfortunately, I don't think you can make a difference in her behavior. She regards you as the enemy, and probably will never listen to anything that you have to say. Your husband is the only one who can put her in her place. It sounds as if she has been the one to rule the roost, and he and the children have placated her. She seems to want to be the one who calls the shots, even when it invades the privacy of others. Your husband needs to step up to the plate and set some boundaries in place that will keep her in her place and out of your business! I wish you all the best.
2007-02-28 11:26:33 · answer #2 · answered by jewel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ignore the daylights out of her- she got a rise out of you- that made her happy.
I had to deal with my husbands X trying to run us over, yelling at us in a crowd, getting angry at school functions and belittling, scratching our car, identity fraud, harassing calls, stalking, interogating the kids after every visit, false restraining orders based on lies, Running to the FOC and lying about situations, turning the kids against us....
This is called Divorce Related Malicious Mother Syndrom.
The key is- don't talk to her- walk away when she talks at you, and tell the kids that if mom interrogates them, to tell her that if she has questions- go ask dad, not put them in the middle- but the key is- dad says nothing and does not take her calls. All her calls need to go to voicemail. We got blamed for her credit card debt, for being fake, for all her misfortunes...and did not reply back unless the kids asked. Like- mom says that you left her with all the debt; Response, that is funny, because the courts made me pay off all the debt when the divorce was final- any debt after that is all hers. Anyway, your mom can handle her own credit card debt- that is not your responsibility- you just work on being a good kid.
If the child starts to be brainwashed by the x, and getting angry, just apologize for what ever the child thinks is true and ask for them to say they forgive you.
This worked with us. Son, I am sorry you feel_____, will you forgive me? Son, I am sorry for ____, will you forgive me.
It works! I have lived it for 8 years now.
The x no longer calls, if she does- it goes to phone mail. The kids do not answer her questions about us- they say- go ask dad.
....and then we ignore her!
2007-02-28 11:30:45 · answer #3 · answered by northville 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. You can do that by not caring about her or what she does. You think I'm a smart alec, but I'm not. It is not your job nor your calling (apparently) to make her understand anything!! She is a pain in the a** and I feel for you Darlin'!! Carry On. @8-]
2007-02-28 11:21:07 · answer #4 · answered by Dovey 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ignore her as much as possible. Do not let yourself be lead into her madness. Eventually she will get bored when she does not receive the reactions that she wants. It is going to take alot of patience on your part. If you are really into your marriage, it will be worth it.
2007-02-28 11:24:07 · answer #5 · answered by Lyn729 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
shoot her, that's what I did! (Well, it's what I wish I could do)
Just leave her the heck alone, don't call her, don't acknowledge her, act as though you've never met her and she should get the picture. Unles there are kids involved, in which case you are screwed.
2007-02-28 11:24:26 · answer #6 · answered by stratplayer1967 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is not your "battle". It is his. The more you react to her actions, the more she will do it. Ignore her. It will eventually stop.
2007-02-28 11:21:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋