What does this mean? Whenever I point out to my ex husband that the reason he is not seeing his kids as much as he would like is because he chose to have an affair and walk away from our marriage and family. That is the response I get - you need to get over yourself? What does this mean?
2007-02-28 02:45:08 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He does see his kids every other weekend and one night a week. It is the arrangement that works best for the kids. Also, if he wants to see them any other time - I let him.
2007-02-28 02:50:16 · update #1
I do not interfere in his relationship with our kids!! I tell him over and over that whenever he wants to see the kids he can! I never say no! The problem is - he does not ask!!
2007-02-28 03:32:09 · update #2
"you need to get over yourself" usually is a term used when a person thinks they are hot and they really are not. I feel your husband used it to mean a different thing. He is saying to you "he does not care about you feeling the affair is reason why he cannot see the kids as often as he would want to". Selfish response from a selfish man. You are wasting valuable time paying too close attention to what ever he has to say. Be glad to be rid of him. Best of luck to you!
2007-02-28 02:54:36 · answer #1 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would think it means that he thinks you haven't gotten over the breakup of your marriage, and need to move on with your life. You may also be holding onto some resentment as well. None of this is good for you, bitterness eats away at a person like a poison. You may need some counseling to help you get over the divorce and move on with your life and be happy.
However, if you're being vindictive, and withholding the kids from him because of your feelings, all he has to do is take you to court. Plus, you're hurting your kids in the process, they need their dad. Please, for the sake of your children, work with your ex husband to figure out a mutually agreeable visitation schedule, don't let this escalate to a court date. That just hurts everyone involved and no one winds up winning in the long run.
Also, and I have to say this (and you probably need to really hear this), it takes 2 people to break up a marriage. If he was having an affair, it was because there was something he needed that he wasn't getting inside the marriage relationship, so he went outside of the marriage to find it. And no, I"m not talking about just sex, it's usually a bigger problem than that. The extramarital affair is usually just the symptom of a bigger problem within the marriage. I'm not condoning his having an affair, just telling you that you contributed to the marriage failing as well as he did.
2007-02-28 02:54:29 · answer #2 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It's simply a defensive response. He feels you keep throwing what he did back in his face. I had that problem for the first couple of years, too, and got the same response. Now, whenever I talk to him I try to just stick to the point. It's hard sometimes - because I never really forgave him for what he did to our son, myself, and my family (who adored him and believed his lies for a long time). His family still believes his lies but that is their problem, not mine anymore.
Don't make the small talk or bring up the past - it only gives him the satisfaction of knowing he is still hurting you. The less you say to him the more it will bother him. Move on - throw your energy into yourself and your kids. Rebuild. Be happy - that is the ultimate revenge.
Unless there are valid reasons that the kids should not be with their dad or if the kids are not ready for that step, start allowing them more time with him. Afternoons that you could spend catching up on housework, taking a college class, getting in a bit of overtime at work, spending with friends, etc. It will benefit everyone - you, the kids, and your ex. Just make sure you document everything and he is not just using this as a ploy to go after more custody of the kids to reduce his child support.
2007-02-28 02:52:20 · answer #3 · answered by greyrider 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It means you are using the kids as a weapon in your fight with him.
It means you need to quit messing with his relationship with his children just because he is done with you.
It means that you are not the worlds greatest woman and he wants to see his kids.
It means you are a pain in the butt, that is the reason he left in the first place and using his kids as a bargaining chip is just another example.
Do you need any more translations?
BTW- just because he left you does not give you an excuse to
interfere with his relationship with the kids. A warning, keep this up and in time the children will come to view this attitude as a reason to dislike you as well. They will be able to make up their own opinions of the situation sooner than you think. If you are seen as getting in the way of that relationship it will come back in ways you do not want. kids will know when they are pawns in some kind of spiteful chess game. Your problem is your relationship with him. Keeping the kids from him will create a relationship problem between the kids and YOU as well.
2007-02-28 03:12:57 · answer #4 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He thinks you still love him or have feelings for him and are using his kids against him, because you keep pointing that detail out to him. He feels you should let it go and not prevent him from seeing his kids based on what he did to you. In his eyes, he walked away from you, not his kids.
You should respond back and say "Whatever, you need to get over yourself, I don't want you back!! You did something immature and I don't want that kind of behavior to rub off on my kids."
2007-02-28 02:56:00 · answer #5 · answered by Charisma 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
In this case I think of it as a small whiny boy saying "quit telling me I made a miiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssttakeeee. Waaa Waaa I dont want to talk about it anymore." Well then, he shouldnt of screwed up what he had. Ask him if he's ever heard of this one..."You dont miss the water till the well runs dry." Meaning he shouldve thought about what he was doing to his life before he screwed it up and let his family down. What a jerk. Hope youve moved on.
2007-02-28 03:00:50 · answer #6 · answered by My_Two_Centz 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think he means, instead of punishing him by withholding the kids, just get over the whole thing. He may have walked away and had an affair, but that's usually a sign that there was something major wrong in the marriage to begin with. Don't punish him with the kids. You are only hurting them. They need to spend time with their father, and get to know him, just as they do with you. Unless he is a BAD father. But please, keep you and your husbands personal business out of your childrens lives. It will benefit no one. You are bitter, and that is understandable, but eventually, you will someone else to share your life with.
2007-02-28 02:50:56 · answer #7 · answered by bina64davis 6 · 1⤊ 4⤋
it means he isn't sorry for what he did, he is not remorseful, and he wants no more confrontation about what he did, he thinks it is u and that u are bitter, but how are u suppose to feel about it? he is selfish, a coward, and a cheater, and doesn't want to take the blame for his character flaw.
2007-02-28 02:57:17 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It means stop punishing the children for his mistakes. Stop using the children to punish him. Ge over whatevr resentment you have towards him and move on with your life.
2007-02-28 02:54:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
You need to get over the feelings you are holing inside and STOP keeping the kids from him. This is not fair to only him but the kids also.
2007-02-28 02:51:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 4⤋