2007-02-28 02:44:29 · 27 answers · asked by handiest11 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
hi handiest... you answered me, now my turn...
i feel your anguish..
how is it so , that no matter how much we love someone, trust is soooooo hard to repair?
we constantly compare ourselves to the other person(internet in my case) wonder if we are good enough (in every way...)
I have really good positive days, when not much bothers me and i can look at the situation with a light heart and KNOW that its whats happening now that matters and that love will get us through.
But, the bad, negative thoughts always come back to haunt sooner or later and we are left to nurse our broken hearts time and time again... it always hurts just as much as the first time....
when does the pain go away? does the pain go away?
i dont know... sometimes i think that love is just not enough to get everyone through tough times.
do you have kids? i feel backed into a corner in my situation, because my 2 little-uns need their dad around.... so do i! but.............................
so, do we wait and hope time heals? do we take the positive thinking approach and refuse to let the negative thoughts enter our minds? or is that denial and doing more harm than good in the long run?
dont you wish we could have a crystal ball? dont you wish that we could believe EVERYTHING our partners told us? dont we have that right?
look at me waffling here......
just take solace in knowing that she came back to you.... she obviously loves you and wants to be with you, but be careful, you sound like you are beautiful gentle soul, and people like us tend to get walked on too.......
i hope you can get through each day knowing you are not alone... and that its probably never as bad as we think!!!!!!
dont be harsh on yourself..... she probably realised the grass is not greener on the other side!
love and support to you.
2007-02-28 11:56:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will never totally get it out of your mind. Time is the only answer. And even then, something will spark an image or a thought. I commend you for trying to forgive her and stay together. If you both truely love each other and are commited to the marriage and to each other from here on out, it will work out. Be patient and love her and try not to throw it in her face. That is the hardest thing for me. Something will come up and I'll have a snyde remark for my husband. (He had affair summer of 06). Those remarks are hurtful and delay the healing process. I wish you both luck.
2007-02-28 02:52:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My wife had an affair. It doesn't leave your mind, but that doesn't mean the relationship can't be rebuilt. If you are like me, you are very hurt and angry and upset...compounded by the fact that now you are expected to rise to the challenge of being faithful and being the strong one and helping to repair the damage. This is a very difficult time, and there are no easy answers or coping mechanisms. Expect the incident to change you, and change your relationship with your wife...then put one foot forward one day at a time and move on. Take care.
2007-02-28 02:49:56 · answer #3 · answered by Paul 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've heard of "Forgive and Forget" right? Well the two don't always go together. I assume you forgave her since you are still together and her affair is over. Now the forgetting part comes in and it is the toughest because it takes so much time.
I don't know why she had the affair or why she obviously loves you and did it anyway. But you have her love right? Women are like radar. And your woman stayed with you. Remember that.
2007-02-28 02:52:48 · answer #4 · answered by Dovey 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I doubt that you will ever get it out of your mind, but if you have forgiven her, then you must move on with this. You do need counseling together to try and get over it, together, and move on with your marriage. I give you great credit for taking her back to begin, but that will only make your marriage stonger in the long run, and eventually, you guys will be okay.
I wish you the best of luck!
2007-02-28 03:34:04 · answer #5 · answered by bina64davis 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good for the two of you for working things out! You will always remember, but it will go to the back of your mind over time. One word of advice, don't ever bring it up again (assuming since you are back together you have forgiven her for her mistake) and I mean, never ever....
2007-02-28 02:52:14 · answer #6 · answered by abc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you spoke it out, and understand why it happened then you just have to push it out of your mind every time it pops up. Do you have the fear that it will happen again? Do you trust her? These are the questions you have to resolve before you can get it out of your mind.
Look at Hillary, and Bill Clinton. They worked it out. It is not the end of the world. I do understand though how you feel.
2007-02-28 02:50:50 · answer #7 · answered by michelebaruch 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It will be hard however you made the choice to take her back so you will have to live with it until next time. I took my ex back many times, then I just got fed up.
Good luck to you, I hope there will never be a next time for you.
Try some counciling if she will, it might help you both work thru it.
2007-02-28 02:49:14 · answer #8 · answered by tammer 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its possible to put it behind you if you have forgiven her. If its still popping up then its too soon maybe you should have waited. You have to be able to forgive and forget to be able to stay together. You have to work on the trust that will take time. If you don't let it go all her efforts and yours will be in vain. I wish you the best.
2007-02-28 02:52:06 · answer #9 · answered by ilisalec 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
prayer, therapy, faith, communication, love, and just not focusing on the hurt, since u have made the decision to take her back, it will be in your mind for awhile until u begin to feel comfortable and trust her again. and alot of it will depend on her, and her being honest and faithful and her making the right choices when temptation comes, and it will, there is always something to tempt us, just takes time and her loyalty to u to make it leave your mind.
2007-02-28 02:49:43 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋