He is older than me 18 yrs,& I am 30yrs. old. He was married before and got divorced 5 yrs ago. When I ask him if him about getting married he said no. I love him & i know he loves me & maybe he's afraid to get married again. what should I do? Shoul i leave him or give him time? Do you think he will change his mind & well get married, pls help.
2007-02-28 02:03:06 · 16 answers · asked by princess 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
give him time to make up his mind. dont pressurize him lest you cheapen out. if he's not forthcoming dont blame him. his experiences are yet to wayne. he must have seen hell of some sort. only time will heal his heart.
2007-02-28 02:09:28 · answer #1 · answered by oshokhameye 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a huge step. It's the joining of two people becoming one and beginning to share forever with each other. And when that bond is broken, it's often hard to take that risk again. It's painful to split from a person you wanted so badly to dedicate the rest of your life to. Maybe, he does have a fear of getting married again. But how will you know if you don't discuss the issue with him?
Clearly marriage is important to you. Therefore, I think you should sit down and let him know what you're feeling. Some people just aren't comfortable with doing certain things, like starting a family or living together for long periods of time without being married. And that's ok. If you feel that you need that security, then you should have it.
If he tells you that he is absolutely sure that he's not interested in getting married ever again, you may have to look at moving on. You should also make him aware of that fact as well. And then, he may just need time to get over his past still. Being an older man, he has probably been through his share of pain. There is a possibility that he could still be speaking from hurt and fustration.
2007-02-28 02:14:49 · answer #2 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a serious issue. Guys and girls who have partners who do not want to get married is common. More than anything u need to ask some questions. first u need to sit down and really have a conversation about it. See where he stands on marriage and ask why (don't just assume that it's because he's scared). He probably is very committed to you and you are probably the same to him. The love comes and goes and comes and goes as the relationship continues so don't get to caught up on whether u have that feeling all of the time or not, the committment is what's important.
After u know what he wants u need to ask yourself what u want. Why do u want to get married in the first place? Do u think that marriage is important enough to u that u would give up the relationship even if the two of u r really committed to one another? Can u live a life that doesn't involve being married to the guy? If u can't then u have to break up. It will only hurt the relationship if one of u feels obligated to get married or stay unmarried even though u don't want to. After u have heard his position, if he doesn't want to get married and he is serious about it then there is no reason to give him time, he's made up his mind. It's mainly about communication and knowing what both people want.
2007-02-28 02:14:16 · answer #3 · answered by Vince R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should read the question posted by the 43 year old woman who has been living with her boyfriend for the last 17 years, wondering if she's wasting her time! Most women (not all but most) want to get married and raise a family. As long as you're okay with not being married and not starting a family in order to eleviate your boyfriends fear of commitment, then by all means keep doing what you're doing. But I dont get the feeling that this is what you want, or else you wouldn't be asking!
2007-02-28 02:11:48 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well according to the saying if it is past 2 years then he probably wont but everyone changes their minds. What happened in the last marriage that makes him not want to get married again? Also, are you willing to stay with him regardless of not knowing whether or not you two will be married?
2007-02-28 02:23:19 · answer #5 · answered by Shawnese D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your have to ask yourself what will marriage change for the two of us? You get his last name will that make you love him even more? Do you think the sex will be better? You’re going to make more money at work? Or is it by him asking you to marry him you feel like he loves you more then anyone else?
I never thought about it that way before. (See I just learned something today)
Just talk to him and if you trust him when he say he love you and don't want to be with anyone else that should be good for you. Take happiest anywhere you can find it.
Good luck
2007-02-28 02:15:20 · answer #6 · answered by choiceav 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he says he doesn't want to get married again then it probably will not happen. If you want to get married at some point then move on and find someone else. He has been upfront and honest that this is something he is not interested in doing again. Consider yourself lucky that he told you this from the very beginning.
2007-02-28 02:18:31 · answer #7 · answered by navy wife 1996 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if marriage is all that you are focused on then you need to leave him and find a man to get married to. if building relatinships is what you are focused on then stay with him. he has already been married. he doesn't have a need to fill that desire anymore. he has expierenced it and it probably is not all that it's cracked up to be. marriage is a lot of work. you can't get him to change his mind about anything. there is more to life than getting married and having children and dying. much more.
2007-02-28 03:20:22 · answer #8 · answered by cfalways 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if marriage is what you need then you may not find it there some men feel that if they been though a divorce that they should never ever get married again. if you love this man you should just wait and mybe some day he will change is mind.
2007-02-28 02:14:16 · answer #9 · answered by celticdragon 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's up to you. Can you sacrifice your needs to get married? If not, then maybe you should think whether you should stay with him. But really, Isn't love more important than marriage? People can be unhappily married, but seldom you hear people who are unhappily in love. I wish all the best
2007-02-28 02:12:30 · answer #10 · answered by chardonnayormerlot 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give him time. is it really That important to you to get married are you not happy the way you are. my boyfriend is older than me and has been married before 3 times in no hurry to be the 4th but do love him and am happy the way we are he is 19yrs older than me i am 36 and have not been married before.
2007-02-28 02:19:54 · answer #11 · answered by debbie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋