need some advice on my daughter and boyfriend?

Question

my daughter is 17 an has a boyfriend which she has been seeing long time , she has aked me if on some nights when they are out late i.e party , chould he stay over in seperate room .. need some advice on this an come to a good solution ..

Answer 1

If I was in your shoes then I would let him stay on the condition that he sleeps in another room. Your daughters seems mature enough if she can ask you this and she obviously has respect for you as alot of teenagers would just try and sneak their boyfriends or girlfriend home. Naturally it will be difficult for you but to mantain a good strong relationship with her then you need to show you trust her. Now would be a good time to talk to her about contraception aswell. good luck

Answer 2

Well, she sounds like she's being quite responisible in suggesting he stay over in a seperate room. And she obviously doesn't want to lie by pretending she's staying at a friends house, which people do all too often.

They'll be staying at your house so you'll know what's going on and she probably just wants to find a way to spend more time with him i.e if he stays over on a Sat night she'll get to see him on Sunday morning.

Maybe see how it goes by suggesting it might be ok once in a while to start with but not too often. Is there something you could trade her with? Good exam results etc?

Good luck

Answer 3

I think that by letting him stay over in a seperate room is showing them that you trust them, i don't think that there is anything wrong with it and it means that your daugter wont feel the need to sneak around or not come home at all. Let her know your ground rules though, and let her know that if the rules are broken then the privelidge will be taken away but just by approching you with the question shows that you have a good girl with a decent head on her shoulders, be proud and accept that she is growig up.

Answer 4

I dont see why not. They seem old enough. I am rather liberal, so i would even allow in the same room, so long as they agree not to have sex. Not because i would think that they are not doing it at all, more so because it would be uncomfortable to hear them. But if your not as easy going as me, then seperate rooms should be ok, but dont be pariniod and check on the rooms every 10 minutes. Sleeping next to people is a sign of great affection, mabye they would like to experience it. Start out with them both in the living room or something like that.

Answer 5

Its a personal descision on your part but if she has suggested separate rooms then at 1en the trust in your relationship with her if she can see that you are a mum who wants to be reasonable and treat her like a grown up. If she has been seeing him for a long time, is it not possible that they have begun having sexual relations anyway? Although it always comes as a shock to parents 17 really isnt that young to start being intimate. As parents we have to make some descisions that are difficult but she clearly respects that this is your house and she hasnt pushed the boundaries of respect by asking if he can stay in her room with her......its up to you but id see this as an excellent opportunity to give your daughter some leeway. Goodluck!!

Answer 6

I would allow it, she is 17 and has been seeing him a long time. I clearly remember being 17 and staying at my boyfriends house for the weekends. We had seperate rooms, but always ended up sleeping in the same one. She is most likely already having sex with him, hopefully you are aware of this. But its better under your roof than god knows where. Just have a good chat to her about protection.

Answer 7

When I was 17 I ran away from home and ended up at my boyfriends house. His parents let me stay in his room, and he slept in his brothers on the top bunk there. The whole point was to seperate us so we wouldn't have sex.

In the end, he used to sneak in at nights and we would fool around a bit. Also, he would come in about 5AM to get ready for work (it was the summer), and he would always come and lie with me for a bit without his parents knowing.

So in the end, could work... maybe... but you have to make sure you aren't a completely sound sleeper....

Answer 8

Seperate rooms would be ok as long as you're not a really
sound sleeper. A couple of hundred years ago, the boyfriend
would sleep in the same room as the girl but they would tie him up in a bag so he was incapacitated. Mabye you could find one of those... But if they were going to do something, they'd
already be doing it.

Answer 9

i've recently turned 18, when i was 16/17 i was with my boyfriend of a year and a half, my mum wouldn't dream of it, now that im that little bit older i understand my mums views. you need to let her understand that its ok if it doesnt happen very often, if ur comfortable that he's not going to take advantage and they not going to dis-respect you by sneaking into each others room. the first time my mum let my boyfriend sleep round was only recently and she couldnt sleep all night "just in case". he's not slept round again.

all this is, is advice and these are our points of view, what really matters is how you feel and if your comfortable.

what does your mothers intuition say...

Answer 10

I see no problem with this. Your daughter is not a child and her relationship is very important to her especially since they've been together along time. More than likely they are also sexually active and if committed enough the young man could end up your son in law. This would show not only them that you respect them but their relationship as well. If they want to have sex they will no matter what so that is out of your control anyway.