My wife forgot my birthday?

Question

A couple of months ago I found out that my wife had been unfaithful to me. I decided to swallow my pride and forgive her, in part becuase I wanted to try and make things work for our three small children. I would have thought that she would be making every attempt to demonstrate that she is still commited to our marriage and tp me in light of what happened. However she totally blew off my birthday. Completely forgot it. I did not want anything extravigant, just a couple of hand made cards from my kids would have been perfect, but nothing. In light of the infidelity, this probably seems like much less of a deal. However the way I am looking at it as is that this proves she truly doesn't care about me, she just wants to stay with me cause it is easier for her (I take care of the kids, house, bills etc.). Am I making too much of this?

Answer 1

Hmmm.
Is it over between her and the other man??
I would like to congratulate you on putting your children first. Very admirable. I don't know if I could be that strong. It usually is the children that suffer the most.

But I must ask: Why do you think she had been unfaithful? Women generally have affairs of the heart, whereas men for the sex. Did you talk about it? I think, as hard as it is for you, you need to find out WHY she did this, how she feels about everything now and where she wants to be.

Maybe she is punishing you for something, maybe she is trying to give you a message, maybe she really did simply forget, you need to talk to her and find out. This net forum cannot do that for you, and as you have children involved you really need to give her the chance to explain.
Things cannot and will not improve between you two unless you find out where things went wrong.
Good luck.

Answer 2

I don't think you are making too much of this at all. You are right, she should be making more of an effort since she cheated on you. I don't think that this "proves" that she doesn't care about you but it does show that she has poor character. You should know her better than anybody, has she been different in other ways as well? Do you have sex often and are you the one to initiate it all the time? You should be noticing signs if any that your relationship could be deteriorating. If so, why should you be the sucker? Start noticing the things she does without you, is she going out with "friends" all the time? I know you want to save your marriage but don't be a fool.

Answer 3

Did u bring the subject of her cheating on u with her or is the feeling only unilateral? In any case, u r tying to make mountain of a mole. After all if u live with ur kids how cud they forget about ur birthday. Such things r discussed in the family regularly and plans made. U cannot blame her alone. It seems that cordiality is missing in ur family as a whole.

Answer 4

No,,,,, Wives never "forget" birthdays.....She does not love you and is trying to get to you to take the initiative and file for divorce. That way she can claim to be the wronged party and try to take you to the cleaners in the settlement.
Do what you want, but find out why your wife cheated if you can. That info will help you make up your mind and may prevent problems later whether or not you divorce or stay together...

Answer 5

I think she should have made an effort to do something for you for your birthday!
You are a good man for forgiving her when she cheated but, Maybe it was not the best thing to do.If she does not want to make an effort to make the marriage work , Maybe you should just cut your losses now. She might just want to stay because you take care of her. Don't give her a free ride!

Best of luck to you and your kids!

Answer 6

You know exactly whats going on. She obviously has something going on even now. You have been with her long enough to have three children...she knows your birthday. You are not her priority. Her family as a whole is no longer her priority. I know you want to the right thing for the family..for the children, but don't let them think this is how a family should be. Go on with your life. Enjoy it with your kids in tow. She doesn't deserve you.Let her go. Trust me you will be better off

Answer 7

OUCH! No you are not over reacting. Maybe she is filled with guilt and thought if she went out of her way it would be like pretending nothing happened. But either way ya cut the cake ..... she screwed up. And I give ya props for giving her a second chance. You are stronger than I am. I would have booted her butt and continued to take care of the house and kids. Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice,shame on me. Good luck (may the force be with ya).

Answer 8

You should have let go of the ties when she was proving unfaithful to you . When someone is unfaithful to their spouse, its because really deep down inside they Want to get caught, they love someone else, and no longer care about their spouses feelings.
You need to take the step and maybe file for a divorce, Im sorry you had to deal with this. But Your kids need PARENTS, not just people who live together but dont show LOVE.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Answer 9

Sounds like she is not all the way back.
I think I might point out that that behavior ( forgetting birthdays) is also insulting and shows a lack of regard.
I think that normally I would be upset but in this case I think I would show her the door.
By the way , keep the kids.

Answer 10

she's mad at you -very mad- what have you done to cause this before the cheating. you are making yourself out to be a saint but trust me she's trying to get you back .here's a little insight women test men. all of the time she's doing this to you as we speak. take control of your life she wants a man not what your being. she feels that your not living up to your part of the deal .how are you in bed-are you an addict of something- look at your life would you say that she respected you now she doesn't .it really does take two to mess stuff up.