I have been with my boyfriend 3 year i have a little girl from a past relationship. my little girl calls my partner daddy and loves him so much and he loves her. my little girls real dad used to see her from time to time when he could b bothered. the last year or so there has been countless times he said he was coming to take her out then would not turn up not even a phone call to say why. he has even told me that his priorities lie with his new girlfriend. she is 3 now and the last time asked to take her out i told her she was going and he didnt turn up again, and all day she was asking when she was going out with him. he has never gave me a penny towards looking after her. So i told him that he could see her no more And now he keeps texting saying that he wants to b a dad to her and that i have no right. i just dont want it messing my little girl up. she doesnt even really know who he is just someone who takes her out once in while. Wot should i do?
2007-02-27 22:25:04 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
you have every right. youve given him chance after chance to be father and he hasnt bothered....as soon as you've taken her away he's suddenly got an interest just out of principle.
perhaps you should look into having your partner adopt her as his own, or get a solicitor to draw you up a custody agreeement with the father. you should feel good that you gave him the chance, atleast you havent denied your little girl that. hes let her down, not you. well done! xxxx
2007-02-27 23:13:01 · answer #1 · answered by hana woo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are already some excellent answers there, and I agree with Liz. Give him the opportunity to see her and if he doesn't show up at the end of the day its his loss, but you'll have the peace of mind to say. "I never stopped him from seeing you" On the other hand I can totally understand that you dont want your little girl messed up over it, right now she's still young enough not to really care either way. What I have done in the past is just not say anything, then if he does turn up its a nice surprise for her. But, give him a deadline time, if he isn't there by then then go out and get about what you normally would be doing, dont put yours or your families life on hold for him 'maybe' turning up. Good Luck! Some people just dont know what they're missing out on do they
2007-02-27 22:41:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i went threw the same thing time and time again my ex left my son crying at the door wondering where his daddy was you have tried and tried to get this man involved with his daughter and time and time again he has let you both down i learned that you cant make someone want to be a dad so no he is hurting you wee girl and the older she gets the more hurt she will have let her decide when she is older but now you are her mum and you have to protector who cares what he or other people think you are her mum and you know best she already has a daddy she doesn't need a bad one good luck
2007-02-27 23:00:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
By law he has the right to see her. But he does not have the right to mess up this little girls life. If he's not gonna be a part of her life on a regular basis, do whatever you have to to keep him out. Take him up for child support, make him pay for the right to see her. If he doesn't pay he won't see her. If he does pay, he will. Thats kinda your security. I took my ex up for child support and had it put in that if he doesn't pay, he has no contact. Never heard from him again. He has rights, but so does your daughter. She has the right to a normal life. And it sounds to me like she has a real daddy right there with her now.
s
2007-02-27 22:48:12 · answer #4 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he was that bothered about seeing her let him take you to court that way you will both know where u stand. You should tell her who he is though, I was in the same situation 20 years ago and I gave my daughters father an ultimatum he chose not to see her. My husband then adopted her and we had to tell her the truth so we did it by writing a story book with her about her life in as simple terms as we could. She has met her real father , but still considered my husband (although ex now) her dad and he has never let her down. good luck x
2007-02-27 22:30:40 · answer #5 · answered by squawinpants 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's strange that now you have denied him access, he wants to see her! Obviously he wants what he cannot have. However, your priority is to do what is right for your daughter and to have her emotions see-sawing like this is very damaging.
I'd give your boyfriend one last chance - write down a schedule of dates in the future when he comes to see her. Get his agreement on these dates and tell him that he must stick to them - this means he must put them in the diary and cannot cancel them (unless for an emergency, of course). And make sure he sticks to them. If he doesn't, then you will carry out your threat to deny him all access. He won't have an excuse to forget to come and see your daughter, and hopefully they can rebuild the relationship which your daughter values so much.
However, if he continues to mess up and doesn't turn up then, regretfully, your daughter's emotional welfare comes first and you should spare her the distress of these missed visits, and get him out of your life.
good luck.
2007-02-27 23:04:24 · answer #6 · answered by gorgeousfluffpot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its not about you ,,,its not about him and its not about what the little girl wants...its what the law says.
if you say no you could set yourself up for a lot of trouble and heartache.
i know from experience a court and some lawyer could twist everything where you are the bad guy and make you turn over partial or complete custody to him..it has happened..just be prepared legally if you stop him from visiting his biological daughter..it proabably won't happen but you could be sued and lose a lot of rights you have now...he may be setting you up..the law is strange and a lawyer can twist the truth ...so beware.
2007-02-27 22:32:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Make the lewser pay child support for one. If he says he wants to see her, dont tell her about it. If he shows then he shows. No matter how big of an ahole he is, thats still her dad. Its a bad example to set to tell her he's coming and he doesnt show. She might pick up that habit because its ok for him to do it.
You might toss out that he is wasting your time by setting up these things and not following through. How it gives the wrong example to her.
Did i also mention, the lewser should pay for child support. If he doesnt volunteer to do it, you can go to the court and they will for him. They'll even have a convenient direct withdrawl method from his paycheck. Even if you dont need the money, put it in an account for her college or something.
2007-02-27 22:29:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I would go see a LAW and see what can be done about it and if he have pay penny to help you out that he would not come around and see her and he don"t want to be a good Dad he is full of bull
2007-02-27 22:36:39 · answer #9 · answered by EVA J 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that she has a daddy figure now.He has no legal right.He never payed child support.Id leave it like that.He had chosen his gf before.Now choose your man.He is a loser.Dont confuse the child,,she is happy now with the daddy figure.Your x bf is s.o.l.
2007-02-27 22:30:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋