Help, my husband acts like he's single?

Question

Hi, I have been married for 5 months but together 4 years, since we've married its like everything has changed.
It feels like we hardly do anything together, he is always on his computer sometimes all eve, or he is out & about, I have just found out recently he is still in touch with an ex (which he told me was a mates girlfriend for years) he will not speak to her with me around and says I am to blame as I have been jealous in the past!?!?
He is so secretive over his mobile phone and even takes it to the bathroom with him.
He gets so mad when I bring any of this up, he says im making it up in my head, I need to trust him, Im exagerating.He generally get mad a lot and blames me for everything even if the cat is sick in the house.
Any favours I ask him are massive chores and usually he gets mad about it. Last night he returned from a friends and admitted using drugs.
There are pics of naked women on his computer.
Is this emotional/varbal abuse? I feel like his mother not wife!

Answer 1

i dont for one second think any of this your fault. he's acting very suspicious for a man with nothing to hide.you probably had cause to be jealous in the past,if he's not cheating why is he being so secretive?if you know the girl involved talk to her yourself. if she is just a friend fine but it sounds as if he's stringing both of you along.it seems strange that it's only since you got married or is it the case it's only now you've noticed it? if he thought you were jealous before why get married, sorry there seems to a lot of unaswered questions here. he seems very childish and selfish.when my husband had an affair he tried to blame me for not giving him the attention he thought he deserved!!!i was never jealous or suspicious of him before in fact people told me i gave him too much space.we are on the mend now but the trust has been broken and if it wasnt for my kids i wouldnt have even thought about trying to sort things out.please dont let him bully you or belittle you into thinking you're to blame. hopefully it will turn out he's not cheating just trying to wind you up but you need to know before things get any worse. why did he split up with this girl to start with? id make a point of telling him i want answers now not blame just answers.men are greedy and often think they deserve to have cake and eat it too.if your husband truly loves you and he knows what he's doing upsets you he should be man enough to break all ties with this ex... if the shoe was on the other foot im not sure he'd be so understanding. the drugs and the naked women are also strange... if he's not deleting the pics its maybe to see how far you are willing to go before you really do crack.he wants you to know....please respect yourself and do whats best for you. if that means leave then do it,if it means you want to stay its up to you to decide what you want from your marriage. good luck x

Answer 2

The thing I would do since you're the blame for everything, take a two or three days not asking or saying anything and find out if you can on your own. Look through papers and through the computer when he's not around and look for clues. If he talks in his sleep or can talk to him when he's asleep, you can get the answers that way too. But watch him carefully because somewhere along the line he will mess up, and then if you find the answer you knew was there but just didn't want to listen, then I'd ask for a divorce and take my chances to see waht happens when you mention this word. He might act like the husband again and then there is a chance he'll get violen but finally let you have the divorce anyway.

Answer 3

He's cheating on you! Two he is taking you for granted! Three he is messed up! Four he is subconciously blaming you! You need to sit down and talk to him and tell him not to be so defensive, if this don't work out, please leave because you might end up being very unhappy with him as you are already right now. You sound very nice maybe overly nice to him that he's walking all over you like a doormat, I think you deserve a better person to spend your life with. Good luck!

Answer 4

Dear few days back i was also passing d same thing,U will not believe when he used to sleep keeping his mobile under his head pillow,i used to hang around him to try to take out d mobile.One day a checked his sms,mms,incomming calls ,out going calls, even his mobile bills 4 d statements.I followed him every where .I was really going mad,i ,myself also start to take drugs inorder to 4get everything but trust me i was wrong it was just a missunderstanding between us nothing else.'an ideal brain is a devils workshop'.try to keep urself busy with something,let ur husband realise that u have changed ,give him some space .If still this doesnt work ?then suddenly u follow him n catch him red handed,like this u can decide better weither u can stay with him or divorce him.

Answer 5

Well anytime your significant other is hiding things and using drugs you might have a problem on your hands. I do believe guys should be able to talk to other girls and ex's without any hassle from their wife as long as he is open about his friendship. But, in your case it seems like your hubby is going about all the things the wrong way and stirring drugs in the mix doesn't sound like a recipe for a successful marriage.

Answer 6

I don't think it's abuse... these are classic signs that a man is having an affair... especially if there are charges on his credit card for a hotel, ESPECIALLY when he hasn't been out-of-town for business. I'm sorry to hear this, hun. Some guys (and women, too) change for the worse after marriage.

Answer 7

to prevent him from going else where make sure he is getting what he wants and needs from home. Be sexy for him, let him know you appreciate the things he does (guys need to hear that like we need to hear we are loved and beautiful) don't ask him a million questions when he gets home. And definitely don't blow his phone up all day. Don't accuse him of cheating if you're not for certain, it will just make him want to after a while. Give him his space just make sure he is completely satisfied and he will make sure you are. He may be acting this way b/c it might be deeper than that and he just doesn't know how to come to you about it, he may be stressed about things you don't even know about. Just b/c he said he did drugs doesn't mean he did he probably didn't. You just gotta figure him out. Sometimes you just have to learn how to reach him. They are difficult creatures. You should get some time away. Arguing with him won't do a thing. But you should not sit there and take it, just pray about it. Best Wishes

Answer 8

To me, if you wanted something you have to give up something. Such as, when you got married you have to give up your single life. But to me, it seems like your husband had gain someone on the side as he is marrying to you. Enough evidence that he is cheating on you. Who in needed to take the phone with them all the time when they are using the bathroom. Check his phone bill see who he has been calling, and who is called him ? If you have to go through this everyday w/him.I considered this is amotional abuse.

Answer 9

well im kind a going threw the same thing.i get to the point of wanting to do myself in so i dont have to feel the pain anymore,
im sick of being blamed so he can justifind his self,or snaps me for no reason and ect.
but i keep telling myself hes not worth it.........so im just going to treat him as he does me...maybe then he will wake up and if it dont work then i surpose hes just not good eough for me.i hope it works out for the both us .good luck

Answer 10

He is not being honest for what ever the reasons whether its drugs or women and in my opinion and experience without trust and honesty marriage is impossible to maintain.