how do you put a mother in law in her place without making your husband mad?

Question

My husband lost his father to a violent death when he was 6. I understand the struggle she went through to raise and protect him, but, damn she's got to cut the strings. We live kitty corner from her in the family(her other home). Lucky me! She is overbearing and nosy. She thinks she has the right to tell me how to live my life and it gets pretty bad. I've been with hubby for 15 years and we have 5 kids. She always seems to override me with decision making for them too. My hubby and I get into some pretty bad arguements. I'm sure he sees it as an attack on her, but I just want to live my life. If I need parenting, i'll call my parents. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

You need to tell your hubby that you are sick and tired of his mom telling you what to do first off.
Secondly maybe its time to move somewhere far from mom's
prying eye and control.
Thirdly you have to tell her that her being so nosy and bossy is causing friction within your relationship with her son and if she doesn't stop you may be forced to divorce him because you can't take the stress and her crap anymore.
Lastly tell her you have a mom and if you want anything, help or
guidance you will go to her and that she has no right to treat you this way you have given her 5 grandchildren if anything she should be kissing your feet and thanking you for being such a devoted and caring mother to her grandchildren and wife to her son. God Bless and Good Luck I feel you may need it sometimes you just have to move away just make things work
make the distance between you farther and things may just get better.

Answer 2

this a tough one. why dont you take her out for a meal/drink ,just the two you.get her talking about family matters eventually getting round to the fact that you often feel a bit put out sometimes when she doesnt respect your wishes regarding your children.it doesnt have to be a critism of her, just explain that you love her dearly and respect her opinions occasionally but ultimately decisions regarding your kids have to be made between you and your husband. it seems you perhaps resent your husband being so close to her but you could use that to your advantage. encourage her to be more active with the kids(taking them for the day) while you have well deserved quality time with your man. buy her flowers let her know she's important too. she sounds very lonely and interfering in your life is all she knows.get her involved in organising kids birthdays etc. i bet she'd be over the moon. you dont have to be in competition with her... you might find once you treat her as a friend rather than a nuisance you'll like her.you dont sound a pushover so stick to your guns without actually resorting to being nasty. if you include her and stop feeling threatened by her it will make everyones life easier. i bet the kids feel the tension too.

Answer 3

I would talk to my husband about his mother, I sure you have, but maybe moving would be a better solution. She would not have a much freedom or access to your home or family if you moved further away. But serious, Dr.Phil had a show about a mother that live next door, as your does and the boundaries that need to be in place for grandma. I think grandma needs some boundaries and your husband needs to talk to his mother about these boundaries. It's not that you don't want her around, just not being a mother to you and your children. She needs to respect your decisions with your children, after all you are there mother, not her, she is your husband's mother, not yours or your children's. This is another one of those boundaries that need to be put in place. If grandma can't respect the boundaries, then grandma will be ask to go home and will have less access to her grandchildren. Boundaries, BOUNDARIES, BOUNDARIES, they need to be put in place and respected by everyone involved. God Bless and Good Luck.

Answer 4

Gee, you've lived 15 years of this so far? Well, your still married that ought to say something. She still hasn't won!! The thing is, your husband needs to realize who he's going to be bedding down with each night! Who he has been sleeping with every night!Sure NOT mommy dear!!As for the kids, she needs to mind her own business! Your the one who went through the child birth, not her, nor your husband! What's up with you being so nice? Don't you feel you have any self-worth? Well, let me be the first one to tell you -YOU DO! How you feel, and what YOU think does matter, and should be respected. Those who do not treat you like you want, need to keep their distance. PERIOD!! When you marry, your spouse comes first, than your children. Sorry to hear about your husbands father, but that is not your husbands fault, nor yours! So, his mother needs to find something else in her life to vent her energy on. You need to stand by what you say, and start to love yourself more. You and your husband are setting an example for your children, does he realize this? Does he honestly think they don't see and hear what's going on around them? Well, they do! By the way, it's not healthy! For example Disrespect is a huge characteristic, and he sure has set a bad example of that. I hope you look deeper into your gut, and find your way!

Answer 5

First you need to respect the elderly especially when she's your mom-in-law. Have a one-on-one chat with her and let her know your frustrations. Seek her advice on how to move forward without her interferring too much in your parenting role. Perhaps she's not aware of your frustrations. Whatever happens, you need to be consious that she's your mom-in-law thus a little respect would go a long way. More importantly, be patient.

Answer 6

It's not going to change while you are so accessible. Let's face it it's been happening for too long already.
You can have a quiet 'word' with your mother in law - all smiles and clenched teeth (Desperate Houswives style Lol!) ending with 'I'm glad we understand each other a little better after our talk'
.... or simply move! This option may seem expensive and drastic but I think it's really the only thing that's truly going to work permanently and long-term.

Answer 7

I think you should move from the town or city you are in to another town.. not to far away but 2 far for her to drive 2 every day like 50-60 miles.. Tell your husband ur thoughts and make him listen.. This is not only hurting you its hurting ur kids becuz they are not getting proper family structure they see 2 women that they love fighting alot and thats not healthy trust me and you dont want them to turn on you or her.. Which can cause family problems when they become adults trust me! My mom had to move from my grandma becuz my grandma fought with her everyday and now they dont even talk! Good luck!

Answer 8

Try to be respectful and mindful that she is a elder and tell her that you appreciate her opinions but that you are fully caple of making these decessions on your own. Trust me I know this is a tough area. I go through it sometimes because my wife's mom is a Director for a huge company and very successful. Sometimes I feel she is always trying to control everything. Everytime she comes over she always points out things we need to fix, it drives me mad but I love her and she has done lot's for my wife and me so sometimes I suck it up and try to be respectful.

Answer 9

Get some counseling....
It is your husbands place to protect and stand up for YOU.

Move if you can

Gosh your poor kids stuck in the middle. Can you imagine what you adults are teaching them?

Answer 10

you need to move from that house and away from that place. and talk to your husband about it. If it comes to shove, tell him to choose between you and his mother