Do you know anyone?

Question

that is passive-agressive? Friends OR family? How do you deal with them?

Answer 1

My ex-wife was passive aggressive. Obviously, by the fact that she is now my ex means I didn't deal with it very well...

She would do little things such as turn a porch light off when I came home late from work, serve cold dinner (when she was an excellent and attentive cook), etc... Nothing that was direct but rather little things which made it clear that she was upset.

I was actually to blame for the divorce after 14 years of marriage, and our first 10 years were pretty good IMHO. I took her for granted, didn't spend enough quality time with her, nor did I listen to her. There were no affairs, no violence or abuse, no real money problems - just a marriage that gradually slipped away from me and by the time I realized it was in serious trouble, it was too late.

I found out when I came home from work one night and there was a dark empty house and a note on the table. That's the M.O. of a passive aggressive person, someone who avoids face to face conversation and any kind of direct approach.

Today I'm re-married to someone who is completely different and extremely direct. That too can be a challenge, but it's better to me than being kept in the dark. I have no friends or co-workers that I know of who are passive-aggressive now and I'd like to keep it that way as I believe they are the toughest group to deal with.

In my years of marriage to a P-A person, I found the most effective way to prevent the behavior was simply to give them lots of attention and positive reinforcement for good behavior, which seems to be what they want. My ex was the youngest in her family with a strong older brother and a very strong domineering mother. She did not have much of an opportunity to be heard and may have learned this behavior as a way to get attention. It may have even worked for her as a child.

Obviously the first step towards helping a P-A individual is to get them to realize that they are this way. They themselves may not even acknowledge or realize that the behavior is deliberate so this can be very difficult. Once they do, I'm sure therapy will help but it can sure be tough on those close to them in the meantime.

Many people mistakenly assume that passive-aggression means docile one minute and hostile and violent the next. This is actually not true. True P/A's show their anger through quiet action and revenge - not by direct confrontation. My ex was actually a very quiet, reserved and demure person. She would express her anger in passive ways (hence the term) - not through loud or violent behavior.

Answer 2

hi,
this is a very difficult personality to deal with... you never know which mood will arrive or when, there's no rhyme or reason. when they are passive, it can be aggravating but when they are aggressive, it can be unnerving. it can become hostile. we can pick our friends but not our family. love those in your family but you can't help your friends. they need to get help on their own, such as treatment. if you choose to stand by a friend that is in treatment...that's fine... but otherwise, you cannot save them from this disorder. stay safe and compassionate. good luck!

Answer 3

Yes, and how I deal with them, is simply, you dont. If you allow yourself to tie into their constant mood swings, you'll go nuts, so let them be good when theyre good, but when they flip on you, walk away and dont let it bother you. These people, unfortunately, you learn you cannot depend on ever for your own emotional support.

Answer 4

i eagerly await all the answers to this question coz i donot have one either. and did not know i wanted to ask this too..thanks you

Answer 5

(L)
first family then only friends.

Answer 6

I like to use an excessive amount of sarcasm....

Answer 7

THAT'S ME & TRUTH