I am married and still in love with my ex-boyfriend. What should I do?

Question

I am married but, I still keep in contact with my ex-boyfriend. Who I am in love with. I feel myself thinking about him more and more each day. Wondering what it would be like to be with him again. We have stop talking in the past but, we find ourselves missing each other and start talking again.

Answer 1

Get your head out of the clouds and get it back into your marriage where it belongs. You are absolutely doing your husband a disservice. If you want to be with your ex so bad, end it with your husband and do this. Remember though, the ex is an ex for a reason. If things were so wonderful, you two would have been together.

How would you feel if your husband pulled this on you?

Answer 2

Grow up and break off all contact with him. You had already split with the ex once and it will happen again.

You committed to another and now it is time you spend your energy on repairing this relationship and forget the ex.

I assume there is something missing in your marriage, so rather than go elsewhere try to resolve it with your husband.

Stop living in the fantasy land that tells you there is someone better especially a someone you split with previously and act like a mature married woman and work on your marriage with the man you were willing to marry and has stayed with you.

Answer 3

The grass is always greener... blah, blah, blah. It's true in most situations though.

You broke up with your ex for a reason. It's easy to forget all the annoying, bad stuff, and just remember all the good things about someone, or a relationship. It would not take long for all those negative memories to come back if you got back with him. Then where would you be?

You married your husband for a reason. You must have seen something in him that you didn't see in anyone else you dated. Try to remember what that was, and be honest about why you left your ex. If you are uncertain, don't make a decision until you know.

Of course you are going to have crushes on other people while you're married. It is human nature to. It's not something to feel guilty about. You just need to acknowledge that no matter who you are with there will always be someone you catches your eye or someone that you "could" see yourself being married to etc.

You have to know that that is a part of every marriage, and that what makes the difference is that you don't let yourself get into a situation where that crush could lead to more, which it sounds like you have done already.

It is very tempting to have that excitement of dating someone back. But, it too will fade, your lives together will become mundane and you will lose interest in each other once in a while.

Any marriage is going to have passionate phases, phases where you are like room mates, phases where you will have crushes on other people, phases where you doubt that you should be together, phases where you think you have fallen out of love etc. This is life. Humans are not monogamous by nature. It isn't natural for us, which is why it takes so much work to stay married. The reason people stay married is out of a sense of friendship and commitment. Sometimes security, safety, fear of lonliness, companionship etc. It is not because of passion or sex, or the wondeful feelings of romantic love. Those things don't last forever. They may come and go in a marriage but they aren't going to be a constant fixture in any long term marriage.

So, your feelings for your ex are most likely a foolish fantasy that you are following up on, and getting caught up in, which is why you are confused. You have taken it a dangerous step further than you ever should have.

Now, on the other hand. If you are genuinely unhappy with your husband, and realistically know that you should be with your ex, then there is nothing wrong with doing that, as long as you are honest. Sometimes we do marry the wrong person. Sometimes we fall out of love, or into love with someone else. Sometimes we don't strive for a long term marriage because of all of the struggles involved. There are pros and cons to everything in life. But you only have one life, and you need to make yourself happy. Yes, you will devastate your husband if you dump him for your ex, but you will not do anyone any favors if you stay with him out of guilt.

You deserve to be happy. My advice would be to take time away from your ex. Get him out of your head for a while, and see what's up with your marriage. Sit down and write a pro and con list about both of them, so that you can think about things more rationally instead of emotionally. And in the end, do what's right for you. Forget everyone else's feelings, because you are the one who can make yourself happy. Don't live your life to please anyone else.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Well, did you not realise that when you got married it was meant for life? If you're American, I can accept that you didn't know as an excuse given all things. Well, you did. Now you may love your ex-bf, but you married your husband, so do one of two things. Do the dishonouralbe thing and divorce your husband for your ex-bf or do the honourable thing and love your husband and tell your ex that it's over now that you're married and cut him out of your life for good. I doubt Americans care much about honour though! Your poor husband, you cheated him on your wedding day!

Answer 5

OHMYGOODNESS..yes! i know exactly how you feel. this is normal. no matter what these people say about 'get your head outta the clouds,' 'grow up,' 'have a threesome...please, do not listen to that.

you are married to your husband now. love him. appreciate him.

ive been married for a year and april, and i have talked to my mother about this as well as other women. its natural.

ive dreamed about my first love more since ive been married, hes contacted me, ive done the same - whatever - the fact still remains we are married and we have GOT to respect that. the past is the past. now is now hon.

i know its hard but try not to entertain those thoughts. its hard..im goin through it too.

just love youove yourself, love your husband, and make affirmations (speak outloud) and reiterate how much you love your husband and you do not want to cheat on him or think about anyone else.

i know this is helping me.

youll be fine. ;) be encouraged.

Answer 6

Grow up. Either you want to be married or you don't. You can't have your cake and eat it, too. If you think it will work with your ex, then do the right thing and let your husband go so he can have a wife who is committed to him.

Answer 7

whom do u think r u betraying? ur ex-boyfriend? ur husband or urself?
if u seriously wanna get out of this then simply break the relationship with him dont say that u r just being friends with him again u thinking wrong.
leave him immediately b4 ur husband finds this out and ends up onto something really bad. god doesnt give second opportunity to all. u r lucky. avail it and get over it.

Answer 8

i have been married since last 7 yrs and mother of 2 I have been touch with my ex , but the good thing is that we just friends now ..........i mean freinds only
we talk we chat we meeet but i have never betrayed my husband's trust and feeling nor he has gone agianst his wife'z wishes now he is alos expecting his second child soon
so i feel good so does he and our families too
i think it is not wrong if u can practice restrain and keep ur families trust towards u

Answer 9

You should give your husband a little respect and end your marriage before it gets worse. You are acting incredibly selfish right now. If you love someone else, your marriage is a sham. Don't drag out the inevitable.

Answer 10

Yes, the ones who can't make the commitment and left are put on the pedestal and can never do wrong. The ones who sacrifice and be there for you gets punished cause you see him everyday.