My husband is always complaining that I don't have time for him and that I am never in the "mood". I am always so exhausted at the end of he day that I don't feel like having sex. This is the last thing I have in mind...he feels dejected and hurt everytime he tries to come close to me.....what can I do? I am always sleep deprived and look for short naps during the day and try to go to bed early. My relationship with my husband is going down the drain and I can't help it. I love him very much and want him to be happy in this relationship...why can't he understand?
2007-02-27 17:20:19 · 16 answers · asked by Nancy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to make time for him if you love him, that is what he needs. Guys need sex to feel like they are loved and accepted. You seem to be able to make all the time in the world for your kids, and to be on the computer. Use the computer time to be with you husband. Isn't a little less sleep a little better than a divorce? You have the power here, if you need counseling get it.
2007-02-27 17:29:58 · answer #1 · answered by Chachito 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to take a break together away from the kids and work.
The only way this is going to resolve is to find ways to make it work. Get a sitter or the gandparents if posssible to take the kids for the weekend and have a nice little getaway. Make it romantic
the first night just relax find a place with a hottub and just let the stress and everything melt away the next night have a very x-Rated evening take your time enjoy each other you have all the time and no worries of kids barging in. Your husband must understand that just because you are not having sex it doesn't mean you do not love him have him trade tasks for a day like on his weekend you relax and watch TV and he takes care of the kids and the house work he will see why you are so exhausted at the end of the day and shouldn't feel rejected since he will see what your day consists of and how busy you are. Most people will agree that raising children and being a stay at home parent is
way harder then the 9-5 jobs out in the big city plus it is the most unappreciated one as well.
2007-02-28 02:53:25 · answer #2 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your problem is not an unusual one and I understand how you feel. He may not see it because he is not doing all the work you are doing in the home. I do think you need to make time for one another, ask your parents or his to take the kids for the weekend and go to a hotel, spend some time alone with him and enjoy yourselves. You also need to sit down with him during this time and tell him how you feel, ask him to help out around the house. Even if you try to make time for the two of you once a month it will help things alot. Find yourself a good baby sitter and start getting away from the kids once in awhile. I think you will find that you arn't nearly as exhausted as you were before.
2007-02-28 01:28:02 · answer #3 · answered by Kevin J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex is an important part of life. You should stop worrying so much about whether or not your boys shirts are bleached their whitest, making the perfect diner for your family or whether or not the kitchen is spotless because these things do not matter at all. Order out pizza or eat mac and cheese, wash the whites with the colours and enjoy a house that looks a little lived in. Spend some time on yourself relaxing and investing in your sex life. That means alone time to masturbate and fantasize as well as making time to spend with your husband. Hire a baby sitter once a week to go out with your husband at night. Your husband feels this way because you are ignoring him and putting other less important things higher on your priority list than your relationship!
2007-02-28 01:27:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I also have two children and have struggled with this. One thing that helped was explaining to my husband that the things that used to be "turn ons" have changed. For example, I would much rather have a 30 minute uninterrupted nap than lingerie or flowers. There is nothing sexier to me than when he does the laundry (especially if I didn't have to ask him!)
Remember that men communicate with touch, women communicate with words. So give him a hug from behind while he's washing dishes, rub his shoulders when you walk past, run your fingers through his hair in the car, that type of thing. Plus, there are other things you can do that are less energy intensive and still are more satisfying for him....
You also could try explaining to him that your lack of desire has nothing to do with him-it is not a rejection of him-you are just worn out.
2007-02-28 01:52:11 · answer #5 · answered by n2mama 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im not sure how old your boys are however have you considered getting help with the caretaking responsibilities? a daycare or family babysitter. hopefully you haven't begun to feed off of each others frustration yet. I suppose your husband works fulltime still is he willing for the sake of your marriage to go the exta mile and assume those responsibilites to allow you recovery time, a time we all need. just a few hours on a regular bases each week . Are you taking adequate health care of yourself; vitamins, maybe an early morning yoga session .Crazy as that may sound still exercse increases strength and stamina. Ever consider pastoral remedies? You'll find they have vast wealth of patience and strength that you can draw from. best wishes for you and yours.
2007-02-28 01:53:39 · answer #6 · answered by ____ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need your rest, and your husband needs your closeness. This is tough with kids, but you really HAVE to arrange for a sitter to watch the kids while you get some sleep. Then, at least once every couple of weeks, do something simple with him, like watch a good movie on the tube and arrange for some alone time with him after the kids are sleeping.
2007-02-28 01:26:31 · answer #7 · answered by Jolly 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen do your best to try to please him. When you have children to take care of and get worn out then you can feel exhausted. I have been there and all you can do is your best then if he can't accept that maybe he should play with himself. I had sex with my 1st. Ex when i was so tired i don't know how i managed then when the children got older and we could get it on more he cheated. Sometimes being a woman is rough. I hope you can get in the mood for the sake of your marriage. Even when you give them your best efforts your heart can be totally crushed. SO PLEASE get your self in the MOOD and do the best you can. Talk to him about how you feel. Communication is so very important. Good luck with your love. Do the best that you can.
2007-02-28 01:42:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all how old are your boys? Second, if he wants you to be in the mood and doesn't want you to be sleep deprived he needs to help you out more. While you are taking a bubble and relaxing he can clean up the boys and send them to bed and when you get out of the bath the boys are asleep and he can have romantic music and he can give you a sensual massage. I had to do this with my hubby to get him to understand that i need sometime to get relaxed and sleep since being a mother is 24-7. we can't clock out . good luck
2007-02-28 01:27:57 · answer #9 · answered by mommyoftwo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing I can say is try FlyLady.net it is great! Please it even has a date night and has control journals for your boys. I used to work 12 hour shifts 5 to 6 days a week, had maybe 3 hours of sleep a night, 30 hours of homework and had a toddler. My mom told me about FlyLady and it's all about routines and I suggest trying that.
2007-02-28 01:50:54 · answer #10 · answered by blondie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋