How to stop my own violence?

Question

I have come to learn that I am a violent person, I think violently, and sometimes act it out. I really just want to repress these thoughts and live a violence free life. How can I get better on my own (without counseling) and stop having these violent thoughts. Its weird sometimes I want to be mean to my wife and animals, later I regret it.

Answer 1

Get a punching bag and sweat it out every morning. listen to music afterwards. Am planning to buy one too. :)

Answer 2

Try some anger management techniques if you are just having problems controlling your temper.

Also......

There is actually a rage disorder which is related to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, where your brain gets stuck in attack mode. They are part of a broader spectum of disorders called impulse-control disorders. You can tell if you have this if the rage just pops out of nowhere and you feel like you are going to bite someone's head off for no good reason. You are not nuts or bad, just that a part of your brain is misfiring. You probably already know this, but be careful because you can get yourself in trouble. Try promising yourself that you won't snap at anyone and giving yourself plenty of personal "chill" time, where you are alone and can relax till you get things to a manageable point. Maybe read a magazine you like or something.

Counseling is the best treatment for this, but since you are trying to avoid that, there are supplements that may help.

Valerian, St. Johns Wort, and 5-HTP are a few that are used to help such issues. Valerian mellows you out, St. Johns Wort and 5-HTP do the same thing as Zoloft or Prozac, except naturally and without a prescription. They need a few weeks to kick in, though, and you may need to play with the dosages a little bit.

Plus try some control techniques. You can probably google these and find one that works for you. There are also some self help cognitive therapies you can try out, where you literally reprogram your brain. But you have to be patient, don't expect results overnight.

Answer 3

You're already well on the way to correcting/change. Once someone is aware of, and can acknowledge they have a problem they're on their way to healing.

Can you learn to pinpoint the exact moment when you BEGIN to feel uncomfortable? That is a crucial moment. Be aware of the physical changes your body will go through. Does your pulse race? Does your heart race? Do you feel your face getting red? Can you feel your muscles tense up?

Whatever your individual stress signals are, that is the moment to STOP. Say to yourself, this is troubling me. When you are feeling ok - long before the above reactions begin to happen, prepare a list of things you can do when those danger signals happen.

Can you punch a pillow? Go for a fast run? Take a brisk shower? The most helpful thing of all is to take pen and paper and to write what's bothering you at this very moment. Just getting it out of your brain and captured onto a paper - which has a boundary around it, is very very helpful and will help to relieve the stressors that lead to inappropriate actions.

I know you said you don't want counselling, but please consider that. Sometimes it's hard to find the right counsellor, but if you persevere you will find help. You don't want to continue doing or feeling things you will regret and possibly be punished for.

Good luck.

Answer 4

I wish I could tell you how to do it, without counciling. I don't like counciling either. But there's something you need to seriously think about, man..... if you truly love your wife ( and your animals) then you love them enough to do ANYTHING to keep from hurting them. And if you think you have the tendency to cause them harm, then you have to do what is necessary to prevent that. And if that means getting to the root of the problem, such as through professional counciling, you'd better do it. I don't see why your wife should suffer physical harm from you because right now you can't control yourself. If you care for her, be a man, and do the right thing. Go get some help.

Best wishes.

Answer 5

Have you talked with someone about this? A doctor, counselor? Its very good that you recognize that these feelings are not normal - if you didnt, that would mean an even bigger problem. If you dont want to see a professional, I would suggest reading some self-help books and maybe try meditation. But seriously, just a couple sessions with someone could give you alot of tools to work with to overcome this and have some peace in your life. After all, you deserve it and so does you family.

Answer 6

It takes too much energy to waste the time being mean. I can be mean to my wife, I figure, she ain't gonna get no prettier, for all the effort. That'll be up to her.
The only instances where I have found it neccessary to be violent. That is in self-defense and and the need to protect the people around me from violence. It is not that hard to channel violence toward restraining violence.

Answer 7

I recommend you get counseling immediately. Check with your doctor to see if there are any free or reduced rate clinics he/she can recommend. The fact that you want to be mean to your wife should be setting off alarm bells in your mind. You need to get to the bottom of the hostilities, not work them off. Do it before you do something you cannot undo. Unless you have a degree in psychiatry, psychology or psychotherapy, you aren't qualified to diagnose and treat your problem. Besides, even doctors aren't supposed to treat their own medical conditions, because it's hard to be objective when you are the patient.

Answer 8

talk to people and when you feel like your going to be mean to someone walk away. take a walk by yourself and don't go back till you cool down. get a punching bag. i know you said no counseling but sometimes you need an outsider whom you don't know.