young, pregnant , possibly single....?

Question

I am nineteen will be twenty within a couple of weeks. I am pregnant. about four weeks, My boyfriend is tweenty three and already has a son who just turned 3. He does not have custody of his son but we do see him every weekend. When I went to my doctor two days ago and found out that I was def. pregnant , my boyfriend and I had a long talk . He says that he is not ready for another child right now. He is more or less trying to get me to have an abortion. I am against abortions, but maybe it is something that i should consider. but on the other hand , having a baby is suppose to be beautiful . It happened to me and i feet it is for a reason. My boyfriend and I have been arguing and i am looking at him in a totally different way that i thought i would never look at him . I have never been through this , he should be more suportive and he is not. We have been together for about 7 months. I need some advice.I think that ijust might want to raise the baby on my own i dont like howHEisACTIN

Answer 1

I'd give him more than 48 hours to buck up and be a man about it.

Not to excuse his behaviour; just don't give up on him so quickly. He might just be in a sort of shock.

Answer 2

I definitely feel for you, but I don't think you should consider an abortion.
Any parent can tell you that being a parent is stressful all the time, and it will be even more so for you if you have to do this alone.
But at the same time there is a reward in being a parent that you would not understand until your are one, watching a little being grow and learn, and feeling a love that will come over you that you would not have expected.
You also need to consider that as hard as it is, now that you are pregnant it's not just about your life and rights any more, but the child in you also has rights to live as well.
Hopefully the last thing I just said doesn't seem judgmental as I didn't intend it but it's the truth.

As far as the father goes, well I hope he matures and comes around to being a good father. But if he can't do that, then you need to be strong and do this alone, as you clearly are mature enough to see the importance's of this even if he can't.

This happened for a reason, just trust in that.

Answer 3

Only you can decide whether or not an abortion is right for you. If you are against it, then don't do it no matter what your boyfriend says! But please, don't have a baby just because it's supposed to be "beautiful." That's a terrible reason for having a baby -- especially one who is very likely to be born under difficult circumstances. I hope you have someone you can rely on to help you because it doesn't seem as if your boyfriend is mature enough to do so. The fact that he already has one child at his age and is unmarried and not responsible for the child is a big red flag.

If you have a supportive family who will help babysit so you can work and/or go to school, great! If not, please consider adoption. You can choose the family who your child will go to and the baby will be very much loved and wanted. It's probably not what you want to hear, but you made a very big decision when you chose to have unprotected sex (ever heard of AIDS? Chlamydia? Gonorrhea? Syphilis? Herpes?) and now you need to think of the baby first.

Good luck and aloha to you :)

Answer 4

Ok.. your situation is very hard but its easy to answer.
Firstly, take in consideration the abortion of this new baby that is now part of you.. WHY would you want to abort (Kill) a human being that will become part of you life and be someone that you will love all your life, and unlike your boyfriend will grow up to understand and become more suportive for a MOM lik you. Take in consideration that you are against abortions and there is always a way out of mistaken Pregnancy other them Aborting, for example Adoption and such things that wont effect your future and your relationship. Be sure that whatever you do, its your baby first and not your relationship with a uncosiderable Boyfriend that tryes to find the easy way of things. Think about why he doesnt have custody of his 3 year old son and why he and the little kids mom arent together... Do you want that to be ending up to you?
What matters more, a realtionship that can be over...
or someone that is now part of you in your Womb and will be your Son/Daughter... HOw lovely is that!
I guess that is all we can tell you, and the rest is up to you to decide, think of your morals and religion but mostly of choosing between Life and a relationship.

Answer 5

Right now he's kind of in shock about your pregnancy. Men get like that sometimes, even when you're married to them and it's your first baby (and theirs too). Give him a little while to calm down.

You're going to be the one who has to make the decision of whether or not to keep the pregnancy. Remember, it's not easy to raise a child on your own...but whether or not he wants the baby, he will have to pay child support. If you do have an abortion, the earlier it is done, the cheaper and safer it is. If you're not ready to be a parent but don't want an abortion, there's always adoption...people who adopt are usually pretty well-off, so your little one would grow up with everything he or she could want, and sometimes you can have an open adoption, where you get to visit the child, or get pictures from the adoptive parents. Pregnancy is hard on your body, I won't lie to you about that, but if you're against abortion, you could have some guilt issues later on in life.

Personally, I would keep the baby...men come and go, but your kids are yours forever :-) but then again, I'm older than you so maybe your options aren't the same as mine would be.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Answer 6

I think that you just answered your own question. I think that you know what you want to do. You are right about one thing, having a baby is the most beautiful thing in the world. I know that you dont need a man to take care of you. I have four beautiful babies and am currently a single mother. Its hard but you can manage on your own. I know that you would like for him to be there for you and the baby, but if hes telling you to have an abortion he really doesnt want you or the baby. A man that makes a baby and doesnt want it, isnt a man at all. If he doesnt want to be around then its his loss. When that baby starts growing in your belly and you feel him/her move you be gald that you kept it . You sound like a smart person and only you can know what to do. But if you choose not to keep it there are people that would love to raise a baby but cant have their own give it up for adoption.

Answer 7

First thing, if you are against abortion, dont consider it. Consider adoption instead. You'l regret it if you consider something you are against just for a guy.

He should be supporting you. A baby is a gift for you both! If he isnt willing, tell him to scram. Find someone who will love you and treasure you and your child. But dont let the dad off the hook completely. He helped create the baby, he should help support it. Child support should be paid no matter what. If you dont need it, put it away for the child later.

Now is the time to consider the baby first. You may love the guy, but your feelings and his feelings are no longer the priority.

Dont stay in a situation where you'll be stressed out or upset. It wont be good for you or the baby.

Good luck, and congrats on the bundle of joy!

Answer 8

Having a baby is indeed beautiful, but it's also a HUGE task, and the birth is only the beginning. You don't say what your aims are in life, but there's a good chance that having a baby will NOT help you achieve them. It's already quite obvious that your boyfriend is not going to help unless you force him to. Even then, the only thing you can ultimately compel legally is money, and money is not remotely the same as having his help.

Whether you choose to have the baby and keep it, give it up for adoption, or have an abortion, it will have an impact on your life; take everything into account, and do your best to choose wisely.

Answer 9

I think you are definately on the right train of thought. If he is pressuring you to have an abortion, he may not be there for you like you thought he would be. Also, I think this is a scary time for all men. I know my hubby completely freaked out. And, we were not only married but planning and hoping for a baby :)) We were going through infertility treatments and he still freaked out.

At this time they wonder how they'll support a family. It's really overwhelming for them. Tell him what your feeling and how his reaction makes you feel. Just be brutally honest.

Babies are definately a blessing! And, he definately should be more supportive of you, hopefully he'll come to his senses.

Good Luck! In the meantime surround yourself with positive. Keep yourself around family and friends that support you. Don't get bogged down in his negativity.

Answer 10

I was 18 when I got pregnant, and my situation was kind of backwards. I didn't know what I was going to do, and my boyfriend was pressuring me to keep the baby. In the end, I kept it, but not because of him, but because I decided to. Its true he has some say because he is the father, but in the end it is mostly your responsibility, and your body that this child is growing in. All you have to decide is whether you will be able to do it alone, because there is a chance he might not be around. But a lot of people do it alone, it is far from impossible. I think that what you decide is always the right answer, you know what is best for you and your unborn child. Good luck though, I hope you find an easy answer.

Answer 11

Hi There hun... well i'm four or five weeks prego as well. I'm prenant by my ex. We broke up 8 months ago and kept seeing each other. When i told him he was shocked and trying to be supportive and sensitive but (i'm 27 and he 24 years old) feels that I should look at both sides of choices and the outcomes. Careers, goals, future relationships. I really love this man, but he is confused. I like you don't wanna be a single mom....Gosh, aren't there enough of those in the world? But I have decided that this child is not a mistake or unpurposeful, so this week i'm letting him know i'm having it. He said that he would be 100 percent there so he better prove it. :) You have that child and have no regrets young lady. Imagen if you weren't born who could replace you!!! God bless you.