I need advise please?

Question

I am coming over a depression caused by my ex when he left me 8 months ago. When we were together he was depressed and felt suicidal at times. He wanted me to be there for him and have me to talk to and I did because I cared. Through-out this he would not anwser his phone, tell me he would commit suicide by the end of teh school year, he was a teacher. Eventually he told me had a child w some one night stand before we met, and was ashamed and not ready for being a father. So I helped him, only for him to be emotioanlly stable to leave me and get to know the mother of the child. I understand in a way how things can happen, however..he turned so cold to me, him and this girl made me feel so bad about myself, she called me and told me things he said about me to her that weren't nice. You know, I never did anything to him but help him, we never fought. Its one thing to have feelings for someone else, but why did he have to devalue me. IIronlically I suffered from a deep depression because

I really loved him. He is not with her now, but they remain friends. He closed me off and treated me like garbage, when in fact the girl he got pregnant is just that. He also blamed me for them getting together, if I didnt tell him to be a part of the child life??!!!
When we were together he was so compassionate and respectful, he told me he couldnt live w/o me. I am still saddened and it hurts still. I tried to confront him and he told me if I need help to get it from a psychologist. That was horrible, after all I did for him. WE are 29 yrs old, educated. I dont understand. How do I get by knowing he made me feel so horrible and I didnt do anything. He turned from day into night. Apparently he seems to be alive and well now, and I am the one who is suffering. I didn't deserve this. And still I have not heard from him, I only want a genuine apology

Answer 1

I had to answer this because I felt so emotional for you and I really would like to give you good advice. First of all you have to try with all your might to come out of this depression. Look to family members and good friends to help you, to be a sounding board when you want to talk...its important. You need to get a hold of your emotions and look at your ex for the person he really is...and my dear the picture is not good. Your ex dealt you a terrible blow; he used you when he was down and depressed, he betrayed you with an affair and a child that you knew nothing about and then he turned around and just threw you away like yesterday's newspaper. Does this sound like we are talking about a good and moral man with a heart? I don't think so. The way he devalued you and his complete indifference to your pain shows me that you really did not know him...he was living a lie and you fell for it hook line and sinker. He is not worth your hurt, he is not worth your depression; because you know what? He is a worthless emotionally bankrupt *** and not worth your time of day. You should also think about going to a psychologist for help or group therapy.

What I would do is if you could, try to get away for a weekend alone or with a girlfriend, cousin, sister for some R and R and just unwind and have a good time. Go sightseeing, shopping; buy yourself something special; do some girltalk; trash him; cry a little and then after a good night's sleep; wake up with a refreshed mind and say to yourself that he is not worth it. That' he will not destroy you and you will start a new beginning and move on.

Guys like your ex are a dime a dozen. They are so emotionally bankrupt that they use people and strip them emotionally and feed on them, because they have no emotions of their own. If this girl that he is with now or whoever he is with throws him out; guess who he will come crawling back to? So, I ask you this, will you have the strength to not take him back? I hope so...You seem like a loving, kind and understanding woman with alot to give. Life has its twists and turns and we do learn by our experiences even if sometimes they are hurtful and devistating. But you really can come out of this if you let him go emotionally and mentally. Don't let him keep a hold on you and ruin your life..Did you ever hear the saying, "Let go, let God". Let God take over your life, look to him to lead you in the right direction. I wish you well.

I do hope and pray that you will come out of this for the better and move on and find love and happiness again. I think you will. God bless you and try to be strong.

Answer 2

I cant imagine what your going through. Guys like that really arn't worth it. Dont feel bad! U did ur part by being there when he needed u most. U should be proud of urself :) Since he's treating u this way now, u should move on. U deserve someone so much better! who actually mean what they say :) & believe me, u'll find that guy one day!

I know it hurts, dont hurt urself any further. U have to let go of the past in order to have a future. Know what I mean? Get a social life. Hang out with ur friends more, go to the movies, do what u love, make urself happy. Always remember... u deserve happiness, everyone does! :)

Answer 3

I raised a son, and a daughter, so I think I can give you good advise. First of all, if you like this girl, talk to your parents and see if a get together with all of you can be arranged. That would be helpful, because then the girls mother would get a chance to see what environment you live in, plus, there would be a chance for both parents(the girl's and yours)to communicate. It is very often that parents do not know whom their children deal with that causes them to be strict on their own children. Next, set an example. You are both 14 years old and it is a parents' duty and responsibility to make upstanding citizen out of our children. So abide by the rules--do all your homework and study for school. That will impress the other parents as well. We mom's do not want our girls to date a guy who does not want to get ahead in life and who thinks school is not for him. As a parent we do like the good guys. Lastly, make a deal with yourself that you can wait. Get to know the girl, try to get permission to take her to a movie or other fun event where you got the permission of both parents and then make sure you stick to the time you are supposed to bring her back. Again, we moms love the good and reliable guy. If you get your chance and do all that, then you truly have a chance. The rest will fall automatically in place as long as you don't try to rush things.

Answer 4

It seems to mean that y'all have some deep inner problems that you need to work a relationship is based on trust and having your partners back threw the rough. now i understand that he has been going threw a rough time but he still treated you like wrong. i think you should stay away from him, date so he can appreciate you for your kindness and if he doesn't realize soon honey please! don't stress about it just stay busy and active sooner or later he is gonna realize what he had and who knows you might find someone who won't abuse your kindness and really needs it good luck! and like my momma tells me "You lay down with a dog you gonna catch fleas" so if he wants fleas let him itch and you just move on to go find you a man! and its not hard its all about self-assurance and personality and you sound like a very caring person and there are plenty of men needs it!

Answer 5

I doubt you'll get it sweetheart. I had something similar happen less the child and it was always my fault,bad thing is I took her back-be glad you didn't and try to move on. You will find another who will love and respect you like you deserve. You will believe me. To bad people like us are always the door mat, but I always believe it could be worse. I hope I helped just a little angel, I really do...

Answer 6

Is it REALLY going to matter if he says " I'm Sorry " ? you know the truth, and you know you're better then that. just forget about him and go on with your life. Don't let him or anyone else have that kind of a hold on you. it's your life, not his, it's time you got back to it.
just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and put him and his crap in the past and you look to the future and don't look back.
Good Luck.

Answer 7

girl that was cold. but you know what just know that you did a good thing by being there for him and he may be treating you bogus now but hell need you again and you need not be there no matter if you want to or not and i know you may very well love him and hurting but you know if you act as though he dosen't exist hell eventually come around and know it hard to do b'cause you feel like you still need answers but you need to try it works ive been there

Answer 8

You need to let go!!!!
Be happy he is not in your life now, look towards and welcome new and happy changes in your life... you will not get through this by wallowing or doing the he said she said seesaw.
sometimes life brings a#holes to us, just learn the lesson and let go!

Answer 9

move on in life..