Need suggestions! Please help!?

Question

We have only been married for 8 months and we have never really "made love". Yes, we do have sex several times a week. But there is never any passion. And he has never given me an orgasm. I don't mean to make it sound like it's all his fault because I know its not. I just don't know how to improve things. Our sex goes like this: we sometimes start by kissing, I give him oral, and then we have sex. He has tried giving me more attention by kissing my body, oral sex, etc. But then he gets soft and that pretty much ends things. The whole session usually lasts 10 to 15 minutes. We have never “made love” for an hour or more like I’ve heard normal couples do. I’m really worried about this. We’ve discussed it but nothing has changed. Any advice??? Should we see a therapist? Our marriage is GREAT other than this one thing. This is a very sensitive subject to me and I would appreciate no mean comments.

Answer 1

Sometimes sex isn't all about him. Have him keep giving you stimulation even if he goes soft. He'll get back up again later. And you give him oral, he should be willing to work on you until you have an orgasm, regardless if he is soft when you do. But lets say, he works on you for 10 min and goes soft well then he should keep working on you for 10 more min. He'll probably recover and you'll have just reached full arousal.

Or if that doesn't do it for you, buy a vibrator and if you are ready for intercourse and he is soft, you can have him hold the toy for you. Sex should be mutually beneficial. It should not be all about him just as it should not be always what you want. But imagine if he only climaxed if you dressed up like an elf. Ok that would be fun every now and then, but you would hate if he expected that everytime. Perhaps part of the problem is the routine of your sex life. Consider shopping around for some suggestions on Spicing up your sex life. I know a ton of books are out on the topic.

Personally, I would be incredibly hurt by a man who was only willing to spent 10-15 minutes by me. I understand the feelings you have when he goes soft, but it's not about you. It has nothing to do with you not being attractive, not being good enough, not being sexually creative enough. It has nothing to do with you. (Repeat that to yourself cause that part is difficult) Work on accepting that and stressing less and you will find orgasm easier. Many times women are unable to climax due to the fact that our brain is processing far too many things. If you are thinking about work, the grocery store list, what to buy him for Christmas, then no wonder you are unable to peak.

Have you tried talking about it? B/c if he is uncomfortable with the topic I doubt a therapist would help. You really need a specific sex therapist anyway which are hard to find.

However, most women do not have orgasms frequently. Most do not reach it at all with just intercourse. It requires extra for them to reach it. Women in general take 20 minutes to get fully aroused and an incredibly small percentage of women (something like 2%) can actually reach climax in less than 15 minutes. (Check out Sue Johhanson, she used to be on The Sunday Night Sex Show so google that and see if you can buy her Best Of on Amazon. She is a wealth of information) So you are perfectly normal to have never had an orgasm if sex usually lasts 10-15 minutes.

Answer 2

Sometimes it take time for a couple to fine that special place. Sex is just sex, making love is an art that takes time and patients. You need to talk to each other about what makes you feel good and and work on the places on your body that give you cold chills. Take things slow and in time you will master the art of making love.

Answer 3

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