Why is my life like this! Im so depressed!?

Question

Im am very sad, I got married 1 year ago and my mother in law has been living with us since he is the only son, anyway she has always made me feel horrible like she ruled in my home. and now after 1 year she told my husband that she wants to go back to brazil because she hates living with me, that I hate her etc.. its not true now he is sad with me and she hates me, I feel horrible like just leaving and never coming back! he said that if his mom leaves to brazil that in a year or less he will leave also to go with her to brazil. But what will I do? I dont know their language or nothing? Ill be away from my family that loves me? I'll die if Im away so long! today she told me that I was a fake person that I was stupid and many horrible things infront of my husband and he didnt even defend me. I feel like im unworthy like im nothing! I dont even feel like waking up in the mornings thats how bad i feel! what should I do please tell me! I love him, i dont know what i would do without him!

Answer 1

1. Take a deep breath here
2. Take another deep breath
3. STOP and remember this, YOU are his wife, the bible says a man shall leave his mother and make his own life, not exact words, but you get my drift !!!!
4. You need to stand up and be counted, YOU need to tell BOTH of them just WHO YOU are in this group, YOU are the alfa female here NOT mother.... I mean NO disrespect to his mom but he took YOU as his wife, she is the mother and is a side part of his life, NOT that he should just turn away from her !!!!
5. You also need to inform hubby and mom-n-law that there is a choice to be made here, and a choice that should be thought out and mulled over VERY carefully by them BOTH !!!
6. they need to be informed of your LOVE for your husband and anything else you feel the need to say, and that IF a man takes a wife a COMMITMENT is made to HER !!!!!!
7. then calmly sit down and wait while the shock wears off and then you and HUSBAND go somewhere private and talk it all out...... God bless

Answer 2

Girl, you are not alone! It is actually quite common for mothers-in-law to be cruel to their daughters-in-law. The reason for this is that she has been the number one woman in his life for so long. Now that you have come along, and are younger, more attractive, and probably more successful, she feels that she is fighting a losing battle for her son's affection. (Sources cited below)

She needs to realize that this is the natural order of things. You cannot bring her to reality. Your husband, however, can. THAT is where you come in.

Before you even talk to him, you need to perform a self-assessment. Let's get this straight right now! Whether he wants to think so, YOU rule the roost here. His mother is a guest in YOUR home. It sounds to me like you've been depressed for a long time about this. Trust me, he can see this, and he'll see this as a sign of weakness and flexibility. You need to STOP feeling unworthy. SHE is unworthy, and it sounds like he is to. Adopt this attitude. Trade your depression for confidence; be confident in the fact that he picked his wife (you), and he did not pick his mother. This already puts the ball in your court. Like I said, you are young, attractive, and successful. Keep in mind that you are a whole person; you don't NEED him. Now, sit down with your husband alone...as equals.

Tell him that you care for him and are concerned about your marriage. Make sure he understands that there are certain things that you will not tolerate, and this is one of them. SET THE BOUNDARIES! You are in control of your living situation. Call to attention the fact that he is a grown man. Then, let him know that if he chooses to leave to go to Brazil with his mother, he will be turning his back on you and your marriage and you will not be going with him, since you refuse to have your marriage predicated on a lie (the lie that he was a man, when he's really still a boy).

You can be as harsh or as kind as you want, but still get your point across. Remember that your most valuable support system is your family, and he has no right to take you from them. Keep in mind that you would not be taking him from his mother; she would be removing herself from him.

You can do it; I know it's hard.

Answer 3

Honey, I'd say see ya, you're not gone yet? He's a momma's boy and if he is still sucking tit then he needs his mom. Most of the time you can't change that. It went wrong the day you married him knowing his mom would be living in the same house. It probably will not get better.
Most of the time I try to be positive and I try to leave a positive feedback for the questions I answer but in this case I'm worried that it's helpless.
You though are not to blame for this. It is his mothers fault. Some of them do it on purpose because they are in secure of being alone themselves. But they also want to be in control of everything.
If she doesn't leave she will probably always live with you. If your husband goes with her tell him you are staying. If he loved YOU he would stay with you and not follow MOMMY...
He needs to grow up and you could tell him that. He does need to know. If you have to get a recorder and record what she says to you so he will hear that it is not you.
GOOD LUCK

Answer 4

Your life is like this because, let's face it, these were the choices that you made. But, the great thing about life is that we can always get our life back on track. Right now you are miserable, your mother in law doesnt like you, and your self esteem is low. So, the first thing that you need to realize is that NO ONE can make you unhappy. You have to allow them to do that.....So, first thing, reclaim your happiness and your peace. You need to realize and believe that your mother in law has no control over you and that she can not bring you down. Secondly, you need to have a conversation with your husband and her mother. Let them know that you are more than happy to have his mother in the house, but you will not live unhappy or be lied about. Third, you have to let this go, as best you can. Don't harbor anger, sadness, worry - life is full of ups and downs, you just have to gain your composure and figure out the best way to get through the rough times. As of right now, your marriage is not over, your mother in law is still in your home, and your husband still loves you. So, just take it day by day. But, do set a time to talk with your hubbie and his mom ASAP.

Answer 5

Stay where your own family is!! You will be even more depressed if you move with them to Brazil.

That sounds like a very messed up home. His mother should NOT be living with you. I don't know any wife that could be happy with her mother-in-law living with her. His mother sounds mean and crazy. How dare she call you names in your own house?!

His mother needs to get an appartment of her own. When your husband wants to visit her, he can, but you can stay away if you want.

If your husband wants to follow his mother to Brazil, I hope you don't go. If he won't stand up to his mother for you, when she is mean to you, he is a coward. You can't be happy with a husband like that. His mother will always come first.

Stay with your own family. Nobody will love you as much as they do. I moved away from mine.. only 2 hours away and my heart breaks all the time because I NEED them in my life.

Good luck, hun. You don't deserve to be sad.

Answer 6

Take a deep breathe and think about your role in this marriage. You are the wife, no longer the girlfriend. You need to step up and talk to the both of them and tell them how you feel. I understand that it's his mother and you don't want to upset him but where do you fit in? When does anyone start to consider your feelings and you being upset? The first person in your life has to be YOU! You can't truely love him until you love yourself. I sound like a broken record but it's true. Talk to them (respectfully) or even record your mother in law acting up when he's not around. Maybe that'll help too! Good luck to you and keep your head up even when your heart is down.

Answer 7

It's about time that you involve your family. If your husband is not man enough to defend his own wife, suggest for him to marry is his mother! Discuss this matter with your parents or relatives and request for them to intervene upon your behalf. You need your family to support the troublesome that you are feeling.

I mostly support that the wife should always follow her husband, but in this case you are going to fall into the worst trap. Once you are in Brazil, the chances of befriending your husband's family is zero! When you husband involves his mother into making decision then you have the right to involve your.

Talk with God about this!

God Bless.

Answer 8

A guy's mother is always number one.... just like a woman's mother. If he is Brazilian, then you're dealing with a cultural conflict. As a North American, you have to decide to live in your mother's household (Brazil) or your own.

Make it clear to your husband that his mother is simply tearing you apart. You can't deal with the stress. DO NOT GIVE HIM AN ULTIMATUM! Men hate that, especially men from non-North American backgrounds.

Instead, work with him. Let him know that you'll always love him, caress him and be his love, but that his mother is breaking your marriage apart and that the only thing to do is for HIM to put his mother back in her place. YOU are the woman of the house and the mother must get over that vicious jealousy that only mothers contain when it comes to their offspring.

YOU MUST ALSO confront the mother in private and in front of the husband. This is NO time to be timid, Star Trek or embrace the values of the U.N.

You must be direct, honest (about YOUR feelings and why you think the MOTHER is treating you like ****). Believe it or not, she is going to get TEN times as shittier to you when she's in Brazil. That's HER turf.

Answer 9

So far you have an evil woman as a mother-in-law and you have a sissy husband for not standing up for his wife. It seems that your husband has not left his 'mommy' yet and the umbilical cord is still in tact. (figure of speech) I think that you and your husband should have never allowed her to stay with you or have let her stay that long with you. But instead, he chose her over you, which should tell you that he is still 'mommy's little boy'.

In all reality, you married a boy instead of a 'real huband'. I feel for you. But, if he want to still be married to you, he has to stick up for you and he needs to talk to his mom and let her know that her behavior is not tolerated in the home otherwise, she needs to live some where else. He needs to do this for the sake of you.

If he doesn't stand up to her and defend you, then that shows you that he doesn't care for you and he is not being that husband he should be. I think that since he will not defend you, then you need to defend yourself by telling her that you do NOT accept this type of behavior and that if she continues to act like that, she needs to leave. It is your home too!

Your monster-in-law (mother-in-law) is going to be who she is. There is nothing you can do to change her. She has to want to change herself. But, in the mean time, don't accept this type of behavior or any behavior from your husband. You need to have a back-bone and defend yourself from the both of them. I am sorry you feel so depressed, but you need to stand up for what is right. And for them to both treat you like that, is not acceptable, which is totally verbal abuse. They are both doing wrong to you. Be strong and tell them both that either they straighten up or leave. Don't be afraid, be strong!

People make mistakes, but you married the wrong man.

Answer 10

I bet He is not a citizen and he is using you for that. That is why he says he'll stay with you for another year. He believes that after two years he can apply but the law has been changed. You have a loving family move back home and apply for legal separation ASAP. It is the best thing you could do, you do not need that kind of treatment.