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My husbands 42 year old sister came to live us six months ago for only two weeks(her boyfreind kicked her out) She also does not have a car, so she uses our car.
I don't mind helping someone out, but there seems no end to this. She works full time, and has enough money to go out quite to gamble smoke and drinks She pays us 50 dollars a week and tells everyone that we like having her there for the money(we don't need her money). It is to the point I live in my bedroom. When she is home my husband sits on his chair and she sits on the couch. She has her own bedroom living room and bathroom in our house. The other day we were having an argument with our teenage son and she just sat there watching and listening. ggrrr I will sit on my husbands lap to make her feel uncomfy but nothing work My husband was suppose to talk to her after xmas...but now it is March....she is dating her ex, and now going on a trip to Jamaica with him..I can't take it. my marriage is going down the tubes

2007-02-27 13:52:38 · 8 answers · asked by k8_nova 2 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

8 answers

well who cares if it's tactful? if your marriage is going down the tubes, you, and your husband need to kick the bit** out. enough said.

2007-02-27 13:59:10 · answer #1 · answered by chris r 4 · 0 0

Keep reminding yourself you really did do a NICE thing....you really did HELP...but nobuddy likes the free ride to end.....not if they are 4 or 44. So dont expect her to send you a thank you and flowers....at least not until she grows up.....

In the meantime, I am a coward when it comes to this stuff....I would tell my husband to address it---giving her only a few days to leave. I would tell her I wished it could be different (which would sound like I wanted her to stay even though I dont want her to stay) and then I would take the cowards way out and play the broke card....... I would say the money is a mess and the bills are behind and the credit cards are astronomical and I would tell her she can stay longer than the 3 days hubby gave her but her rent has to go up $50 a week every week until you get out of debt. Starting Monday, its $100 week, following Monday $150, then $200 etc. I'd bet that would be good motivation.... add up the cost of another adult in the house.... its been costing you this much in electric, incidentals, stress, laundry soap, space.... I know I don't need to tell you this. Be sure your husband is supportive of her leaving....even if he doesn't like the bill idea....cause he only has 4 choices: he's the heavy, blame the bills, go to court to get her out or support her for the next 40 yrs..... help him remember he has already done way more than most brothers...and you would do whatever else he can come up with that would end this is less than 2 weeks....bet he chooses the $$$.... Good Luck....and God Bless....

Scenario 2...if it makes you feel better offer 1st months rent....cheaper than supporting her for the next 20 yrs and pretty hard to say you are a jerk..... ..and give her 2 wks to put down $$ on a place........ with no explanation, except its enough and the things going on in your house are personal.....dont tiptoe. you have probably accomodated this situation. stop doing that. act like everyone else and leave your stuff around, come and go as you please, wear jammies in your own living room, dont be a hostess, stop being responsible, you might enlist your husband to have a few good old fashioned loud arguments (staged if necessary) stop making it so darn comfy....that should be enough to give her the heav-ho if not it may help your husband see why she has to go....

2007-02-27 22:36:36 · answer #2 · answered by Sweetserenity 3 · 0 0

You need to have a talk with you husband so he knows how you feel about her living with you. He needs to understand just how uncomfortable you feel. You should never feel like a prisoner in your own home! 200 a month isn't worth it!

After that you need to make a plan to slowly but surely let her know she is no longer welcome. Maybe you need to have a talk with her with your husband by your side for support. She needs to know that no matter how much money she can give you, it isn't worth the thought of her still living there. She is 42 years old! Time to get out on her own! She needs to realize this.

2007-02-27 21:59:48 · answer #3 · answered by MissDivine 2 · 0 0

You and your husband have to talk to her together, as a united front. Tell her that while you will always be there for her when she needs help, she no longer needs your assistance and it is time for her to get her own place and life.

As an aside, my neighbor had the police remove his sister from his home because she refused to leave and was disruptive. The came and only let her pack a suitcase and it was out to door. Use this only as a last resort.

2007-02-27 21:58:54 · answer #4 · answered by kny390 6 · 0 0

Pack her stuff and sit by the door and tell her the vacation is over in your house.If she can do these things with her ex then she has a place to go. I wouldn't feel bad about it at all.As a matter of fact I would look at it as therapy for her.This is a good way of making her responsible for her own life now.

2007-02-27 22:12:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

she knows shes sponging off you and feels bad about it deep in side and she tells people you just like her money so it makes them think she is not sponging, however if you and your husband are not having enough time togather because of her then you or your husband are going to have to give her a time frame to move out if she can afford a trip to jamaca then she can afford her own place. and if she cares any thing about you 2 then shes not gonna get mad and all bent out of shape.

2007-02-27 22:56:25 · answer #6 · answered by moe 5 · 0 0

you can't

she has to go and you have to put your foot down.

my sister moved in with us before my husband and i got married and it was not fun in the end.
we had to be quite agressive to get the point across.
but once he said that it was either him or her, she had to go!

you have to really have a PRIVATE talk with your husband. you have to let him know that you can't take it anymore. you married him, not her...
make him understand that you feel like you marriage will fall appart if she doesn't leave..
if that fails, then give him an ultimatum.

tell her not to come back
and tell her about 20 minutes before she leaves for jamaica.

2007-02-27 22:02:36 · answer #7 · answered by ladrhiana 4 · 0 0

Your husband probably gave her permission to move in, so now it's time for him to give her permission to move out.

You have to talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. It's time to set a date (say, in two or three weeks) when she is expected to have found new housing. Simple. This was supposed to be a temporary arrangement.

2007-02-27 21:57:43 · answer #8 · answered by Aimee L 4 · 0 0

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