Hypothetical Situation (For a Friend): A wife catches her husband chatting with another woman on the internet, VIA webcam and microphone. She brushes it off and asks him not to do it again.
Second time around, She gets furious and they have a large argument that extends for weeks.
Third time around, She finds a slip noting that he has sent a gift to her at her home out of state. Argument lasts for a month - He denies everything. She hires a person to go and sort through his e-mail and logs. She finds that it is true, and it has happened 3-5 times before. He now is talking to the woman and sending gifts on a regular basis.
What should the wife do?
2007-02-27 13:33:43 · 26 answers · asked by Han 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Real Answers only please, Advise as you would if the wife was you.
Thank you.
2007-02-27 13:34:33 · update #1
Goddamn it people it's for my co-worker with her problems. It's not me.
2007-02-27 13:51:23 · update #2
DIVORCE!!!
my own actions would not be quite so civil.
i would never have let it get past the flirting stage before i'd be smart enough to get her address. i'd pay her a very civil visit. and assure her that if he leaves me for her, she will get him only with the clothes on his back. not a thing more.
then i go home, shred his clothes and throw them in suitcases. i take everything else he loves or claims as his own, and i either call "goodwill" or some other charity, OR i have a nice big bonfire.
then i wish him all the luck in the world with his mid-life crisis.
all this of course happens after i change the locks...
there's always plan b - surgicaly alter him then divorce him from prison - that is, if he survives it (i prefer the do it yourself sex change idea myself)
he he he
2007-02-27 13:36:17 · answer #1 · answered by ladrhiana 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in a VERY similar situation with my EX HUSBAND! He used to chat a lot prior to our getting married and we made a mutual decision to not do so since we were in a committed relationship. He continued doing so, making plans to meet them, talked to them inappropriately, sent things to them, etc. This all happened prior to our marriage. I informed him that if he didn't close out his yahoo account that I'd end the relationship and he closed it. Six months later, we married and 3 weeks later, he formed a new I.D. and started it allover again. I didn't find out for 3 months but when I did, I was furious. Same things happened with regard to him shutting it down but he formed yet another and accessed it from work. We were married for 13 months when I left and I divorced him after 15 months of marriage. I refused to put up with it. She should refuse to do the same. It's a complete lack of respect for someone when their partner is behaving in this manner. People will treat us in the manner which we allow and if she continues to stay around and let him walk on her, he'll continue to do so. I am sorry she is experiencing this as I know how difficult it is and how it makes you feel about yourself. She can get some comfort by obtaining information about sexual addiction and there are support groups which will assist her as well. I wish her the best!
2007-02-27 14:05:08 · answer #2 · answered by Michele D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is what seems to be going on...Your friend's husband has an emotional and maybe (physical relationship via internet with this woman)...I'd say that he is attracted to her and wants to court with her but he doesn't want to lose what he's worked so hard for (your friend). In my opinion that sounds like it's cheating if she's told him that he shouldn't do it anymore. And it seems like he has some sort of emotional feelings towards this e-woman. I'd consider it like an affair. If he didn't do anything wrong he wouldn't try to hide it. Take that and have your "friend" make her decision.
2007-02-27 13:38:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that is unacceptable behavior. That is being unfaithful and cheating. Marriage is about taking VOWS and keeping to them. The wife should leave him, no questions asked. No argument. No room for reconciliation. And no worries, he'll just cheat on the next wife in time... he needs help, or to be single. Do not let him bring you down with him!!! She needs to move on with her life, and live happily! There are millions of great people out there.
2007-02-27 14:28:27 · answer #4 · answered by Soon to be mommy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly she needs to consider what she wants to do, leave, kick him out, or try to work things out.
Secondly she needs to see a lawyer and determine what her options are and what she should do if you separate, then find a reputable counsellor.
Thirdly confront the husband again with all the facts in hand as to what she can prove including dates.
If she wants to work things out with him it is ultimatum time and he needs to see a counsellor with her.
If she has had enough it is ultimatum time and the solicitor will have advised the do's and dont's for this process, adhere to them and keep a journal of all conversations with times, dates and outcomes for future reference.
Most of us will flirt at times, but the husband has gone too far in this. The wife in this instance needs to ensure she is in a position of power by finding out how to deal with him in a legal and emotional sense before the confrontation occurs.
2007-02-27 13:59:14 · answer #5 · answered by Rational Thought 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honest?
Requirements for me to stay with him would be counseling, complete end to his relationship with this other woman - no contact at all. I'd want (at least initially) access to any and all web, email, credit cards, cell phone records, anything that could be used to contact her. He'd obviously have to admit what has been happening - regardless of whether or not there has been physical contact, this is cheating, at least emotionally.
A marriage can only survive adultery if both parties are willing to recommitt to the marriage - and it really doesn't seem like he's willing to.
If he were unwilling to meet any of my requirements, then I'd have to admit that the marriage was not salvageable and start preparing myself for life without him.
2007-02-27 13:44:38 · answer #6 · answered by ~StepfordWife~ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It happened to me too, I thought that I could trust him, so yeah he was cheating on me with some net friend, they have been chatting since Nov/Dec, our almost 8 yr relationship (no marriage) was broken off in January and on the weekend they had a commitment ceremony... They had only met each other for a couple of weeks...
I hate cheaters...
2007-02-27 13:51:00 · answer #7 · answered by Jasmina 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
(hypothetical answer for the friend). She should very systematically mae her exit. Not in a fit of fury and rage but calm and collected with emotions in check. Taking into account all the finances, kids, credit issues, banking, assets, etc.Get tangible proof that will hold in the court of law. Log dates events etc.
2007-02-27 13:41:16 · answer #8 · answered by nnv7860 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't divorce you, but I would not trust you.
You are chatting with a woman online, which is the same as flirting, and it's healthy.
However, with each time around the situation got worse and worse and didn't improve and guys..... as usual....... are easily caught and don't work hard enough to hide it.
The HUSBAND should think first and decide what he really wants.
2007-02-27 13:38:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is nasty business. See a lawyer to start divorce mediation or divorce, separation, whatever.Until her attorney can advise her and it also should be a huge settlement for her with all the evidence she has gathered against him. And in my state the woman hes going with can also be sued for alienation of affection. betty
2007-02-27 13:41:51 · answer #10 · answered by elisayn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋