I have a really serious question about still being in love with an ex, even though I divorced him 20 yrs ago.?

Question

I married him when I was 22, we had a son. we had a few resonciliations shortly after our divorce, (within 2-3 yrs).
he's been remarried for about 6 yrs, and he and my son just don't talk any more, blah blah blah. we have a grandson who is 4 now. the ex was involved until about a yr and a half ago, and i think it's because of his wife. but i don't know for sure.
problem is, i think i still really love this man, and don't know what to do about it. when he was still involved with the family, i was ok with eveything the way it was. now that he's not been involved, and don't really know why., i've been having feelings that there is just a connection between us that needs to be connected in some way. hard to explain.
anyone been through something like this before that help me understand my feelings?

Answer 1

I haven't been though this...but are you sure you aren't in love with what COULD HAVE been? Letting go of the dream is often harder than letting go of the man. I've held on way too long because of foundation blocks that could have been a wonderful life ....but thats all it is a poured concrete foundation...and it was a lot of work....but all it has is possibilities because the two of us never work together...we'd never build anything on the site....

I think you will always love the part of this man that is the father of your children...and you should. Its important that your kids understand that level of respect and caring because they will identify with his personality and yours....and if you are hating him it would transfer onto them....

I'd say make a list of the reasons you divorced. Include a list of the bad times. Add to it as necessary when you are struggling and alone because this marriage didn't work out (even though its on both of you, list his half or his part in it)....carry it with you.... read it....

on the back, list your strengths, your hopes dreams and goals.... list all the ways you want your children to be blessed....and say a prayer..... read that side twice as much.....eventually....you may not look at the back at all....

Make peace with your past by putting it in perspective... you do not have to regret it or shut the door on it.... you might visit the old neighborhood...but my guess is you dont really want to live there.

Answer 2

I think the fact that he's no longer a part of your life has you remembering all the good times you had with him. The question is, are you also remembering the bad times? You have to be realistic - there's a reason you and he divorced. Was it because you were both young and immature, not willing to work at the marriage? Or were there legitimate reasons (adultery, abuse, addiction)? Your marriage didn't work the first time - what about each of you has changed that would make a second attempt work better?
Of course you feel a connection to him - you had a child with him, and you now share a grandchild. Those connections will always be there, but it doesn't mean you should be married to him.
My husband and I got back together after separating, and have been back together (happily) for 6 years now. My MIL and FIL divorced around 1980, after about 6 years of marriage. They both went on to remarry, he divorced the new wife, she was widowed, and 5 years ago they got back together - they're both more miserable than they were the first time, because neither of them has changed one bit. 25+ years later, it's the same problems all over again.

Answer 3

no, never been through that before... cheer up, i think you need friends so you can take your mind off him... join some charity or organization/community and learn something new or help others... if you really can't get him out of your head, why don't you talk to him?

sorry i can't be of more help... :)

Answer 4

its the thing called love sometimes we just can't get over some people we love no matter how long. i have a friend whose boyfriend cheated on her but she still loves him..

Answer 5

Get a small dog and give it time.

Answer 6

are you a dude or a chick?