Is This An OK Poem? I'm Sorta New At This Poetry Stuff?

Question

There is a place
Where the ocean has lost its blue
Where the grass has lost its green
It is hidden among our world
Within a sliver of the darkest dew

Journey through a dark tunnel
Without him your world turned duller
He is hiding from you
In that sliver of darkness
That world without color

How cruel was it of you
To leave him without saying good-bye
It would have meant the world to him
Why didn’t you tell him you were leaving?
Why did you go and lie?

Leave to that place wherever that may be
Where the ocean has lost its blue
Where the grass has lost its green
Just know that through all this
He still loved you

Answer 1

OK..
well i am also actually into the poetic stuffs and writing,
my heart fonds to heart-beat-poets..
to you,
four thumbs up, send it to this..
http://groups.myspace.com/writingandpoetry
They said,
Writing and poetry exposed to agents and publishers (for serious writers and poets)
p/s: lots of famous authors too..

Answer 2

DUDE DID YOU COPY THIS???? this is a really good poem accutly lol im serious outta 10 i would give this a 9 1/2 (9.5) man your good at this poem stuff

Answer 3

watch your verb tense

i would end it with
Just know that through it all
His love is still true.

a great start just need to address use of present and past tense verbs,
a great read, keep up the good work!
Blessings!

Answer 4

wow are you honestly new at poetry? Well i thought this was an awesome poem no joke. i was expecting it to suck, but i was blown away. Good job. im a pretty good writer myself.

Answer 5

That's a great poem. don't doubt yourself. I bet you could make even better poems after this one because this one is great.