my mum is an alcholic an i dont know how to approach her?

Question

i love my my mum to bits. but she is drinkin far to much. she knows it an i know it. she hides her drink. thinkin that i cant smell it an knows where she hides it. her health is going down hill cause of the drink. when i confront her she goes into a rage an total denial. she can be a very hard person to talk to with drink. but sober or half sober she is an angel. as her daughter an i mean i love her. she is going down hill...big time an i dont know what way to appraoch her without hurting her feelings. my mum is literally killing herself with drink and i need big time advice as i cant let this happen to her. she's my rock, who's slowly dissolving. i need help cause i dont no wht to do?

Answer 1

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. As someone who has been there before (and thankfully got through alive and mentally stable) I can tell you that there's no way you can help her until she's ready to help herself. Alcoholics are typically blind to their problem until they hit rock bottom. Which, sadly, is too late sometimes. You need to approach a close family member (preferably an adult) and ask them to confront her with you about her problem. "Confront" is a bad word though, you want to really express your concern for her well being and your willingness to do whatever it takes to get her well again, without seeming like you're attacking her and laying blame on her for her irresponsible actions. Stick with her, through everything, don't give up on her because then there is basically no hope of recovery. No ultimatums, no desertion. She loves you and with your support she has a fighting chance.

My mom is in a nursing home right now (at the age of 56) because she drank herself almost to death. She's been to rehab 5 times and always ended up back in the bottle. It's a battle she's still losing, with the slow deterioration of her health. I've had to watch her destroy herself my entire life and there was never anything I could do. Always remember that her condition isn't your fault and when SHE wants to get better, she will.
Best of luck to you...

Answer 2

confrontation will only lead to denial and arguments as you have discovered.
it is good that you have noticed a problem and that you care so much to want to help.
you do not mention your age, but even if your mother was 100 and you were 80 she would still see you as 'her child' and that she knows better (i am a parent, we all do it)
now, is she hiding her drink hoping you will not 'have a go at her' or has she been doing it all the time?
as with most addictions it needs the addict to realise they themselves have the problem and that is where it becomes difficult i'm afraid, are there any older members of the family you can call on, aunties/uncles?
someone who can sit and talk to her with you, when she has not had a drink, someone who can explain the worries without making it sound like they are having a go at her.
professional help may also be the way to go about it, have a word with AA or a similar organisation, they would really be the best to give advice.
with any luck a quiet word from a couple of close family members (not too many though) may be enough.
obviously i do not want to put you off, but be prepared for a long haul, from my own addiction to smoking i know it is not easy to stop something you get 'comfort' from.....i know i have to stop, but i need to get it right in my head first otherwise i know i will fail.
i wish you good luck and hope that one day, your mother can see what a caring daughter she has

Answer 3

Wow. That's really hard.
If you told her what you're saying here, that could have a powerful impact. She would probably start crying, but I think it would be a good cry. And perhaps on one of those days when she is sober or half sober you can talk her into going to rehab. Try to talk her into that. And always support her when she is trying to do good and get better (though it sounds like you already are that way). And perhaps on some of the days when she is really trying think of things you can do to get out of the house and which of course don't involve alcohol.
Also, when it comes down to it, it is worth hurting her feelings. I mean, being willing to hurt her feelings may actually save her life. Not fun, I know. And if you can do it without doing so, that's great. Be gentle, but don't hold back what needs to be said just because her feelings might get hurt.

Answer 4

I have read the other replies & there is good advice there but I don't believe it is for you, the child, to have to take the burden & responsibility for dealing with your mum when she is drunk & trying to get her off the stuff! You may want to help her in every way possible, but this is not your responsibility!
I think you should speak to a professional EG. at your school, or local advice centre, to enlist their help, because it is not good for you to be facing the worry & risks... YOUR welfare comes first.
Your mum is supposed to be looking after you! That's her job!
I am not saying don't support her, only that YOU cannot reasonably be expected to magic away her addiction.

She needs professional help, so she can overcome the reason/s why she is turning to alcohol. It might be, in her past, there was a confusion / conflict / feelings of rejection, or a hurdle she couldn't get over / so to escape... reach for the bottle! (Never works!)

It's frightening for you, I know. So be strong, be mature & seek the intervention of a helpful social worker - or even try phoning Child-line.

Just don't keep suffering & putting up with this! Do that for her sake, and yours.
OK?
God Bless & Good luck XXX

Answer 5

Well i feel really bad for you, I was in the same position BUT WITH A LITTLE luck my dad got really sick and HAD to go to the doctors and had his first physical in years now he doesn't drink for some reason. It was amazing. If I was you when she is sober ask her what she thinks about herself. DO you know y she is doing it>?? did she break up with someone??? The must be a reason why??? Just talk to her when you are ready and hope for the best

Answer 6

My mom is also an alcholic and in denial always. She Still drinks just not so much around me. She will only stop when she is ready. What I did was I video taped my mother drunk, then made her watch it with me. I said if she could watch the whole thing I would be willing to reconcider my opion about her problem. The trick is to record many occasions all rolled into 5-10 minutes of highlights. And take another family member with you maybe some one big incase she gets mad. My mom tryed to bust the tape. Good luck!

Answer 7

i am so sorry to hear this i myself was in this position a few years ago my mum was also an alcoholic sadly to say my mum died. i feel i should have done more i never sat down and spoke to her like i should have. like your mum the rage and denial was a big part but i feel i should have done more.
try speaking to her when she is sober and get your point across that u are scared of losing her i know it will be hard but just keep trying
im sorry but it is only advise i have for u
i hope everything goes good for u xx

Answer 8

hi sweetheart,
im sorry to hear that and i have to say you are very brave!
its probably best not to confront her or talk to her when she is drunk as thats when irrational behaviour and thought kicks in, not to mention denial.
1)catch her when she is sober and tell her what she is doing is HURTING YOU
2)Tell her she is your rock and you cant bear to see what she is doing to herself and to you
3)tell her that he behaviour when she is drunk is scarey and hurtful
4)tell her that the family will fall apart if she doesnt seek help
5)tell her you are there for her and that you want to help her to get over this hurdle
6)get some AA advice
7)get rid of every drop of alcohol from wherever she hides it......when she comes home and starts freaking cos she cant find any confront her (hopefully she will be sober at that time) she will most likely be shaking and very angry/upset...ask her if she thinks the way she is behaving is NORMAL?...
8)get her to admit she has a problem....thats a biggest hurdle....
9)once she has admitted to her problem get her help asap....some ppl admit they need help but then never get it....you are there for her so you will need to get the help for her...
10)tell her if she loves you and cares about your and her own well ebing then she will comply with help being offered
11)go with her to meetings and support her
12)try to get her some counselling.....u must have an idea why she started relying oin drink in the first place
13)remind her what she means to you and how important she is....remind her as much as possiblke that you love her and that you cant see her this way...

be strong the way you have been so far and dont let all this get to you so much that you fall weak...get yourself counselling too so that you can debrief the situation to someone from ourside the situation...its really important that you yourself are receiving help because this will help your mental health and stability...and if you take care of yourself then helping your mom will be way more effective!

good luck sweety and God bless both of you!

Answer 9

I understand you. My older brother has a drinking problem too, i'm 15 years old and he used to come home drunk everynight or on drugs. My bro started drinking because of peer pressure and now won't stop. I blame other people for the way he is today though. He goes to a lot of rehab clinics and stops drinking for a few weeks but then starts again. My family let him sort himself out and he did. It was hard to watch him get drunk and nearly kill himself but a few years later he quit cos of his health so don't worry about it and just be on your mum's side.

Answer 10

I am sorry to read this, however at least you realize there is a problem and that is a good start to helping both you and your mom. Have you thought about visiting with a local church, they typically can point you in the direction to a qualified counselor that may be able to help. I wish you well.