I got married 3 years ago to my best friend. He is a wonderful person but I can not seem to treat him as my husband now. I still see him as a friend, but in this case a friend with benifits. How do I fall in love with my husband?
2007-02-27 12:09:49 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You mentioned that he was your best friend and a wonderful person and that must count for something. You two are having sex, so you must not have found him to be physically abhorrent. Don't be so quick to find faults in your relationship. Don't be misled by romantic notions of being swept off your feet and being crazily in love with your partner. Do not force yourself to have this feelings for him. Doing so would make you more dissatisfied with what you have. Cherish him for what he is, a best friend who'll stand by you thru trials, understand your faults and one who will laugh with you and help you celebrate your triumphs.
2007-02-27 12:38:18 · answer #1 · answered by Lewie's Mom 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the best marriages are the ones built on friendship. If you just give it enough time, (a LOT of time!) it will slowly develop. It may take years, but friendship will slowly morph into a different sort of friendship, then you will start seeing a person that you can't remember not having in your life, then a person that you wouldn't know how you could ever live without.
Marriages that are built on passion, and passionate love, in my opinion, fizzle out, and become stagnant very fast. There is no friendship there, and that is what they are missing. If you have a marriage based first on friendship, then build up from that, you have a much firmer basis on which to base everything else.
I think you are luckier than most people. Just remember all the good things about him, feel the comfort that friends provide and the rest will come along gradually, especially if you don't hunt for it so hard.
2007-02-27 12:15:56 · answer #2 · answered by luvmelodio 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, You've gotten alot of bad advice. I doubt any of these people are married. Try to rebuild the spark...or maybe even build it for the first time. Marriage is a big deal and shouldn't be treated lightly...especially today where you can just get a divorce with a snap of your fingers. Do things that you know he would appreciate. Believe it or not, but when you serve someone selflessly you become attached to them. You have an upsurge of love...really, even more than having someone serve you. Leave notes for him on the bathroom mirror with your lipstick, kidnap him and go bowling (or whatever) tell him you love him and that you love being with him. Find 3 things everyday that you love about him. It will start out as a challenge but you will start to find things easier and easier. Don't tell him them , just write them down in a journal and keep it hidden. Write down big things and stupid small things. But only do 3 a day. And finally realize that he is a boy and you are a girl and that you guys think totally differently and that he is doing the best he can. If he does something stupid just remind yourself that he is a boy and he didn't REALLY mean to be stupid. Then just let it go. If you do these he will start doing them to, He will notice the change and want that change for himself. Hope all goes well. If you need extra support you can email me. camsgirlie@yahoo
2007-02-27 12:22:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I cannot say this loud enough...LOVE IS NOT A FEELING. Love is a behavior, an attitude and a commitment. What would you be doing if you were in love, do that. What attitudes in you need to change to allow yourself to love, work on that. You married this man honor the commitment. My fav saying is "If you are interesting in a hot, lusty, sensual night on the town chances are so is the person who you live with....create some magic".
Why is it that we teach our kids algebrae in the 3rd grade...but we dont teach people that there is no santa claus. The real work of marriage is being honest about your wants and needs and helping each other meet those. It means saying I want to be surprised by you....and then making a blind date that you know about ahead of time...and still being surprised when you the two of you actually do it (and guess what, the honesty builds intimacy and the risk taking builds excitement and pretty soon you're all googly-eyed and lusty for ea other again).....
2007-02-27 15:25:42 · answer #4 · answered by Sweetserenity 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if you've managed to stay married for 3 years, you're already on the right track. Add to that the fact that you still see your husband as your best friend, and I think you've got something wonderful. Someone made the comment that passion tends to fizzle out. They're right. It sounds to me that you do love him. I think perhaps you're looking for something that you already have and don't realize because it's not in the package you expect. Also, does he feel the same way? Have you talked to him about this at all? My husband is my best friend, and I love him very much. It took almost losing him to realize that! I hope it doesn't come to that point for you.
2007-02-27 12:27:22 · answer #5 · answered by jodes72 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most of these answers are obviously from people who are very selfish, in life and in love. You are not just out of luck as they are saying. You need to realize that so many people confuse the excitement of new relationships with love, and the comfort and friendship of true love with being out of love. The fact is, you love your husband, because he is your best friend. The excitement may be gone or maybe never even exsisted but that is not the most important part of a marriage. Marriage is based on commitment and trust more than excitement and fun. You can make things more exciting but don't think you don't love him as a husband just because it's not excitng or new.
2007-02-27 12:51:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
seriously go away for a week somewhere by yourself and have no contact with him and if u think about him every second your gone, u love him, if u dont- stay gone or just sleep with someone else if the guilt is there you love him and if itd not u dont- i know u might think there horrible answers but there the simplest ways to find out. if u think bout him when ur away from him all the time- u luv him. Usually ud chat to ur best friend bout things like this- u cant so u have to find out some hard way
2007-02-27 12:20:18 · answer #7 · answered by julie k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you guys are best friends and the sex is good, you may already love him. You seem content. Its when there is no attraction and you start looking else where that you should ask this question. I wish my ex would have treated me like a best friend. We would probably still be together because you never seem to hurt your friends and you trust your friends. You should rethink what you are asking.
2007-02-27 12:17:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two have been married for 3 years it's kinda hard to say how to fall in love with him at this point in time... I'm not saying that it's not possible but it's just hard to say... could it be that you just don't know at this time just how much you love him... you don't want to wait to long to figure it out because if you lose him, then you might lose the best thing that ever happened to you...
Good Luck...
2007-02-27 12:18:08 · answer #9 · answered by ***Girlie Girl*** 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is you do love him...as a friend. It won't change and no amount of working on it will make it happen. If it wasn't there when you talked marriage, you were wrong to mislead him and marry him. Time to talk divorce so you both stand a chance at happiness. Been there, done that.
2007-02-27 12:15:25 · answer #10 · answered by Melanie A 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋