You tried to make it work and be a good wife but it doesnt seem to make any difference at all. Any advice?
2007-02-27 11:38:09 · 30 answers · asked by josie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
leave
2007-02-27 11:40:54 · answer #1 · answered by glamour04111 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO I WOULDN'T .... I grew up in a family that " stayed together for the sake of the children " and let me tell you it SUCKS ... I hated listening to the fights 24/7 ... just the fact I never saw my parent happy drove me insane ... I couldn't wait to get out of the house ... personally I don't think you can be a good parent if you're stressed out, fighting, depressed, not feeling loved ... etc ... the children can sense this and see it happening ... there's a difference between really trying to work things out and just giving up ... just because grandma's marriage lasted 50 years doesn't mean they were happy the whole time ... things have changed these days ... people change so do relationships ... if you feel like you can't take anymore - do something about it ... !
2007-02-27 19:56:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not sure how hard you worked on your marriage already. Can you honestly say to yourself that you tried everything? And by everything I mean all of it: talking, counselling, etc. If the answer to this question is "no", then don't you want to figure out what went wrong? Then you can make a decision later - for yourself, not for children. But don't stay for the sake of the children. It will change them forever to be in an unhappy home. All the best! And, hey, it will all be okay!
2007-02-27 20:00:38 · answer #3 · answered by Alyssa Macey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a firm believer that if you want something to work...you can make it happen. BUT if your partner is not listening, paying attention to your signs or refuses to help fix problems...then obviously he does not take your marriage seriously. Children need to be brought up in a happy home no matter if you choose to stay or leave. Have you tried counseling? Remember that you two did fall in love at one point and you did choose to move in together, get married and have children. No relationship is easy and there are points in time where you will be unhappy. My husband and I have been together for about 6 years, we have gone through a lot together and there were points where we both wanted to walk out....but remembering that there is something about each other that we love makes us want to work things out. I wish the best for you and hope that you do find happiness.
2007-02-27 20:03:36 · answer #4 · answered by Ladybug 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunatly so many people stay in an unhappy marriage "for the children". I think through the process they are teaching children its ok to have a loveless marriage. You want to teach your children to stand up for themselves and make the most out of life. No I dont think staying for the children is healthy for anyone. From the way your wrote "You tried to make it work and be a good wife" it seems to me that your needs are not being met and that you are sacrificing your wants. If you have a daughter you must think of them and the kind of woman that will teach her to be. Would you like her to stay with someone that doesnt appreciate her? Or for that matter the type of man you son will become. Will he resent his wife and children?
Hope you find the answers you need.
2007-02-27 19:49:35 · answer #5 · answered by Juls 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You know, I am a product of divorce. My parents tried to stay together for the kids (which sucked) but finally they got divorced (which sucked too) You shouldn't stay for the sake of the children, and you should not get a divorce. You and your husband need to sit down and have a serious talk. Recommit to eachother. It is always worth "one more try". You both need to be selfless. Divorce only comes when one or both people involved is being selfish. There is no other way divorce can happen. Now, please, stop being selfish. Your husband needs to stop being selfish. Start serving eachother, get some PROFESSIONAL counseling (no matter the cost...I mean it is worth it isn't it?) Rebuild that spark. It is possible. Do special things for him and in time he will feel that love coming from you and he will do it in return. Don't give up. Make his favorite dinner, clean the house really good as a surprise. Ask the kids to behave for just one afternoon so Dad can rest. You know, leave him notes of appreciation for something he said or did...even if it wasn't said or done for you. My best piece of advice:think of 3 things everyday that you like about him, even on the really tough days (especially on those days). Write it down, don't tell him. Keep the journal hidden so only you know about it. But everyday actively look all day long for 3 things. It will be hard at first to find things but as the days progress into weeks it will be easier. Limit your self to 3 things so you don't burn yourself out. Just don't give up. Divorce or staying for the kids don't have to be your only options.
2007-02-27 20:51:43 · answer #6 · answered by camsgirlie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I stayed in my marriage for the sake of my 3 children for 4 years. After i did leave and divorce my husband I am more happy and my children are still happy and stable also. My ex-husband and i are still good friends and the children see each of us whenever they want. With good support from both parents your children will adjust and be happy. It is a personal decision tho do what is best for you.
2007-02-27 20:38:23 · answer #7 · answered by dabb214 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO !!! The last thing you want , is for your children to grow up and view marriage as a convenience . You deserve to be happy . I mean after all , you can only fake love for so long before everyone knows that there is really no love at all . Your children will be the first to catch on . They are much more intuitive than we give them credit for .
Not to say that it will not be hard on them though . But in time they forgive , and understand why their parents are better apart than together .
Hope this was helpful.......From a mother that has been there .
2007-02-27 19:55:53 · answer #8 · answered by Christy & Matt 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No never stay JUST for the kids, but there is something that is holding you back think long and hard before you pull up and move on, could there be some other reason you are unhappy that really has nothing to do with you husband, what else is going on in your life, could it have something to do with your job, your family, your kids, just make sure before you do something you will regret later, I have been married for over 30 years and a lot of times I blamed all my trouble on my husband, but after thinking it out, I realized it wasn't him as much as me. Just think about it and good luck
2007-02-27 19:59:04 · answer #9 · answered by emma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been on both sides. I was the child in a very unhappy marriage, and I was the mother of children in a very unhappy marriage. Growing up, my house was the LAST place I wanted to be because there was no love between my parents and that affects the kids more than you think. I vowed I would never do that to my kids. So, when I had kids and my marriage became loveless and robotic...I waited until my kids were old enough to understand what was happening, then I left...and they were glad to come with me by that time.
2007-02-27 19:48:52 · answer #10 · answered by LolaCorolla 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
life is too short to be unhappy the kids see it more than either one of you realized. If you tried everything try to minimize the effects on the kids. Try to come up with a fair shared parenting plan so the kids can continue to love both of you. Just because your marriage didn't work out doesn't mean the parent/child relationship isn't strong with each of you. they are totally difference. Never bad-mouth each other and learn how to better co-parents your children will really benefit from this effort!
Kids should be allow to love both of you equally and unconditionally.
2007-02-27 21:29:36 · answer #11 · answered by chancesare45 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋