"The day's just beginning, you see the girl you love, you don't know what to do or say, you're friends, you talk to eachother everyday, on the phone, computer, etc, you're walking with her, talking, laughing, having the time of your life, the sun hits ya, you smile at her she smiles at you, it's time to say goodbye, you hug and walk off, you're walking, past places where we played as kids, later you talk to eachother, time's ending, you say you'll see eachother tomorrow, you know what, you're in goddamn love, is there anything else better in the world"
2007-02-27 11:35:00 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
Wow! Awesome poem!
2007-02-27 11:38:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hm. . . I think it has no real feeling or passion. Talk about how you feel around that person and how she looks. Use bigger and more elaborate words. To me it sounds like you want to stay friends. DON'T use slangish words, or goshdarn, ya, etc., and stuff like that. not unless you want it to sound like rap. And If i were your poetry teacher, I'd give you a C-. Sorry, just my opinion.
2007-02-27 19:46:10 · answer #2 · answered by sobaz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd leave out the etc and the goshdarn
2007-02-27 19:39:49 · answer #3 · answered by kristen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
uh......
its just a bunch of actions,going on and on
it doesnt really have any poetic sense at all
2007-02-27 19:40:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
U are LOST<<<
2007-02-27 19:39:24 · answer #5 · answered by sunflare63 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I LOVED IT! that is so sweet you should give it to someone.its beautiful!
2007-02-27 19:39:04 · answer #6 · answered by Michelly4you 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
THAT WAS EXCELLENT!!!
I LOVE IT!!
YOU SHOULD POETRY!!!
I ALMOST CRIED!!!
2007-02-27 19:39:43 · answer #7 · answered by India F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋